1st Post! :) Question for VSGers who are emotional eaters...

Hi, friends!  I've lurked on this site for so long, but never actually posted anything myself!  Now, as I stare down my VSG procedure in just a little over 2 weeks, I'd like to step out of the shadow and ask a question or two.  :)  This community has helped me with so many questions already...

I'm an emotional eater.  Always have been.  I get it from my mom.  If we're upset?  Eat something.  Sad? Eat something.  Bored? EAT something.  And because of this, I'm beginning to realize that I have some fairly strong emotional ties to food...it sounds silly, but it's true.  Food is always "there for me."  Like an old friend... (An old friend who's escorted me all the way to 210 pounds...)

For those of you on the other side of VSG surgery... if you can relate to this... do you ever find yourself almost grieving the loss of your comfort food relationship?  How do you work through that?  It seems strange to think of it as a grief process, but I almost think that parts of it will feel like that to me.  I envision a 'honeymoon' phase, where weight is coming off quickly in the beginning and I'm just excited about it.. but when I settle in for the long haul, I am going to have to find a way to emotionally detach from the 'ties that bind' me to the contents of my fridge, especially when I'm upset about something at 1 in the morning. 

Just wondered if I'm the only one, or if anyone else can relate to this?  What's your strategy for getting around those old emotional triggers?  I'm betting...like most things...having a plan will go a long way towards getting past this.  I just think I will truly grieve... on some level... the loss of something I turned to for comfort.  I know it needs to change.  I'm so ready for it to change.  But emotions are often stronger than logic.  At least for me.  So I need a strategy!!!!!! 

The emotional ties to food will not be fixed by surgery.  You will still have most of the same cravings and coping behavior after surgery.  I would encourage you to find a therapist that specializes in eating disorders.  There are several books on emotional eating.  Transfer addictions are also something to be concerned about because if you can't get you comfort coping from food you will find another area to find comfort and coping with emotions.  You sound like you have taken a big first step in that you have identified a major way that you cope.  This is a big deal.  I too have found a wealth of information on this site but adding professional help is a great tool to have also.

Im 3 months out, I do miss the comfort of food. Food was my friend, and it's not my friend any more, it's my fuel. But I do miss my friend sometimes. It forces me to deal with my feelings rather than bury them in food. It's tough sometimes. But getting easier as time goes on.

Thanks for bringing this topic up today.  I am 2 months post op and I feel that my "emotional eating" is always lurking in the background of my mind.  I have been strong so far but I would love to hear what others have to say that has helped them get past this "stinkin thinkin".

I can definitely relate, as I think so many of us here can. What you've described with the initial honeymoon phase followed by harsh realization happened to me. I've lost 90 lbs in 7 1/2 months and I'm THRILLED, BUT I am still struggling with emotional eating. I see a therapist and try to practice daily mindfulness about what I am eating, but I haven't done a great job since Christmas and boy does it show on the scale! Learning how to navigate life after WLS is both a blessing and a curse! I think it's a process, and most people will probably have to work at combating emotional eating for a lifetime. Getting your head around the fact that it isn't a quick or easy fix can be hard, but you are not alone!

I have this problem also.  Knowing it and not caving to it is difficult.  Since you have already recognized it, thats the hard part.  Now you have to have a plan for when it hits.  I bought a treadmill and use it for something to do when I start feeling it.  We are about to go into sub zero weather for the next few days so going outside is not a great option.  Also, unless I get really heavy snow, I have parked the snow blower and shovel the drive way.  I have set up a workshop in the basement and have a couple of little projects I'm working on.  

I have caved a couple of times but my go to is celery with carrots being my plan b.  My doctor said celery might be hard to digest but has presented no problems so far.  I'm at 4.5 months and started eating it a 30 days.  

The first thirty days were the most difficult for me.  One, the diet is restricted and two, you are somewhat limited physically.  I walked a lot in the beginning, it helps relieve stress and its good for you.  Now, when I'm having a bad, or for that matter an incredible day, my first instinct is not food. That takes some work and discipline.  

As far as missing foods, yes I do.  Potatoes have not been a big deal (I'm surprised), rice I miss, and pasta...oh my pasta....I need a moment :)  I do eat a lot of meatballs with marinara sauce so I at least get some of the taste without the bad carbs and calories.  Also love risotto.

