Dispensing of medical advice- a warning for Newbies

Hello,

Many who come to OH are contemplating WLS or perhaps newly post-op.  It is a period of great trepidation fraught with excitement, self-doubt, and the various trials and tribualations of navigating the journey.  I just want to give a gentle reminder that the folks on this site are not medically qualified to address your unique needs.  Posters here want to help and be supportive by and large, and share their experience through their particular lens.  It is crtical that you discern between advice given that comes from a "helpful" poster, and not to confuse it with medical advice.  There is no such thing as the one "best" plan, or the one "best" surgeon, or the one "best" techique.  There is no such thing as a "VET" that has all the answers- even if the delivery of advice is demurely softened with self-deprecating comments.  

So my specific advice?  If what you are reading on these boards (particularly posts directed at you) make you feel a lot of self-doubt, mildly upsetting, feeling like you are being cast as an outsider, whatever... then it is time to do some very honest self-reflection.  Is the post directed at helping you- and I mean sincerly helping you (versus filling a need of the person doing the posting that craves attention, flaming, etc.)?  

If the intent is percieved by you as sincere, then what?  By all means evaluate if it applies to your situation.  These posts sometimes are very effective at providing an alternate view that truly can shift your perspective and assist you in strengthening yourself and your journey. My personal favorite example of this is when newly sleeved I mentioned that my husband couldn't wait for me to eat mashed pototoes.  A simple sentence in a longer post on something entirely different, but a savvy and smart reader pointed out the possibility of the hubby and I having a problem with codependent issues when it came to food.  It completely changed my perspective, resulted in the single most important conversation I had about food (with my hubby), and armed us both with the vocabulary we could use with one another to stop the food pushing without it hurting feelings or other negative connotations.

 But sometimes? Sometimes they are more about the person doing the posting with cleverly disguised wording that makes is appear that you are in a slim minority and that you must be "saved" or doomed to fail.  Or perhaps you do not follow the "right" plan.  Or maybe your sleeve is not constructed with the right "techique" or the right "size" or by the "right surgeon".   Sometimes posters will explicity tell you to go against the medical advice given to you, but more likely than not it will feel much more like a "pressure" to do so.  Don't discount the impact this pressure can have.  The problem is- sometimes these posts are hard to tell that this is what is happening.  It takes a while to get the feel for the pattern of how some folks post, and if you are new here it will not be evident early out.   And to make it all the more confusing many, many times these types of posts have excellent advice woven in and out of the thread along with the bias and pressure to have you conform.  

By all accounts if my only source of information was from these boards I should have been a dismal failure.  I have a large sleeve.  I eat carbs. I believe in moderation and a balanced nutritional intake.  I believe that exercise helps.  No, the fact that I have cancer is not the reason I made it to goal.  By 5 months out I was eating 1200 calories. I went to support group consistently well past making goal, and will continue off and on indefinetly.  I do not think maintenance is harder than the weight loss phase. And at the end of the day, my plan- my approach really, would not work for everybody.  Maybe not even most folks.  But that is my point precisely.  You are your own person with your own specific needs- and your doctors are hopefully in tune with that.

So newbies, know that the posters here care.  They have a lot of really sound advice and can truly help you in your journey.  But be wary.  If it feels like pressure- that should be a red flag.  Be honest with  yourself and what your needs are and truly reflect on if the content of a post can help you along your path, or if it hinders.  Remember sometimes people respond to posts or start threads based on what their needs are- and there are some who "need" attention.  I don't fault them for that per se, because this board helps to fill a need to keep them on track in their journey.  I just don't want their need to interfere with your journey. 

Listen to your medical team.  Use OH as a source of support, but question everything.  Good luck on your journey. 

Great post!  What we say (or write, or even how we read a post) is almost necessarily colored by our experiences and personal beliefs.  Just like in life, there are a *few* universal truths to weight loss--but there's no one size fits all!  We're all different.  I had a REALLY hard time when I was fresh out of surgery because I was constantly comparing myself to others, which is counterproductive and dangerous, especially when your only interaction with the people to whom you're comparing yourself is 2 dimensional via the internet.  

Very good post, I am newly sleeved on the 7th and I myself am struggling and I was post questions on fb support groups and I wouldn't get advice back I was getting attacked verbally. It took a mental toal on me and emotionally I was convinced I made a huge mistake and that I was doing everything wrong. I'm still struggling but I'm more OK with it, I realize I'm new and I'm learning and how will I know what will and will not work for me and my sleeve unless I try. 

This is exactly the type of pressure I was referencing.  You are new, you are learning, and there is nothing wrong with that.  Take stock in what your plan is via your doc and add to that.  PM me anytime if you have issues!

Thank you very much..... 

Hang in there! The first few weeks are COMPLETELY overwhelming, between being sore from surgery, the emotional rollercoaster, and trying to find your new "normal." There is good advice out there, and there are people who are snarky and unhelpful, and it's hard to separate everything at first.

You can do it! 

Why couldn't you have posted this 5 weeks ago?? LOL ;)

Great post. OH has some awesome people on it. You are an asset and one of them. Thanks for taking the time for us noobs :)

Fabulous! Thanks a million! I have one major point to add to this:

Nobody here is a qualified medical professional!!

There are oodles of people here who want to help and share their stories, perspective, and advice. And there are TONS of people who mean well! But at the end of the day, we're all random (albeit friendly!) strangers on the Internet. If you have a serious question about your specific situation, you should go to a trained expert: your surgeon, your family doctor, or a professional counselor/therapist.

This is a great post and should be periodically reposted. 

this is the best order for getting medical advise

1 your surgeon

2 your pcp

3 your nut

4 your pharmacist

5 this site

6 the kindergarten kid down the street

7 your friends and relatives  that have not had wls or are one of the above