19 months and struggling with staying on track

On June 19th I turned 40. It was also 18 months to the day for surgery for me and I was down 167 lbs. It has been a difficult 18 months, Just after hitting the 100lb loss mark in august of last year, My husband and I got in a car accident, without going into too much detail I was completely thrown for a loop, my routine disrupted and other than physical therapy I was not able to exercise for almost 2 months, just in time for the holidays! I was pretty pleased with how I was able to get through the holidays without losing control (too much) and like I planned in my head I started a “reboot” in January, back to the post-surgery eating plan and dropped 20lbs. (That’s a lot of back story) but for my 40^th I was determined to listen to my heart ( and my therapist) and let myself enjoy this big celebration of life I worked hard for and spent 9 months planning in Vegas. It was a wonderful trip, with very little drama until I came home and stepped on the scale up 16 lbs! I was so saddened that I immediately went back into super restriction mode which brought up angry and resentful feelings and ultimately has failed. I am back to pre-Vegas weight, but not really losing. It seems however that my commitment to myself is failing more than anything. I was doing hot yoga 4-5 times a week and working with a trainer, and now that “tired” voice continues to talk me out of driving to yoga class, cooking healthy meals, going for an early morning walk and keeps telling me to eat every 45-75 minutes. I guess I am just wondering if anyone else had this period of lost motivation? If so, how did you get out? What words did you give yourself that made you pay attention? Be mindful?

I refuse to allow sadness and shame creep in and stop me from reaching my goals.

I am new to WLS and am still in the losing phase.  I just felt a need to respond to your strong and courageous post.  I'm impressed with your ability to see a difference between adhering to the plan and loving the change.  I think that your acknowlegement of these powerful feelings indicate that you have not lost the commitment to yourself but you've gotten tired.  I wonder if you could switch to maintenance for a few months and allow some time to heal and strengthen emotionally and then kick back into gear when you're feeling emotionally ready and not just physically ready.  Remember - all this from a noob - not someone that's been there.  I just needed to applaud your power.  :-)

I particularly respond to your last line about not letting sadness and shame keep you from reaching your goals. It's a journey and all journeys have their tough times. But I think you're rockin' it. Keep on pushing! You've done great so far -- amazing weight loss.

I am 18 months out and yes it is very hard to keep motivated.  I am lucky my therapist hasn't told me to listen to my heart .  She was also supportive of my rewarding myself with plastic surgery when in the past it would have been food. I also wouldn't have gone thru with PS it using the old I shouldn't spend that kind of money on me.  With her encouragement, I am still fighting and without her I wouldn't be able to do as well. 

I despise my 'tired' voice. Thanks for letting us know that vsg doesn't operate on our mind. Good luck and please to continue to share about your challenges and success. 

Thank you all so much for your encouragement. I was starting to think that I was failing at WLS because losing weight wasn't enough to keep me on the straight and narrow. .. No pun intended.  Tired definitely describes where I have been and a little bit my spirit but I know that my life is better and I am better.  I struggle with compassion for myself.  I appreciate compassion from others.