I have ZERO willpower

Hello,

Working on losing 10% of my body weight prior to being able to schedule my pre-op appt.  I really need to have this surgery in late May at the latest, because if I don't, I wont have the opportunity to be off work for a wee****il September. 

I have been drinking AdvantEdge protien shakes, that have 17 grams of protien and 1.5 carbs.  I have been trying to stick to just protien when I do eat real food, and sometimes have a sugar free carnation instant breakfast shake or a generic slim fast shake with added beneprotien.

I seem to do great, all day, until about 4pm.  Then the head hunger hits HARD.  I havent been perfect, I have "binged" every single night.  I am so frustrated with myself. I just know I need to get this worked out, i just didn't really understand what a odd relationship I really had with food.  UGH!

I have lost 5 pounds since Monday.. but I know I could be doing better..  This guilt is so hard, this head hungar is so hard, and I just am not having much faith that I can actually do this.

Feeling down today...  any advice?

Can you change the timing of your means so that you're eating a meal at 4pm when your craving****  One of the things that has helped me over the last few weeks of dealing with everything I've been dealing with is that I do allow myself to snack, something that is not allowed with my plan, but I only allow myself cheese sticks or nuts.  So at least there's only so much damage I can do.  (For the first two weeks of dealing, I was snacking on everything in sight...)  Just making the switch to only allowing good snacks got rid of my 3 pound gain.  

Also, have you started seeing a therapist?  I added one to my Obesity Recovery Team pre-op and she's been invaluable to me.  

I have not seen a therapist.  I haven't had such a great experience with therapy in the past.  I never thought I really needed one.  I should probably look into it, I wonder if there are therapists specifically for eating disorders like mine... if you can even call it a disorder. ..  I dont know...

Last night I had a protien shake when I started feeling munchy.. I thought it would help.. it did not.  I think I need to get out of the house when this happens. 

I have picked up a few extra shifts at work, because I can do a lot better at work, so maybe that will help? 

Protein shakes are not terribly filling, at least not for long. Plus, many of them are heavy on carbs, which tend to cause food cravings for most of us. Instead of protein shakes, try having some baked or roasted chicken breast when you get hungry at in the late afternoon and evening. Or green veggies. Those sorts of things tend to be filling and not too damaging, calorie-wise.

Good idea.. I should probably instead of eating food at lunch, switch it to dinner time... maybe if I chew something it will help that "I need to eat!" feeling go away.

Protein shakes don't lead to feeling sated, so that's no big surprise that it didn't help. 

I also have a bad history with therapy, so it was sort of scary to find one this time. But I went into the process knowing that I needed to find a therapist I click with and hat it might take a few tries before that happened. So I was prepared not to stick with the first one I tried. Then I did end up clicking with her, so that was cool and unexpected. Mine doesn't have a specialty in disordered eating, but she has worked with many clients who have dealt with addiction and her insights have helped me immensely. Just remember that it make take a few tries to find someone you work well with. 

And, yes, keeping busy might help!

I am at work presently, the inavailability of food is quite helpful!  Although, I am looking at a slower type day, so I hope I can stay busy enough to avoid it.

I think I will call our local mental health facility Monday and see what is available..

Head hunger sucks. Maybe talking to someone about it might help you.

I am over a year out and I do fight it daily. I say get rid of any junk in the house. Journal your food it does help. I would journal what I ate and what I was feeling . Also write down something positive you have done in the day. 

You have to think about why you want this surgery. It is life changing but I will say my life is better now that I am thinner. Not because I look better because I feel better. Being able to walk a flight of stairs without feeling like I am dyeing.

We all had an odd relationship with food. I wouldn't have gotten to 322 pounds if I didn't. 

Picture yourself doing things after surgery. Like walking around and feeling better. I made a list of things I wanted to do after I lost most of my weight. Like riding a horse and I did in February I almost cried. I felt freedom. Before I was watching my life go by and not living. I was just a bystander watching my life.

It really helps just to know that I am not alone.  I guess I never really thought that it was a problem.  I mean, I know that I am fat, but I just thought I "didn't want it bad enough" with my weight loss attempts before.  Now, I KNOW that I want it.  I feel like I am creating headaches for myself..  

It is hard to really look at yourself sometimes. 

I have a list of things I want to do.. I want to ride a rollercoaster, and a zipline.. I want to get back to riding horses, and doing things with my extended active family, I want to hike, I would love to play basketball again.  It does help to think about that stuff.

Thanks!

At my first appointment with my surgeon, he told me..."I only do surgery on your stomach...not your head. I'm very good at what I do. It's your job to take care of your head. If we both do our jobs well, this will be a success." I think of those words every time the head hunger monster  shows up. I also reflect on why I did this....type2 diabetes for 15 years and wearing an insulin pump that took over my life. I haven't taken insulin since the day of surgery. Freedom!