That was harder than I thought it would be (long rant)

I'm headed home from a weekend at my parents. We had a big get together for my fathers 70th birthday. I saw all of my family and many many family friends who I haven't seen in over a year. Normally I don't have much trouble finding foods to eat, but since it was such a short trip and we were eating at my parents most of the time, I had to kind of go with what they had.

the weekend started out rough and my anxiety really just kept building. We got in pot the house at 830 on Friday night and there was steak and corn for dinner. There were no vegetables at all in the house! I was really hungry and ate it, it was fine.

The next morning I had my protein shake (good planning) and dragged my sister to the gym. We had a great workout, but got home starving to a still vegetable less house. I should have gone to the store, but made do with some Asian pork leftovers with black beans.

I headed out to the mall with my sister, brother in law, niece and son, so that my mom could have the house without kids to get ready for the party. We had a nice time, but I was getting more and more stressed about my food choices for the weekend. I knew there would be lots of alcohol, food and cupcakes at the party. I ended up stopping at the grocery store so that I could make Brussels sprouts. That helped, but I still ate way too much. Nuts, cheese, cup cakes Arg!

everyone was commenting on how great I looked. I should have been able to enjoy it, but seriously I was just wanting to be at home. I am such an addict. I knew the cup cakes were in the house, I couldn't stop thinking about them. After the party I asked my sister to hide them. She did. They ended up having to throw them away this morning bc they were supposed to be refrigerated.

Then at lunch today they grilled, I had to make a special request that they pick up zucchini. I guess I ate like that before, but seriously it really frusterated me. Like why are there no effing vegetables. I got kind of angry inside thinking why can they eat like this and I have to forever be careful. Now I know I am the fittest in my family at this point, but I know if I am not careful I will balloon back up to where I was.

Long rant. I'm sorry guys. I just need to prioritize myself a bit more. I definitely need to ask my mom ahead of time to have some veggies around. Im im feeling kind of down about the whole weekend. It should have been fun, but i was crazy anxious the whole time.

Arg. Being skinny definitely does not fix things.

I said the same thing to my nurse at my 9 month follow up.  "Being skinny doesn't make anything better, it just makes getting off the floor easier." 

Whenever I go to visit anybody I show up with "my food".  Sometimes they have a lot of variety and I don't even touch the food I brought so it travels back home with me.  Other times I eat that instead of what is being offered.  If any questions are asked I just say, "I'm sorry I can't stomach that."  It shuts everyone up because they automatically think it will cause diarrhea or something lol. When I travel before I even check in at the hotel I stop at a grocery store and get my staple foods.  I don't even trust that I will be able to get something from their restaurant or room service.  Even if I can then it's a bonus but I'm never left without food that I know I can eat.

Next time you go to moms show up with the veggies.  Don't even wait for the anxiety to set in :D

Yeah.  I definitely need to be more prepared next time.  I have had no issues finding things at restaurants and just kind of expected the same.  I didn't realize how. Little vegetables my family ate until this weekend.  Rarg!

Aw, I'm sorry that your family isn't accommodating of your new eating habits.  That's really a bummer.  :(  To me, part of being a good host is making sure there are things for my guests to eat!

Yeah. I think my mom is trying to be supportive. She had Greek yogurt, blueberries and vitamin water for me.  I think she was a bit overwhelmed with so many people coming to her house, and I need to be a bit more clear on what I need.

She made a comment when I was cooking the Brussels sprouts that I wanted everyone to eat better.  I said no you guys can eat what you want, but I want to eat well.  

She saw how stressed out I was and kept asking me what she could do to help.  I know they love me, but I do feel like a lot of the responsibility has to be on me to either ask for what I need or get it myself or both.  

Oh well.  I think I just realized this weekend that I am never going to be normal.  Even in 5 years if I have not gained anything back, I will still be different when it comes to food.  That is a tough realization.  I don't think this is true for everyone who has the sleeve, but it am 100% an addict and that wont go away.  :(

but I do feel like a lot of the responsibility has to be on me to either ask for what I need or get it myself or both.

This is something important I think many of us should probably learn.  We've spent years stuffing our needs down our throats.  I know I've made being accommodating an art form.  No one has to do it for me...but I have to speak up for myself or actively take care of myself.  I can't let it go by default.  Very good point you made there!

Tricia is right - there's not a "lot" of responsibility on you to ask for what you need or get it yourself, it's COMPLETELY up to you, 100% of the time in every situation.   

Expectations are the breeding ground of resentment.  And resentment sets you up for relapse, binging and eating off plan.  You "expected" things to be a certain way (and it sounds likes some of your expectations weren't realistic when it came to family) so it set you up for some negative emotions.  And what do we addicts love to do?  Yup, shove down those emotions with food. 

I think you probably learned a lot of great lessons this weekend and the most important one is that you weren't well-prepared for whatever the weekend threw at you.  I'm betting you will be in the future 

Something that might help you meet your needs and help to destress your mom in future situations like this is to plan the meals with her?  I do this when I visit my parents.  We talk about what the meal plan will be before I get there and I normally even do the grocery shopping either with one of my parents or just me, depending on who has time.  (They stock up on gift cards for their grocery store so that I'm not having to pay for the groceries too.)  It really helps since my mom doesn't have to worry about accidentally planning stuff that doesn't suit my lifestyle, and I know that there will be lots of good options for me while I'm there.  

Then I help with the cooking.  :D  

Would something like that be an option to consider?  

Yeah -- we normally do this.  Since I was only going in for 2 days, we didn't.  But I learned my lesson :)

So sorry it was so stressful! I know what you mean I am in high anxiety about Thanksgiving! My surgery is tomorrow and I am not telling my family because they would 1.) Not be supportive and tell me not to take the easy way out (like this is easy) and 2.) Worry non-stop and call me every five minutes.  To be honest not sure I will ever tell them, so it is going to be up to me to make sure when I visit there is readily available food.  Thanks for your post it helps me think about upcoming situations.