Out of control and getting scared

I am 3-1/2 years out and am losing all control of what I know and should be doing.  I have gained almost 10 lbs (would lose 2-3 and then regain) and am so afraid that that number is going to keep going up.  I know what I should be doing and I usually start the day out in the right direction but during the course of the day I start eating this eating that and then I think well I just fkd up the whole day why bother.  It's this attitude that helped balloon me up to 267 lbs at one time and I never want to see that number again.  I'm sitting here at work typing crying and totally out of control.  Just an example of today and it's only 11;24AM I have had:  2 coffees, 2 hb eggs, 2 LC Cheese, and two Atkins bars - it's insane!!!!!!  UUUGGGHHHH I just want to scream because I know what to do - and I'm not even hungry!!! 

Sorry I just needed to rant a little to the people who would understand what I am going through right now.  I couldn't explain this to just anyone they have no idea what it's like to be an eater and then all of a sudden stop.  I need to get my head back into this and fast because that scale is not my friend right now. 

Toni

Kill the Atkins bars.  Really.  If they are not at your desk, you can't eat them.  Some of them are triggers for me, and sounds like it for you as well --otherwise, why would you have eaten two of them?

First -- get rid of everything that makes it easy to snack on.  Track what you are eating, up your water, etc.  You will regain if you don't turn it around now.   100 extra calorie only turns into 200 or 300 if you allow it -- and if you allow it every day, as soon as you make a mistake, you are setting yourself up for failure.

I'd also recommend some counseling or deep introspection to help you understand why you are now self sabotaging -- is something else out of control in your life and you are eating in response?  Are you bored, hate your job, etc?  Those things will still be problems, and you'll just be fat, if you let eating take over. 

I'm strugging as well -- in a two month stall -- and it's ever so tempting to just eat whatever I want.  But I've been there, done that, and have WLS to show for it.  Don't let yourself go back down that path!

Best of luck in your journey. You can get back on track!

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this!  Have you considered trying therapy?  Sounds like the logical part of your brain knows what to do, but your emotional side is winning.  You could be depressed, bored, or self sabotaging yourself; a good therapist can give you the tools to recognize your triggers and deal with them.

Don't beat yourself up!  You know what needs to be done and you will be ok.  You have done a great job and you will continue to do great.

Good luck!

I get it, totally get it.  You are back to emotional eating because that feels comfortable.  You caught this early, and you can stop it.

You need a plan again.  A solid, written down plan.  I am going to re-post an earlier post of mine that I wrote to another OH member in your same situation.  See if it is helpful to you.  If you need help coming up with a detailed plan, reach out to a VET that has been maintaining for a while and lets do this together.  Don't cry, don't give up, just get deadly serious.....you can do this.

OK, take a deep breath, hold my hand, and here we go.....

First, we have all been there over and over and over again.  This is not the last time you are going to find yourself here therefore how we learn to deal with this really determines our success or failure long term.  No pressure right.  Second, this can be dealt with.  Really, it is going to be alright in the end.  I promise.  Take another deep breath.  OK, back to basics.
 NUMBER ONE RULE: MAKE A PLAN

I am not kidding, stop reading right now, and get a paper and pencil or open another screen or whatever you need to do to take notes.  You are going to make a plan, just for you, and you are going to stick with it until....

Your plan is going to include the number or calories you are going to eat everyday, the protein count, the carb count, the water amount.  You are going to write down just how you are planning to keep yourself accountable, is it going to be written in a brand new shiny notebook, a website, some other way.  Make a choice right now.  Ask yourself about the number of times you are going to eat every day.  Are you going to eat three times a day and no snacks?  Or are you going to allow yourself two snacks and three meals?  How many meals and when will you eat them?  Are you going to have a schedule or are you using some other way to plan them out?  How are you going to measure your food?  Are you using small bowls that only hold about one cup to eat from? Are you using a scale, a measuring cup or what?  Which threads are you going to be accountable on?  The maintenance weight one from Cindy? or Ms. Shell's or what?  I want details.  How are you going to get your water in?  Do you use a particular bottle that you know the measurement of and you need a particular number of them a day to meet your goal?  Do you see where I am going here.  I WANT A DETAILED PLAN in writing and with accountability.  Now drop and give me twenty.  Just kidding there.  :)      

This is how you are going to win this battle.  You are going to plan to win it, organize your life around winning it, and report back about how well you are winning it.  You will make corrections as needed until you get to goal.  We are going to cheer you on the whole way home.  This is how you will win this time and the next time and the time after that.  This is for life.  Stay connected, never forget where you started and don't ever get ****y that you "got" this.  I will be there for you and you will need to be there for me when I need it.  Together we are strong.  I believe in you, make it happen.

Also, you might benefit on some posts I have made about emotional eating and how to beat it.  Let me know if you need my help in digging them out.  You can do this.

Elina,  As always you have just the right things to say.  I went for a long walk at lunch and had a strong conversation with myself that I went through to much and worked to hard to lose what I did and keep it off (the first time ever).  I am putting my mind back into plan mode and am on a mission to lose what I have gained.  The tears are gone because that never helped, and my determination is here.

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and that shoulder to lean on. 

Toni

hi Toni,

A little rant is ok, this week I think I would have eaten anything within reach, so I do understand it is not easy. The challenge is not to give up or give in to those thoughts that the day week or month is shot. No need to wait until tomorrow. We can make better choices starting right now.

You can do this, all the best, Katy

Welcome to the story of my life. 

You need to be honest with yourself and figure out what's triggering this. There is always something. For me, it can be something big like relationship issues or even something small like an unpaid pill that can send me into a feeding frenzy. Sometimes i deliberately go into avoidance mode of a particular issue but it only leads to one place - out of control eating. When Im totally out of control, there is no use in worrying immediately about my eating - I need to deal with whatever is at the root of my problem. Once I resolve it, it's very easy to get back on track. Thought Id just share that - Ive been going to therapy but really it doesn't help much with eating issues, but it does seem to force me to think about and deal with some of the deeper underlying issues I have which one day - hopefully I can resolve. 

PI hope you can take a few minutes today and look at how amazing you have done - yes, 10 lbs seems like a lot...but in the grand scheme of things, that's pretty good. And what's more amazing is that you have the insight right now to see where you are headed. That is something a lot of us lacked before WLS..so celebrate hat. (And by focusing on the postive for a few minutes, you may find it easier to work towards getting back in control). 

You can do this. 

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement.  I think a lot of this is from being bored and food has always been my best friend.  Now I just have to make new friends with food!!  Therapy is fine but like you said it really doesn't deal with eating.  I went for a long walk at lunch and did some thinking that food is not going to change anything, it never did before.  I worked to damn hard to lose what I did - so I am getting my head back into this. 

Thanks again.

I want to thank everyone *****plied to my post.  I had a moment, went for a long walk and had a long conversation with myself.  I worked to hard to lose this weight and keep it off which is something I have never ever done in my life.  I know what to do and I am right back into this full force. 

Thank you all again for letting me vent and to appreciate the friends I have on this wonderful site.

Toni