Forgiveness Formula

This is a book ive been reading about the process of forgiving - others and ourselves. Whether it's something big or little, NOT forgiving means carrying around pain, anger, and resentment. (and how many binges ive had b/c of these particular emotions??)

The forgiveness process is something that I need to learn for myself so that I can work through the underlying issues that cause my eating disorders. For me, any and all kind of negative emotions I have been known to try and mask through food, and guess what, it never worked. So i'm trying a different approach now (in conjunction with a lot of other things)

Im just going to put a few thoughts out there on the subject along with the 10 golden rules.

"If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we would find in each person's life - sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility'. 

Forgiving is about healing and remembering - burying and forgetting is never productive.

A lot of times, when we suffer something traumatic or bad, we adopt a victim mentality. The author's suggestion for moving from VICTIM to VICTOR includes

                - not remaining stuck in the narrative of what was done to you

                - choosing to tell the story differently

                - learning that it doesnt have to stop there (there's more to the process beyond the first two steps but that's a whole other discussion). 

"One who pursues revenge should first dig two graves" - no matter how bad someone has hurt anyone of us, revenge will just kill both people. 

TEN GOLDEN RULES OF FORGIVENESS  from Forgiveness Formula by Kathleen Griffin

1. Forgive and the whole landscape will change

2. You are the only one who can change - those who have done you wrong have nothing to do with your forgiveness process. You will not always get an apology. 

3. You can only forgive when you are ready - it wont wor****il you are

4. When you forgive and let go, you change and then the whole world is different. 

5. There will always be someone else to forgive, so the better you get at it, the easier life will be. 

6. WHen you forgive the big stuff, you will always have a scar on your heart; that way you never forget. 

7. Sitting on top of the mountain of being in the right is a very lonely place. 

8. Think of people you know who can forgive. Now think of those who bear a grudge - which camp would you like to be in?

9. If you can learn to forgive yourself, you are more than half way there. 

10. Its never too late to forgive - even after someone passes away. 

Great stuff, Allison - thanks for posting! 

I really- really like and believe number 4. " 4. When you forgive and let go, you change and then the whole world is different."  It makes me think of something C S Lewis said: "Prayer does not change things; (effective) prayer changes me".  Same thing goes with forgiveness--there is real power in this concept- the power of growth and change.  Thanks for posting this!

I love your post and agree with it completely.  I always think that living well is the best revenge.  :)  There are people in my life who have hurt me deeply, but forgiving them allows me to let them go and carry them around with me for the rest of my life.  Also, forgiveness for me does not mean forgetting or choosing to have contact.  It just means letting go of anger, frustration and a desire for them to change and recognize their wrong actions.   It is basically letting them go and wishing them peace while being too busy loving the people I care about to even think of them. 

It really helps me to focus on the fact that other people who hurt me also have lives filled with pain and suffering....I can learn to have compassion and in the process eventually forgiveness. 

Some things though...it'll just take a million dollars in therapy to forgive. 

Because I have always valued you so much as a friend, I take everything you say to heart.  You are such a smart & beautiful woman who I admire.  You have made me see the beauty in myself and I have been more self-accepting.  Thank you for being you.  I love you!

Forgiveness is not always so hard to do but for me, it's forgetting.  I have held on to some things for far too long.  It eats me up inside and has prevented me from moving on to bigger and better things; to enjoy everything that my life has been bringing my way.  Thank you for this post and you still have no idea how happy I am to see you here!!!

I so love you and I'll forgive John eventually for stealing you away from me. Maybe :)

Thank you so much for sharing this.  I am going to purchase this book.  It sounds like something I need. 

I've just barely started reading but it is really good.