feeling like I failed my tool

Oh I am definitely not done with the scale permanently. I had just seen that when I was trying to get back on track I started out good and then when it slipped a little I was beating myself up and ruining my mind frame and mental health. I packed it up and gave it up for lent to give myself to get my mental process under control without dealing with the stress and anxiety of the scale. 

I will be on it on Easter. I know that already. 

I'm not far out. It will be 7 weeks this thursday. But I had the lap band years ago. It was not a good option for me, so it was removed (long story short) but i remember feeling as if I failed it. Like i did something wrong, or that i was a lost cause. 7 years later i picked myself up and dusted myself off. After trying EVERYTHING to lose it on my own, i realized I needed a tool again. 

Believe me i know. I feel it. I can hear myself in your post. You are not done. This is not a lost cause. You got it for a reason. No matter how easy insurance made it, you still went through a lot. This is NOT easy.

But look at your tracker. 59 lbs. Let's call it 60. That is no small feat. You have lost 240 sticks of butter!!!! (4 times 60). Imagine that on your body. 240 sticks of butter around your next and arms and legs and torso. and YOU lost it. No one did it for you. 

This is a tough road to navigate. It's emotional, my God is it emotional. But you CAN get back on track. Try the 5 day pouch test. Go back to the basics. Where were you in june 2012? Where were you mentally? Go see a behavioral therapist. Be honest with yourself. 

All you have to worry about is today. Today make it amazing. Get all your protein in, all your water in, stay low on carbs and then go for a walk. Clwar your mind. And then write yourself an email about how you feel right now. Talk to your future self. She needs you. Tomorrow, you can worry about tomorrow. But today, all you can do is ensure it's a good day. That's all any of us can do. 

Best of luck. I hope you get the support you need. If it's not on home, find it somewhere else. You got this. 

Thank you. I know that 59 lbs are a lot but seem minuscule when it was over 100 lbs down...  

I agree. I can only control today and not tomorrow. One step at a time. 

The best thing is that you can restart and make the right choices starting right now...or if you need to set a date and mentally prepare yourself to restart.  You still have the tool now it's up to you to use it.  Good luck.  We are here with you! 

Thank you! 

I totally feel ya.  In fact I just restarted my blog today with a new goal.  I would love to have a buddy.  I had VSG in 2010.  I didn't reach my goal (I wanted to be "half of myself" 138.5) but I got close.  And I maintained around 152 for about 3 1/2-4 years.  But I've started to experience "the creep", getting further and further from my goal.  I'm now almost 160, but the worst part is I have been really trying to watch my weight but to no avail.  I feel like I have lost control.  I seem doomed to not only not lose more weight, but to continue the gradual gain.  I want to take back control.  It's never too late.  And I may not be perfect but I'll keep working.  Good luck and feel free to pm me.  It's a totally different animal when you're this far out.  

I hear you!  I gained some weight back, as well - considerably more than 8 lbs.  I went back and forth trying to lose, but, for me, it took coming back here every day to start back on track.  I still had to get to the point that I was tracking what I ate and drank, and figuring out calories and carbs to refine it, before I started to lose the weight I had re-gained.  I am about 1/2 way back to my goal weight.  I would like to lose a few more pounds beyond that, but for now, my goal is to get back there first, and then see how I feel.  I had problems once maintenance started.  I kept trying to find the balance, and did for a time, but then got complacent.  I stopped coming here and to the VSG maintenance group, stopped weighing myself, and gradually added too many empty calories and carbs.  I had some false starts, with being more careful for a few days, but then back I was to getting into my old habits.  It sucked!!!!  But, you are right - it's never too late.  It is a little harder now, as I can eat more than I could in the early days, though restriction is still alive and well - yay!  But, I know if I commit to doing the hard work, one day at a time, the weight will come off.  I am so much happier today than I was a couple of months ago.  Good luck to you too!

Sorry to hear about everything that's going on. I know how stressful life can be at times and we sort of lose ourselves in the shuffle trying to take care of everyone else. Just remember tomorrow is a new day and it's never ever too late to get back up, dust yourself off and go back to basics. What works for me personally is accountability, I weigh myself at least once a week faithfully, even when I know I've had a bad week and yes sometimes I have gained a couple of pounds and I deal with it right away by being extra careful, cutting those carbs, adding that protein and drinking tons of water. And usually those extra pounds come off as quickly as I found them. My philosophy is it's easier to lose a couple pounds every now and then as opposed to letting them add up to a point where you may not be able to get them off. Another thing that keeps me accountable is logging every single thing that goes into my mouth via MyFitnessPal, the sticker shock of some of my food choices can sometimes scare me straight. If I didn't monitor my meals I know I would go off the rails. My saving graces are my scale and my food diary. I'm definitely not perfect, I've gained a few pounds throughout my journey but I know I am a food addict and this will be a lifelong battle for me so I make a very deliberate effort to make myself accountable.

Good luck, you can do this.

Please don't beat yourself up.  I have realized (although I am a newbie) that I did this for myself and no one else.  So most things people say about my weight or lack of losing (in their opinon) don't hurt me so much anymore.  It is a battle I fight every day to lose - just like everyone on this site - and I don't look too far back or too far ahead.  Do what is best for you if that is with the scale or not and take it day by day.  We are all here to support with love and positivity! 

I also wanted to mention that a key difference between now and when I was overweight was that I had an all-or-nothing approach to weightloss.  If I went over my calorie allotment for the day, it was no-hold-barred pigout fest until the next Monday.  I have given that up now and you should too.  I'm still not back where I started so I first remind myself that I don't want to lose any more ground.  Also, when I track my calories I usually find that the whole week isn't ruined!!  Myfitnesspal actually does a cool thing after you log your calories for the day and tells you how much you'll weigh in a month if you continue to eat like you did today.  It can give you incentive when you've done well or make you realize after a bad day of eating the effect that could have in 4 weeks time.