Getting closer/to tell or not to tell...

I've had my surgical consult, my psych eval, lab work, primary care release, and I see the dietician Wednesday.  After that, we can submit to insurance. I'm hoping for late February/early March.   I work in an environment that is pretty close knit and I have a very visible job.  I have told a few co-workers, my boss, and all of my friends and family know and are totally supportive.  Part of me just doesn't care, and would tell anyone.  Obviously I'm obese and unhealthy and if my story or experience can motivate someone else, Im ok with that.  On the other hand, I'm embarrassed that its come to this and that I couldn't do it alone.  People WILL ask why Ive been out for 2 weeks, and they WILL ask how I'm losing weight.  I'm just conflicted.  I know word will get around, and I don't want to tell the truth to some people and not to others.  That being said, everyone has been over the top excited for me that I have told.  My BFF was the only one with reservations, but all she asked was that I talked to her personal trainer before going through with it.  She supports my decision either way.  

Also, I just wanted to thank all of you who have posted.  I scour this site daily and my surgeon and psych were obviously impressed at how knowledgeable and prepared I was when I met with them.  It's thanks to you all.  

I'm SO excited yet terrifically scared at the same time.  I just want someone to knock me out and wake me up when it''s over!!!  

Renee

I started off not telling anyone except my family, closest co workers and best friend.  The truth is, once you start losing the weight they all suspect it and ask those closest to you, which puts those people in a tough spot. By six months if someone asked me directly what I was doing because they thought I looked great and they wanted to lose weight  too, I just told the truth. It's very liberating and empowering to own it. I will say though, I haven't had any negative comments and have received a lot of support. The difference may be waiting until after it's done, that way they can't tell you their concerns and try to talk you out of it. 

Hi, i am new here too, and hoping for the same time frame for surgery. I submit Jan 30th! I cant wait. My biggest fear is that I will be hungry.. or that I will gain weight while waiting for surgery. Best of luck!

If you've told a few people I can guarantee that a lot more know - no such thing as a secret after you've told some folks.  Might as well be open at this point, rather than coy, as people will find out - you might as well be the one delivering the message.  The thing is, it DID come to this, and your taking action to fix a problem. So be positive - I feel like I had a problem and I took control of it and did my best to fix it.

In a year people won't really remember or care, after they get used to the new you.

My cycling coach knows about my surgery - even though he's a "diet and exercise" kind of guy, he still respects what I've accomplished and uses my story of weight loss as a motivator for others.  The results are what matters, not how you got there, and if we all are open about it, then there won't be any stigma around it anymore, but if we hide it, then we're contributing to the stigma - there must be something to be ashamed about... why else hide it.  

Good luck!

Tom

I also decided to tell anyone who asked.  When I first started, I got a couple rude and uninformed comments and that threw me, but then I rephrased how I presented it, and after that it was fine.

The first few comments were things like, "If you'd just give up that low carb diet and eat more fruits and nuts, you wouldn't need surgery."  sigh...  Another person who I hardly knew, heard about it and came up to me and started asking me what I was going to do about all the excess skin.  - as if this were something I wanted to share with a stranger!

How I rephrased it was.  "I've been very concerned about my weight and I cannot get a handle on it.  So I've been working with the Medical Weight Loss Clinic at Lahey.  I've decided to have WLS.  It is actually the only thing that works for long term weight loss.  Then I'd talk a little statistics, if I felt I needed to justify it.

I am really glad I decided to do this rather than keep secrets.  That just isn't in my nature.  And truly, by the time the weight loss was really obvious, it was so "last year!" Yup, I'm losing weight, but my life is on to other things now."

Best of luck,

Carol

Telling people is something I've given a lot of thought to.  Pre-surgery, I'm just telling the people that would care if I died :P  

I had initially thought that I would just tell people "diet and exercise" when they asked how I was losing weight, but some comments here got me thinking about how that might make people feel who had failed at losing weight with diet and exercise.  You know.. people like me :P  

I've now decided that I'll tell people "VSG, diet and exercise" or just "I'd rather not talk about this."  I think both are valid answers :)

Hi Renee!  

Like you said, people will ask, no matter what.  Just have a planned response like "I'm doing fine, thank you.  Now, tell me how you're doing!"  

It's tough - but just take control of the conversation, don't bother trying to convince the "nay-sayers"!

Best wishes for your success!  

I also struggled with telling people.  I had a few people I knew have WLS and heard the comments that were made by others and even me at the time so I did not want the comments to be thrown at me.  As I got closer to my surgery date, I decided to let everyone know.  I have so much weight to lose and have been obese all of my life that people are going to question the weight loss, the limited meals, and all the other stuff that goes with it.  I decided that I was taking ownership of my issue and proud that I was doing something about it.  It is also a way to show people that this is not 'the easy way out" by showing people the restrictions on food and the amount of work that goes into making sure you are keeping your body nourished.  I work in the mental health field and think about the stigma that people face with a mental health diagnosis and the stigma attached to obesity is similar.  I felt that I was being two faced when I was telling people not to be ashamed of getting help for their mental health diagnosis when I was hiding the help I was getting for my obesity diagnosis.  It has been one month today and I have to tell you that the responses I have received all have been extremely positive.  I have also met some amazing people who have had the surgery years before and were able to guide me through some of the hurdles.  I have also helped several other people who were struggling with the decision.  I have not regretted telling anyone and I am sure there are comments being made behind my back but those people were probably already making comments about me anyway.  I have lost 58 lb since beginning my journey in June and 43 lbs since 12/2.  I would have not been able to do this without the tool and it is a little hard to say that much weight loss in a month has been from diet and exercise alone therefore that is another reason not to hide the surgery.  I hopt this helps!

This may sound messed up, but I could use some guidance in this area. There are people around me and at work that have pretty negative attitudes about wls. I plan to hide the weight loss for a while by wearing big clothes etc. but sooner or later it will become apparent, especially if I lose my hair etc (my partner and I discussed this possibility and if my hair falls out I'll just shave my head).

Guess I'll play it by ear. I really don't care what the people at work think of me there, so if they think I'm a screwball, what else is new. I just go there to fix software and make money.

Hair loss? I didn't know this- I have to learn more