Life Upheaval

Brief recap - my dad was diagnosed with Merkel Cell Cancer about 1.5 years ago. He went through chemo in winter 2013 and radiation in winter 2014. 

About a month or so ago, my dad started having issues with his peripheral vision and, within the last few weeks, my mom started seeing signs of dementia. He ended up getting an MRI last Thursday and a 4cm mass was discovered in his left occipital lobe. This explains the vision problems and, due to swelling in the brain, it likely explains the memory/speech problems as well. (We're hoping.) 

I got this information on Thursday, threw a bunch of stuff in my suitcase, and got up to PA in time for the appointment with the oncologist on Thursday afternoon. The oncologist is certain that the mass is cancerous, but, right know, it's unknown what type of cancer. He sent us to a neurosurgeon that he'd already discussed my dad's case with earlier in the day. We were also assured that the mass is operable (yay). 

We spent the next three days waiting. And sanding, and tending the fire, and getting massages, and running errands, and all that other jazz. 

On Monday morning (yesterday) I navigated my mom into Philly and we met with the neurosurgeon. The neuro seems confident and competent, this is, for him, a routine surgery even though it's really ******g scary for the rest of us. We got lots of information and surgery is scheduled for Monday morning. Dad was able to get all of his pre-op stuff taken care of while we were there, except for the MRI which will be later this week. 

He'll be in the hospital Monday through Thursday or Friday next week. First night in the neuro ICU and the rest in a normal room. Recovery time is 2-4 weeks and his speech/memory problems will likely get worse (due to increase swelling due to surgery) before they get better. The first week or two of recovery will need to be aided. 

My current plan is to bounce up to PA for the MRI and then go back on Sunday night so I can stay for the week of surgery. Then I'll go back up the following few weeks while my dad needs aid at home. (My mom needs to keep working for her own sanity right now, so I'll be making sure she can get that escape during the days.)  I called my brother today and suggested that he visit them this weekend, so he's going to do that.  

It's unclear what will happen after recovery. Will he need chemo again? Radiation? We don't know. Will this solve the memory/speech issues or is dementia at play as well? We don't know. It's really scary, hard, and just, well, ****ty. There are no words to describe how horrific it is to see my dad like this and I'm sure that the fear my mom and dad are feeling is even more horrible than what I'm feeling. I can't even begin to fathom what my dad is feeling right now, I just know that witnessing him feeling those things is unbearable. 

Thankfully I'm home with P and R for a few days, and I'll be home with them for the weekend. I'm grateful that they hold down the fort while I'm going and bolster my spirits a bit when I'm back home. Also, thankfully, my mental therapist was able to fit me in today, since I have no idea when I'll be able to see her next time. 

I have a lot of short term hope that this surgery will help, but I have no long term hope. Or really even medium term hope. I know that his type of cancer is a persistent bugger and that it's going to keep coming back again and again and that it will kill him within the next five years. Or that he'll decide he doesn't want to fight anymore. And the knowledge that I'll be losing my dad so soon, that we'll all be losing him, is destroying me. 

This last week was ridiculously hard for me and it is utterly shocking how easy it is to revert back to bad old habits in times of duress.  I kept weighing myself every day, and I ate good meals, but I snacked on everything.  I felt out of control of my meal times due to my parents' schedule and all the appointments, so I dealt with that by snacking all the time.  What the hell.  

And finding time to exercise?  ARGH.  I feel that the weekend was a bit of an anomaly due to all the appointments, the power going out, etc, but I must figure out how to make exercise a part of my life while I'm with my parents.  I did my 15 minutes minimum yoga each day, but I'm going to need to suck it up and run on my mom's janky treadmill until the snow melts.  And I'm going to need to get over my dislike of exercising at other times of the day - because the morning is not always free when I'm there, but other times of the day are.  

And that's my update. Thanks for reading.

Gwen I'm so sorry your dad has been threw so much over the past few years. Stay strong and don't let it interfer with your Weightloss journey. Sending you big hugs!!!

Good luck Gwen. Pass my good wishes along to your family. You're a good daughter.

I hope your dad recovers soon. Sending you an encouraging hug to give you the strength to continue.

You are truly an inspiration.

Prayers for you and your family!

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. From all of your posts, I really believe you have the determination to keep your healthy lifestyle on track.  Best of luck to both you and your dad in the difficult times you are facing.

So sorry for you and your family. Not easy what you are going through.

Best thing you can do on the food front is just be kind to yourself and understand that life throws monkey wrenches at us all the time. If you have a tough day or two and eat off plan, you can get back on track. Don't let the "ANTS" take over. When they pop up, acknowledge them, note what you are feeling and offer yourself a positive realism - like you're being a great daughter!

What a terrible and stressful time. Stay strong and take it day by day. I experienced advanced cancer with my mother, I can relate to your heartache and anxiety. I hope its all positive progress for you all from here forward.

Hang in there, Gwen.  It's so hard to watch your parents decline in health.  Make sure you take the time to are for yourself.  I'll be no good to anyone if you start feeling like sh*t.

I'll be sending good vibes your way!