Men / Dating post WLS

Stacy,

Good luck on your dating journey. You are beautiful inside and outside. When you meet the right man you will know. It will give you goose bumps. Hang in there and remember that you don't need to settle for second best. Thank you as always for your post. You will be in my thoughts.

Robin

I say take the second date. The first date can sometime be a little awkward. Even though you feel like the date went great until you are absolutely certain that you want to just be with that one certain person, there is nothing wrong with continuing to date either. Have fun and find the right man for you. I think you will know when it's right.

I've done a lot of dating - pre weight loss and during weight loss.  Someone once told me I was a serial dater because I pretty much had 2-3 dates a week for a long time.  What I learned was that everyone deserves a chance but I don't have to say yes to any further contact just to be nice.  So, if you really don't want to have another date with guy #1, don't do it.  BUT, if you had a fun evening and wouldn't mind a second fun evening, go out again.  First dates are awkward a lot of the time.  And some people handle them better than others.  Maybe he was really nervous and the second time around he'll be more relaxed and some of that missing chemistry will appear.

I wouldn't stop talking to other men after one good date.  Especially when you say you have a couple of concerns.  You've not made any committment so there is nothing wrong with talking to or going out with other men.  The night I met my guy, I knew he was the one and that I would marry him.  I still went out on a date a few days later with another guy.  I had a nice time but the ENTIRE time I was out with this other guy, all I could think about was how I wished I was out with "the one" and not this guy.  Immediately following that date, I stopped talking to other guys and removed my dating profiles from dating sites.  You will know when you want to stop dating around and start being serious with one guy. 

Enjoy this time in your life.  You're a young, beautiful, intelligent, successful woman.  You deserve to have some fun.  When you relax and start to enjoy the ride, the right one will make himself known :-)

After my divorce I dated a LOT - at heavier weights and lower weights (although not as low as either you or I are now).  First of all, since you are really looking to eventually get in a long-term relationship you need to determine your "must have" list.  I didn't know some of my "must haves" until I had dated for awhile.  Example:  I didn't know that "must have" decent table manners needed to be on the list until I went out with somebody who ate like a pig!   Some other "must haves":  at his core must genuinely like and respect women; treat his mother and sisters respectfully; be funny; be tolerant of other lifestyles, ethnicities, etc; be smart AND funny!  

Based on what you've told us about the two dates, here's my two cents:  1) chemistry doesn't always ignite on the first date, sometimes it's a slow-burning ember.  Give him another shot.  2) Do NOT stop looking around based on one great date with a guy.  And if you have a couple of concerns, they will probably just become bigger ones later on.  I would still give him one more shot but I'd look closely at the concerns.  

One deal breaker for me:  if a guy is condescending or rude to the wait staff or speaks disparagingly about other people.  Danger, Danger!!  That's the real him and you need to abort the mission ASAP.  He will fly the huge asshole flag as soon as he gets more comfortable but he's already showing you who he really is.  

Gosh - I do go on, hope some of this is useful, Stacy!  

Oh, yes, one of the best things about dating around is developing that must-have list!  It's invaluable. 

Agreed - must have list.  A physical list is what I used.  And I drew a line between the Must haves and the would like to haves.  If I was out with a guy and they didn't have ALL of the must haves then I didn't pursue. 

My husband has all my must haves and most of my would like to haves. 

Also, "concerns" on the first date could be an issue depending on what they might be.  It's hard to weigh in on this one because some things (he has a weird laugh) could be learned to live with but others (he's racist) couldn't.  At least for me.  :-)

don't settle go on a few more dates get a feel for them. have fun!!!

Although I met my hubby at 20

I have had my fair share of a-holes who ripped out and 

stomped on my fragile teenage heart..

I learned very fast and here's the mantra I went with by the age of 17..

give um enough time and they will show you their FREAK...

it never fails..we all have something that makes us just a lil bit freaky..

can you live with their freak..maybe their freak is endearing to you ( a bonus) 

I say neither one of these guys are the guy for you, I know you want to be in a relationship

but wait til you find that guy you find yourself thinking about at times thru the day, someone that

his actions bring a smile to your face..there's no rush..enjoy..

In my opinion, there has to be a bit of an attraction. I wouldn't stop talking to other men until you find a guy whose goals are somewhat similar to yours and that you are somewhat attracted to. As for stopping the dating process with others, if you do find a guy who you click with and who has similar goals, maybe broach the topic of what your relationship with him and his with you involves: are you both open to casually dating others? Do you want to take things a step further and date each other exclusively? etc. etc.

...This coming from someone who was married to Satan's son, who hasn't had a date in several years, and who has grown a tough outer shell LOL.

Thank you everyone.  This is some very good stuff to think about :)