Mean People Suck!

I saw that bumper sticker again yesterday, and given some of our recent experiences online and in our everyday world, I thought I'd just reiterate!

I expect we've all been "guilty" of some type of "mean" behavior sometime in our lives - but the difference I see is that I truly (used to) believe that people just didn't realize they were being mean.  And if I was unintentionally mean, I apologized profusely, etc.

But I have come to the conclusion that  there are truly mean people out there -- online, in our families and in our workplace.  And you know, I still just don't want to believe it.  But it's true. And even worse, I often let their comments and actions bother me more than I should!

I just don't understand "mean" behavior.  I can only conclude that some people feel so bad about themselves that they can only build themselves up by trying to take down other people.  

Thank you all for not being "mean people"!  I am always buoyed by the kindness and good advice on this board!  

So don't let the mean people get you down!  

I have discovered that truly mean people are not very in touch with their own emotions.  It's their way to deflect attention from what the real issue is so that they can focus on the fight rather than the feelings they might have themselves.  It's fear-based most of the time (in my opinion anyway), and if they can let go of the fear they'll find it easier to empathize with others who may have a different journey to go on, but who have many of the same hopes, fears, and struggles.  

It's like saying a dog is mean because he nipped at you the first time you met him.  Once he gets over his fear, he might be the cuddliest, sweetest companion you'd ever want to meet!

Unfortunately, there are people in the world who feel better about themselves when they are making others uncomfortable.  There are also people who get joy out of hurting people, whether with words or by other means.  I work in the Mental Health field and I am insulted, degraded, threatened on a frequent basis.  My mom's words come back to me often.  "Consider the source."  If the person who is mean doesn't make a difference in your life, then who cares what they say? 

One of my favorite quotes is from Henry Rollins.  He says "I don't believe in fate or destiny.  I believe in varying degrees of fear, hatred and abandonment.  How every much of that gets heaped on you doesn't matter---it's only a matter of how much you can take and what it does to you."

"Consider the source."

I. LOVE. THAT. Thank you! Your Mom is a smart woman!

Beautifully said.  I had to work really hard to hear and understand what you mom taught you at an early age.  I was just not made to be able to easily deal with raw anger, and bad intentions.  I have had to learn to listen to your mother's sage advice.  Some mom's are naturally born therapists.  You are lucky.  :)

Megan,

Your wise words here reminded me of something I once heard, from where or who, way too long ago to recall. But it does not matter who said it or when because it still holds true,..."the true definition of a lady or a gentleman is one who makes those in their company feel at ease".

I once saw a FUGLY guy driving a not so cool truck with a bumper sticker that said "No Fat Chicks".  I was pre-op at the time & I don't know if I was more pissed off or sad to see that someone would actually put a sticker like that on their car.  I ended up just driving by calling out, "You piece of ****".... not that he heard me but whateverzzzz.....

If I'd been with you, I would have given him the low finger too (you flip someone the bird but you keep your hand low in your car so they can't actually see it)  Hey it's theraputic and low-risk!  

I'm not sure what bumper sticker you are talking about but I'm sorry to hear that it bummed you out!

I will never understand mean people either. I have no doubt that I saw things that either come out wrong or are perceived as hurtful... but what I DO know is that I NEVER, EVER say them intentionally. NEVER. I would never intentionally try to hurt someone feelings; however, I know that if I do it unintentionally, I always apologize.

Living in a college town, I have had my share of rude/mean people make comments to me. Thank god it doesn't happen anymore. I remember the first time it happened, I was walking with my boyfriend (now husband) back to my apartment and a group of guys yelled "SHAMU!!!!" out the window of their car at me. At the time, I was vulnerable and sensitive and cried all night while my husband held me and tried to comfort me.

I've heard "Learn to drive fatty!" and I've heard these college aged boys whistled and then laugh at me as well. MOOOOOO always seems to be a popular option when I'm walking past a popular downtown bar that has outside seating on a nice day. It's so sad that these people have to treat me so poorly in order to feel some kind of happiness or get some laughter. I will never understand! 

Nikke-

Those people should be seriously ashamed of themselves!!!!  Good gravy, nobody deserves to be treated like that.  It breaks my heart that those people said that crappy stuff to you.  What is so horrible about things like that is that they probably don't even remember being that crappy yet we (the target) will never forget it.

You are beautiful.