Weight loss isn't a magic cure all

Stacy, there has been a lot of great and sound advice on here.  I just wanted to tell you that I think you are a beautiful, intelligent woman and I will be praying for that "special" someone to enter you life soon. 

Totally get where you are coming from on this one Stacy!  Keep your head up 

I'm 32 and have only had a handful of relationships, none of which were very serious or lasted very long. I totally identify with thinking that weight loss will make things better in all aspects of my life. In some ways, I still think that is true. I do think that, at my heaviest, my weight kept me from pursuing relationships with men and probably narrowed the pool of guys that would be interested in me. (And, honestly, I was not interested AT ALL in many of the ones that would have been interested in me at that weight.)  I don't have illusions that I will magically get to meet the man of my dreams as soon as I get to my goal weight though.  

I'm not sure I really buy into the "when you least expect it" philosophy, because what if you are ALWAYS expecting to meet someone?  It probably just feels like "least expecting it" in retrospect once you meet him/her. My philosophy is just to put myself out there and live my life.  I regularly go to concerts (often by myself), I'm very active in doing things with friends and family, and I have an online dating profile.  If I never meet "the one" though, I think I'll still live a happy and fulfilling life because I have filled it with people, pets, and hobbies that I love.

I watched a really great TED talk not that long ago about dating; it's worth viewing:  Amy Webb TED talk

I have to agree with the other posters about therapy and examining where you're meeting your current dates.  If you throw yourself into things you love, the people you meet are more apt to have real things in common as opposed to the crapshoot that random dates tend to be where you are often searching for something, anything you have in common.  As for these "rejections" I know its hard not to see them that way but its really not rejection at all.    I am forever getting my pots and lids separated and it often takes me several tries to get the lid that fits just the way its supposed to.  I know its a strange comparison but that's really what dating is about-finding the two that fit that well together.

I know exactly where you are coming from.  I am just ten weeks out in my VSG journey but I lost a significant amount of weight in my late twenties.  Though it wasn't a conscious thing, I think back then I expected that when I lost the weight, the sun would always shine, the birds would always sing, people wouldn't cut me off in traffic, and we'd all live happily ever after.  And well, not so much.  You're right, life won't be perfect just because of your tail size.    Life is hard and messy and we hurt each other and we struggle but it's all worth it.  And that tail size does make it all a lot easier and maybe even make it last a little longer.

As for the earlier suggestion that she might need to change something about her personality to find the right guy?  Eh, I'm all for self-improvement, consistently and constantly.  But if I have to change as a condition of being a relationship, well then I never would've been married at all because I'd rather have been an old cat lady than change for someone else's parameters.

My hat is off to you on the dating front. I know it is difficult to put yourself out there and face possible rejection.

I, too, thought for awhile that being smaller would make life easier and better. It does in a way (I don't feel like my head is going to explode when I tie my shoes), but not the way I thought.

Keep chugging.

Just make sure you're not following up your feelings about weight loss with "if I had a man things would be better".

Every change makes some things easier and some things harder, but nothing will make life perfect.  We can only hope that our choices lead us to changes that do more good than harm.

So follow your passions, surround yourself with great people who you love, do the things that mean the most to you, and let yourself be open to love when it comes along, but don't force it.  Being in a bad relationship can be far more lonely than no relationship at all, and a man is far from the only way to keep from being lonely.

Good luck finding more satisfaction in life, however you decide to go about it!