Post WLS Eating Disorders

I had disordered eating prior to WLS -- binge eating, compulsive eating... something was wrong with most of us to get where we were.

I super focused on my diet and exercise post surgery to lose my weight.  I lost 90+% in the first 6 months.  The last bit came off slowly over the following year.  While my hyper focus allowed me to diligently lose my weight, it might have been slightly disordered.  

Now my weight is stable and healthy, but I am TERRIFIED of regain.  On the one hand this is good, but on the other it causes me to do things that are definitely no super emotionally, psychologically healthy.  Should I run 6 miles when I have a cold b/c my weight was slightly up (NO!)... lots of little things.  

I have issues with food, but really there are underlying issues that caused me to have issues with food.  

I am dealing with these and it is super hard.  I haven't been on the boards much lately as I have started facing some of these issues more and it is emotionally draining.   

I wanted to put this out there b/c I'm sure there are others struggling.  A big part of this causes me to isolate and I think it is important for us to know that we aren't alone.  The struggle doesn't end at goal weight.

Thank you..

I deal with this Stacy. I am not at goal weight, but I can feel the anxiety and see some bad habits. I torture myself for missing the gym, etc., so I understand what you are going through. 

My NUT is a super awesome person all-around. She recognizes that these disorders or bad habits don't really go away, they just get replaced. Of course, it's better when they are replaced with habits that promote health. HOWEVER not good when they mess with your peace of mind. 

I think you are dealing with it well - seeking support and getting help for the underlying issues. I need to do the same thing. Thanks for inspiring me to do that.

You will get through this! 

Um, yeah, this! All of it (well except the regain part. Been there, done that!)

Hi Stacy,

I am also terrified of regain.   I may be a normal weight now, but I'm not normal in my mind-set toward food. 

When I reached my goal weight of 160, it was hard for me to stop losing weight.  I got such a high from seeing the scale go down.  It took a lot of self-convincing to get me to stop thinking of losing weight as a plus.  Any time the scale goes up a few pounds, I get so nervous that its the beginning of the end.  I don't want to lose control again. 

Lately I am struggling with insomnia and I'm eating to comfort myself in the middle of the night.  I have some stress in my life because I am re-defining my role in the nonprofit I've been running for the past 5 years, and I'm dealing with some resistance from some individuals  (one in particular) who lacks decent people skills.  My last day as Executive Director will be July 1, so hopefully the stress will be short-lived.  But clearly, I haven't found a way to self-sooth to replace eating. 

Life is a series of challenges... and if we can learn from them, then we continue to grow as humans.  That's what it is all about.  Its just not easy!

Here's to support groups where we can share our journeys!

Carol

Carol, this post hit me.  I'm dealing with work stress as well, and looking for a new job.  You are in my thoughts as you make this transition in your life!  

Steph

Stacy,

You probably don't know this, but I use you (from afar) as a litmus test for how I'm doing. Exercise, food, weight loss.  I struggle with self-defeating thoughts when I don't exercise (like this morning when the alarm went off at 5am for my run and I rolled over and went back to sleep).   On the way to work this morning, I seriously thought "why can't you be more like Stacy? she's a badass...she ran 10 min miles for 60 minutes last night!" (myfitnesspal is a dangerous thing, isn't it?) I do the same thing with others whose diet I can see and then say to myself "why did you need to eat 4 oz of meat?  wasn't 3 enough, fatty stephk10!? it was enough for that person!"  

I don't tell you this to make you think that you are influencing me in a bad way.  I tell you this so you know that you are not alone in your fears or issues. I hope you're seeing a counselor.  I am not, unfortunately. I can't find one in my network and don't have the extra $150/month to see someone.

So you guys are my therapy for now. Plus, I set up a little support group here where I work (the hospital where I had surgery) - our surgeon has done a lot of our staff.  So, we commiserate and kvetch together about calories and ways to exercise when it's 95 degrees and how to keep from eating too much Skinny Pop (trust me, that's a problem!). 

This reply is rambling and silly.  But it's the inside of my brain. Contact me if you want to chat. I think we're in similar places. 

Steph

MFP really IS a dangerous place!  I decided early on that I was going to keep my food diary private and I wouldn't be friending anyone from OH.  I'm brutally honest with my logging on MFP (Reese's Peanut Butter cups?  It's on there!) and I didn't want anyone else who had WLS to think they could get away with what I was doing in maintenance.  "Well, Tracy can eat a cookie or piece of cake and stay in her weight range - that means I can too!"  "Tracy skipped the gym two days this week - I can too!"  

Reminds me of a quote: "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel."  

Be very, very careful of comparing yourself to anyone, Steph.  There is no one else just like you! 

Awesome quote.  Nailed it!

Oh, Tracy... that is a quote I need to live by for some many aspects of my life! :)

MFP is a good tool that can be used in bad ways.  Like so many other things, right?  

No more thread-hijacking from me...Stacy, good luck with all this.  We love you and will do all we can to get you through a struggle!