I lied today...

This morning when I arrived at work a woman that works in a different department came up to me and told me I look great, and I've lost so much wait.  She then proceeded to ask if I had surgery to lose so much, and I said no!  I told her I did it through diet and exercise (which is true, but not the whole truth).  I'm not ashamed of having the surgery, but I would prefer people not to know.  Is this wrong?  I haven't even told all of my family, though word did get out through my cousin.  I think of it as my own personal medical history, and why would that concern anyone else?  I do feel guilty about lying, though.  Has anyone been put in that situation and done the same? 

I think it's a personal thing and totally up to you.  It's really no one's business.  that being said, I tell everyone, lol.

I think it's fine.  It was very rude of her to ask.  People seem to have no manners or boundaries anymore.  I don't think people should comment beyond "You look great!"  I don't generally share with people unless they might benefit from the surgery.  If they are normal weight or only slightly overweight, I don't feel bad at all lying.  If they are significantly overweight, I don't think it's fair to lie and say I lost through diet and exercise because it is almost impossible to lose and keep off a significant amount of weight through diet and exercise alone.

It's totally up to you what you tell someone.

I've taken a different approach because I see myself as a goodwill ambassador of sorts for the surgery. So many people have negative anecdotal reports or misconceptions about surgery (you know, the my brother's co-worker's mother's friend died, etc. sort of stories), that I've wanted to show that you can be happy, healthy, and successfully lose weight after surgery.  Although I've always been open about it with close family and friends or anyone that specifically asked, I didn't really "advertise" that I had surgery until my year surgiversary when I posted something on Facebook. The response was overwhelmingly positive and I've had a few people message me with questions and one of my friends actually has a consultation with my surgeon next month. 

Now, I'm not saying all of this to try to convince you to tell people. Not at all. I just know that people are often afraid of telling people about having surgery because of the negative reaction that they might get. If people do find out or you decide to tell people there's a lot of good that could potentially come out of it.

Before surgery I didn't think I would tell anyone other than my close friends and family. Now I can't keep my mouth shut about it. It has made me so happy that I can't help but share with anyone that asks. But you shouldn't be made to feel you have to share. Especially when asked point blank if you had surgery. You don't ask them if they had a face lift when they are looking good or ask if they are on medication or if they had a therapy session if they are in a good mood. You did tell the truth by saying you lost weight through diet and exercise. You do not have to elaborate from there. Take care!     

I have done the same thing, I usually just tell them it was a "Doctor supervised program" and I go to the gym 5 days a week before work to work out for an hour. All of which is TRUE and they are usually so blowing away by the GYM part they don't ask anything else.  I did not want to tell anyone (mostly before I had surgery) that I thought would be negative about it, I wanted to stay focused on the positive.  I did NOT my Mom/Dad, sisters or my daughter (who lives out of town for college****il a month after I had my surgery.  I felt it was a very personal choice and I am very happy I did it that way. 

AND when I DO tell people I get very frustrated when they dismiss WLS as an "easy way" to lose weight OR that your losing the weight doesn't really "count" because you did it with surgery instead of just using "will power" and "pushing your plate away". That is BULL S**T.  This is NOT an "easy fix" and most of us (that have been on every diet in the world) have more "will power" in our little fingers than our skinny friends do in their whole skinny body. 

If you had surgery for some other medical problem they would never put you down for it, but most of the world is still not seeing obesity as the true medial problem that it is. SO if I were you I would not even think of it as "lying" and stick with only telling who you want to tell. (I also agree that it was VERY VERY RUDE of her to ask if you had surgery)

My mother told me when people ask rude questions like that to ask them why they want to know.  I rarely do it, but I always think of it which calms any anger. 

The day of my first appointment at the beginning of the six month program, I posted on Facebook that I was starting a new doctor-supervised diet and felt like I could do it this time.  I lost 25-29 lbs. in those six months.  I told everyone at work that I was having the surgery.  Towards the end of the six months, my boss (jokingly) said that because I was so successful on the pre-surgery diet, I did not need the surgery.  I told him I was sticking to the diet so well so I could get the surgery.  :)

I posted on Facebook that I had the surgery very soon after having it and everybody has been very positive.  If you choose this route, be prepared for some weird, sometimes rude, intrusive questions and comments.  Just a few minutes ago, someone in the kitchen asked if I was still trying to lose weight.  I said yes.  She said that I do not need to lose any more weight and asked how much more do I plan to lose.  I thanked her and told her that I am being doctor supervised and we have a goal to lose 17 more lbs but I would like to be a normal BMI if possible.  She shook her head saying that there is no way I need to lose 17 more lbs.  I told her that 17 lbs still has me at an overweight BMI.  I did not tell her that MY goal is another 28 lbs.  I am 5' 7' and 187 lbs.  I mindfully eat high protein, quality foods and lots of water at specific times throughout the day.  I plan and log what I eat, and I exercise.  I am healthier than I have ever been in my 50 years and people comment now that they are concerned about me.  It is extremely weird, so be prepared if you do tell the world.

I just thought of what I should have asked in response to her questions of concern for me...  Do you still smoke?  (she does)

People do ask some weird questions.  A woman I had only met twice asked me what my exact weight was two weeks ago, and asked what weight I started at.  I tried laughing it off like "Oh, I weigh 135 lbs less than I did!" but she kept asking.  I don't know why people think asking stuff like that is okay lol

Well you lied, the damage is done. I'm not sure if the person asking was just being nosy & rude, or was just curious, maybe she has a friend that's MO, or has a friend contemplating surgery & just wanted some info from someone who has been thru it.

The problem with lying is that once you start, now you have to keep up with the lie. It might be kinda hard since this is at your job & might be hard to avoid.

I can understand not wanting to tell anyone & at first I didn't tell anyone. As the weight came down I knew people would eventually ask & I told them I had wls last year, but I still diet & exercise. Then I steer the direction of the conversation towards the eating changes I've made, the exercise I'm doing, the fitbit I wear on my wrist, etc, etc. I make it clear that even though I had the surgery, I'm still doing the work that makes the surgery successful.

It's not wrong to be private, just don't tell them, redirect the conversation. Misleading people however can give you a bad reputation.

That was the first time I've been asked so bluntly, so I was pretty caught off guard!  I have been asked some rude questions (like how much I weigh and what weight I started at) by people I don't know well, but I haven't been asked outright whether I've had surgery!