Friends & relatives who are negative about WLS surgery

Well, 2 out of 4 isn’t bad.

 I am still going through the approval process and have learned so much from this forum. One of my best friends should be scheduled for sleeve surgery in the next month and I also asked her a million questions – especially when I was making my decision. Both my boyfriend and my friend having surgery are excited for me and are very supportive. So I decided to confide in two of my closest coworker friends, in separate instances, who I also socialize with outside of work..

 Friend #1: She sighed, rolled her eyes and sucked in air through her teeth when I told her, so I immediately dropped the subject. The look on her face said it all.

 Friend #2: “Well, I remember a couple of years ago you lost 40 pounds. Why can’t you just go back on that same diet/exercise program? It worked last time. And if you have to lose weight before surgery, why have the surgery? Just keep doing what you’re doing and the weight will come off.” I explained that even after the surgery I will have to eat healthy and still have to exercise – but the smaller stomach will allow me to limit my food intake and feel full quicker.. and that the sleeve is a tool to assist me not only in weight loss, but in keeping it off for good. Again, I got the eye roll – so I am under the impression that she is not too thrilled either.

Needless to say, not everyone is on board and so far I am batting .500. I have read that other people had the same issues with friends and relatives. For those of you who have been through this, has your relationships improved after your surgery or are there folks in your life who are still opinionated/negative about your decision? I know that my surgery is just that: MINE and no one else’s. It’s my life and have to do what’s best for me and my health and my family. I just don’t understand why people are so divided over WLS.

Plain and simple answer:  they are ignorant.  We have to understand that the average person has not educated themselves about weight loss surgery and they are probably totally unaware of the undeniable statistics that indicate that yes, people can lose a lot of weight without surgery; however, well over 90% of those people gain all the weight back plus some.  That is a FACT.  One thing for certain in my experience, a million negative naysayers couldn't compare the GLORIOUS freedom I am experiencing with my new, pretty and HEALTHY body.  Keep on walking girl and don't look back!  You are headed for the best journey of your life.

I think asking them what they think of it might be the wrong thing to do.  I basically told my family & friends that I had done the research and made the decision and that I really would love their emotional support.  The only questioning I received was about the safety of the procedure.  

My father researched like a maniac and ponied up extra money so that I wouldn't go to Mexico (silly but I obliged him).

Some of my friends asked a lot of questions about safety ect., but in the end everyone who cares about me / you should be supportive.  If they are doing / saying things that are hurting you / making you feel not supported, I would recommend telling them that point blank.  Some people do not understand how hard it is to lose weight and maintain the loss -- asking those questions doesn't mean they aren't supportive, but maybe they are just trying to help.  

I told very few people for this exact reason. I did not want unsupportive judgy people around me. This is a hard enough journey as it is.

 I did my homework in tons of research, took classes, had multiple medical appts, etc and knowing my family and some friends as I do, chose not to tell them because of their negativity and judgment. Those I chose to tell have always supported me and their support has been unwavering. Surround yourself with those people.

I found most of the people in my life were supportive - lucky for me.  As Stacey said, I aproached it as I had made this decision and needed their support.  My dad, who I didn't plan to telI also talked about my deteriorating health and the fact that the success rate for keeping the weight off was only 2% for the traditional way, but 70% for those having WLS.  l planned to not tell my dad until after, as he was 88 and I didn't want him to fret.  However, my first attempt ended in me being taken out of anesthesia quickly (heart rate went down - due to beta blocker) and my husband called everyone, including my step-mom, and my dad heard the message.  He asked couldn't I be part of the 2%, but after, as I got healthier, he came around.  My husband was very supportive initially, but as I got closer, became less so - mostly fear.  He was also on board after.  Hopefully, the friends who aren't supportive now will come around after when they see how happy and healthy you are.  If not, you may need to decide if you still want a relationship with them.  Good luck!

Oops!  I edited, but didn't delete some stuff - hopefully it makes sense!  :)

I would say stop telling these people and just move forward with your life.  I remember between January and when I had my surgery in April I watched a bunch of people lose weight on their own and wondered if I was doing the right thing... Fast forward a year later, I'm thin and they've all gained back their weight.  This is a lifelong change that will help you not only to lose the weight but to keep it off.  Best of luck - don't let anyone get you down!

Haters gonna hate! ;) It sounds like you have some good support....focus on those people. I went thru the same thing, not everyone is on board. I'm six months out and those who weren't on board have jumped on. So many people have misconceptions of weight loss surgery and already have strong opinions. People will change once they see your progress. Focus on you and those who support your decision! Good luck!

I never asked a single person what they thought or for their opinion.  I did all my research, made the best choice for me and then told immediate family members what I was going to do.  I never asked for their opinion either.  I didn't tell any co-workers or friends what I was doing.  I kept it very private as I do all my medical information.    

Now that I've been successful and people have seen me eating right, working out super-hard and staying fit through my hard efforts for the last two years, I have relented and shared with a couple close friends about the surgery.  But I always make it very clear that the surgery was just a tool and I have to use a LOT of other tools like therapy, support groups, OA, exercise, regular check-ups, etc.  

Are there people who still don't agree with the way I went about this by using surgery?  Sure...but I don't give a flying **** what they think.  You seriously can't argue with stupendous success and amazingly improved health.  

Thank you, everyone, for your input and support. :)  I will take the advice from most of you and just keep my WLS plan to myself.  I know who supports me and won't judge and that's all that matters.  Not sure what I was thinking when I decided to share my news, but I learned a valuable lesson.  Thanks again for sharing your experiences, it has been helpful and reassuring!