How did you tell your family and friends about the surgery?

I have always been known as the fattest one...Family may not be accepting of surgery , possibly seeing it as a lazy way out. I'm not sure how to tell them as they are judgmental. Or perhaps they won't be at all. My husband has agreed not to tell them and stand by me as I will wait till after procedure is done. Still not sure how to address them all. I've thought about a letter to all so I can explain and not get interrupted. But not sure on how to word it. And then How do I address coworkers and others? Thought about not telling at all. Suggestions?

The first few people I told all had awful reactions.  One person told me if I'd  stop eating low carb, I'd lose weight.  One acquaintance guessed at the type of surgery and asked what I was going to do about the excess skin?  - pretty personal question from a stranger. 

So I stopped telling people and decided on a "cover story", but I couldn't bring myself to be deceptive.  I finally decided on saying something like.  "I've been working with weight loss specialists at the Lahey clinic, because my weight  is becoming a serious problem.  They recommend weight loss surgery for me, and I've decided to do it."  This worked well, and I had no one second guessing me or asking weird questions after that. 

I think who you tell and how you tell is your personal business.  You'll find something that works for you.

best wishes,

Carol

Thank you Carol, It's so nice to see someone "who gets it" . I will keep what you did in mind as I come up with a plan. Thank you for speaking up. :)

Frankly I didn't tell anybody that I got wls, my coworkers kinda figured it out but didn't bring it up till I did. I didn't want any negativity around me about something that was my personal business. Coworkers that I considered friends were the first people I told & they were very supportive.

Family however was a different story, since I basically keep to myself & a lot of my family is out of state it wasn't a big deal. My mom was the last to know, mostly cuz I know she's a worry wart & she would've camped out at the hospital then worry about me at home, etc, etc I really didn't want to worry her or trouble her. I figure I got myself into this, I'll get myself out. Luv her, but she can be too much sometimes, that's just how my mom is & she knows once I put my mind to something, no one can dissuade me from it. Maybe that's how you have to be.

Good Luck in whatever you choose to do.

Thank you for sharing what worked for you. This is similar to what I have been thinking. One sister has already asked me if I was going to do it because she had shared that a friend had got RNY not knowing I had been looking into it. I told her that I was researching but not at this time. I felt bad for partially lying but she would share withothers before I had time to do something. Your right that I would possibly allow my family to dissuade me. I have to do this...I am going to do this.

I was very particular about who I told. Frankly, it's nobody's business but mine. I spent 2 years doing my program, losing weight, and making lifestyle changes BEFORE I even had my surgery. I didn't even tell my husband until 5 months before my surgery.

I did tell my mom, his mom, and my best friend. That's about it. I didn't want opinions, and that's what I would have gotten if I had told people. I wanted support. I had already made my decision, I just had to wait until I was ready.

I am now 9.5 months out, and at my goal weight. I still haven't told a lot of people. It's not their business.

Thanks for responding. You are so right. I want support not opinions. All I can think of is look how people act when your pregnant and a new parent. I am not community property to be told what to do, or what is right/wrong. I need help and having my choice being torn down is not that. But I guess I need to grow a extra shell because people are...well people...which brings the question of...When people you don't tell figure it out...and begin a negative spiel, How do you tactfully tell them NO, Thank you?

I waited to tell most everyone about my surgery post-op.  I told the people who needed to know, in case I died, before - my partners, my parents, my three best friends... but everyone else I told about 3-4 months post-op.  And everyone was SUPER supportive and encouraging :)  If they weren't, they had the good manners to keep it to themselves.  

I would just address it in a straightforward manner when you're ready.  "I had 85% of my stomach removed in a surgery called vertical sleeve gastrectomy.  This means that I have to eat small portions because my stomach is now the size of a small banana."  

Not telling people is also fine - it's your body and your choice as to what you disclose.  It's a bad idea to lie and tell people "diet and exercise" when they ask since, clearly, diet and exercise didn't work for any of us or else we wouldn't have needed surgery.  But telling people, "Yeah, I've lost weight but I don't want to talk about it" is 100% fine.  

But, from my experience, telling people has been the right choice.  I'd rather control the information that people have about me instead of them making up wild tales and gossiping about me.  

Gwen you are my age/height/weight at start. What are the odds? Telling my Father/stepmother has been my biggest dilemma as they are the ones who would talk me out of it. ironically they are the ones most hurtful about my weight. Your right straight forward is good. I will use exactly what you have written in quotes as part of the explanation letter. which I will give to my husband to give them if I die with the reasons. If I don't (which most likely I won't) I will use it in a different letter later.

Funny that we have the same stats!  

I've seen a trend here that the people who are most hurtful about our obesity also have the tendency to be the most hurtful about our decision for surgery.  Sort of sad how that works, eh?  I think it says way more about them than it does about us!  

Remember, you're doing this for your health and you don't need to please anyone else.  If they continue to harass you, it might be wise to have scripts to deal with them.  I find that this can be as simple as, "I hear what you're saying.  Did you catch the newest episode of Mad Men last weekend?"  I read an advice column called "Captain Awkward" on a regular basis and she gives amazing advice for dealing with the unpleasant people in our lives.