If I'm honest though its not even the food....its that full feeling and the comfort of being well fed.  Again more honesty, I wasn't week fed, I was overly fed and that feeling of being full is not something I desire any longer.    I also love to cook.  I used to slave over something for an afternoon and then at dinner, eat too much.  Now slaving over something and eating 4-6 oz doesn't appeal to me.  So I am really trying to de-emphasize food.  It seems to be working.

Anywho, hope this helps.

Dan

This is one of the things I'm working on in therapy.  I'm going through a lot of emotional distress right now and I have been trying to comfort eat, but then I get frustrated because food just isn't comforting the way it used to be, and it doesn't get me closer to my goals.  So it's a double whammy!  I'm working hard to find other comforting things - it's a challenge, but it's a very worthwhile one.  

I can so relate to this! I just had surgery a little over a week ago and at first I was lost. I always turned to food for everything! It seemed to help all my problems, in reality it didn't. Within the last few days i've been figuring out how to deal. As weird as it sounds, I've turned to things that occupy my mind and hands. I started knitting, crocheting, and coloring. It's been super helpful! 

Thanks for all the kind insight... and Happy Valentine's Day!  You know, in healthcare we tell patients who are trying to quit _fill in the blank_ (smoking, drinking, etc.) to have a plan, tell other people, and have something else ready to substitute when that 'trigger' gets pushed and the desire to return to the behavior slams you in the face.  It makes sense, logically... but again, when so much emotion is tied up in it, logic doesn't always win.  I've been talking with my counselor about it, and he says that part of it is conditioned behavior...just long term habits... and part of it may be fear.  What's keeping you from letting go of that?  From confronting the root, underlying issues here?  What is the worst thing that can happen?  I think that I sometimes use my weight as a reason not to do things.  A reason to hide from life.  Maybe I'm afraid of failing?  I don't know... I've been so successful in so many other areas of my life, and this one thing... this ONE thing...has haunted me for 3 decades.  Do you know how frustrating it is for me, a control freak, to not have control of something for that long?  :) :) :)  Terrible... LOL   But on some level, I have to admit that he's right.  I AM scared of the process.  It's going to strip me down to very vulnerable levels, and probably make me see stuff about myself that isn't so spectacular.  That all has to happen for positive, forward change... but it won't always be a fun process.  Food is reliable.  Comfortable.  Consistent.  So take that away, and as another poster wrote... I may feel a little lost too!

So I need to find my healthy substitution.  Someone mentioned exercise, which definitely needs to happen for me.  And I love the idea of a hobby or activity that keeps my hands and mind focused elsewhere.  I guess I can chew gum.  I'm heading into a pretty stressful year in my job...where I will frequently be working 60-80 hrs per week.  So I need to lock these new habits in during the next 4-6 months, or I think I'll find myself flailing.  Luckily, I have a super supportive husband and beautiful children to keep me busy too...

Just lots of great things to consider.  18 days until surgery.  I can figure it all out in 18 days, right?  :) :) :)

Honestly, I don't know of a WLS patient who isn't an emotional eater.  And anyone who thinks this won't be a monumental struggle after surgery is fooling themself, badly.  Getting to your "magical weight" won't cure the problem either.  At almost two years out I will advise that you need to start dealing with this NOW and not wait until after surgery.  You are wise to understand that you need a strategy.  And the works needs to start now.  

It's not that you'll "get a handle on it" or "cure it" by any means.   But waiting until after surgery to start dealing with it is ass-backwards.  Personally, I work with a therapist who specializes in eating disorders; I go to Overeater's Anonymous (OA) meetings weekly and have a sponsor to help me work the 12 Steps.  These two tools give me sanity.  

Does it mean I haven't struggled and that I haven't made poor choices?  Nope!  I've struggled and made horrible choices over the last two years!!  But I have a support system that grounds me and pulls me back in before I go too far off-the-rails.  And I had these tools in my corner before surgery.  I can't imagine the mess I'd be in or the failure I'd be facing if I had waited until after surgery to put a strategy in place.  

Good for you for recognizing the problem because you WILL grieve the loss of your good friend "food" and you will be sad that the surgery - at least initially - sucks all the joy out of eating.  Please put things in place now to help yourself.