Feeling a little better but my motivation is close to zero

Ive gotten a little bit of relief from my excrutiating back pain that had me in tears for a month. I actually managed to go a whole day without any narcotics - I took a 10 minute walk, cooked for an hour, and ran two errands that involved a little walking and didnt die (but i definitely had to take a pill and get the ice and call it a day). So this is good and im really happy that im slightly functional again. 

My back doctor wants me to lose 30 lbs as quickly as possible. I certainly have a very good external motivator to do it because I need my back to get better and im tired of being fat ( i know i know, i dont look fat but i feel fat). But, I dangled my feet over the cliff last week when my pain was the worst, and started eating crap after a solid two months on track, and now I dont want to stand up and back away from this dangerous cliff. I loved the paleo plan and how it made me feel but I just cant do it now. Ive had a few false starts, and since I realize that I can't do it, I need a new plan, but dont know what I need. (its not that bad but my biggest problem is artificial sweetners and after giving them up for a whole month, and adding them back, they make me feel like crap and cause major bloating). They are definitely my crutch because I can consume very low calorie/no calories drinks/snacks when i have the emotional munchies (pain and boredom are my two biggest triggers and hell, I have both of them as i sit at home recovering). 

So, i dont know where im going to get my motivation from, but I need to pull it out of a hat quickly. I have done well today minus the coffee/artificial sweetners so i am happy about that. Next week I am hopeful that I can resume swimming or at least doing some water workouts to get some endorpins going, burn a few calories, and just get the hell out of the house. 

Im just grumpy and rambling but thought Id share with all my friends - at least there's a little bit of good news. 

And, I have a hot steamy boy taking me to relax at the beach next weekend, so I really really need a plan to stay on track. The details are on my blog for those that have been begging to know :)

Alison, I think about this issue quite a bit--if the time comes when I really need motivation and I just do not have it, what then??  I can't say that I've come up with an answer, but I've thought of some things that help me:

 

Before and after pictures

Doing "it" (whatever "it" is) for 2 days, and hoping the detox will self-perpetuate

Reading Buddhist writings about coping with suffering, cause I often find stuff that speaks to me and actually helps me.  One book I love: The Places that Scare You by Pema Chodron.  She is American and so I find her writing really accessible and helpful.  

That's all I have for now.  I'm with ya, sister.

Jenny

I will check out the book because I have lots of time to read :)

Detoxing certainly does self perpetuate. My brain has a little trick it plays to make me try and forget that lol. Well, knowing it and doing it are just two different things. This bloated belly with a roll forming ought to be enough, sheesh. 

Sounds like you have a few potential motivators. Less pain, hot boy, etc. just do it! On paleo aren't you allowed honey? Have you tried Monk Fruit In The Raw as a sweetener? It's not artificial, zero cal and tastes really good. I just picked some up and so far quite pleased with it. 

Man sometimes I wish I could follow you around with a megaphone to keep you on track. Seems like you are right there and just need the extra push. Of course I might need a taser for defense since you scare me a bit but I so want you to succeed! I have been following you since I got on this board, waited patiently for you to get back from plastics and except for the time you blocked me I read all your posts. 

C'MON GIRL GET YOUR GAME ON! YOU TOTALLY CAN DO THIS. SUCCESS IS WITHIN YOUR GRASP. 30 LBS IS NOTHING. YOU CAN DO THAT WITH ONE ARM TIED BEHIND YOUR BACK. YOU ARE AN OLD PRO. JUST DO IT. FOR US, YOUR FANS!

Ive spent the last three years losing weight - im ******g tired lol. Thats all this boils down to I think. At least im lingering in a grey space where im in control but just not motivated to hit the WL phase....it's better than gaining weight lol. 

But, i know I need to get these damn lbs off or I'll hate myself for not reaching a goal. 

Where would you get something called Monk fruit in the raw and what is it (bc im too lazy to google it)

Ive heard about some coco**** sweetner for paleo things too...I guess I could try that.....could of, would of, should of ...lol

 

I'll get back to losing weight soon...i might need a few more false starts before I kick it up a notch but im getting there. 

I got it at my regular grocery store next to sugar in the raw and stevia in the raw. It was inexpensive too. Like $3.  Nectrese I believe is the same thing and its made by Splenda. 

I get what you mean by being tired. I have days where I would just like to not have to think about it. But this sadly is a race that will never end. I like to think I have made permanent changes to my eating ways and physical life but who knows. 

If I were in your shoes I would focus on how far you have come. You are so close, after 3 years what is one more year or hey, focus on one more month or just start with one more day and at the end of that day decide if you want to shoot for another. 

 

Ya know Allison pain medication and motivation don't go hand in hand as everything gets deadened, flattened and slowed down. 

Motivation is a hard one for me but the one trick i have is just to show up.  For it, for anything and stay there, not allow myself to be distracted.  That is clean the **** out of your house and refuse to go to the store, so you have little option but just to deal with what is in front of you. 

 

In terms of reaching goal that may be too big a bite to take right now.  Right now it may be to eat clean before you see hot boy.  Then the weekend not undo all the eat clean but keep it down to one treat each of those days, then Monday eat clean until the next Friday.  baby steps baby girl, because it feels like your plate runneth over with things to deal with right now and while I'm glad you took leave, that's a lot of hours not to put something in your mouth out of boredom if nothing else. Find something on the internet to interest you.  Kittens, porn, games, virtual worlds, whatever your thing is.  for some reason i can ea****ching TV but not the internet since i need my hands to navigate.

 

Stay the course, whatever one you can navigate during this time but be mindful of how muck you ******g hate gaining.  Just remember what that feels like and you don't need it on top of the rest of this crap.

 

Pulling for you.

 

Oh and PS:  in terms of steamy boys, careful of the back

Pain and pain pills would be enough to kill the motivation, Fortunately, im in too much pain today to go to the store so im stuck with yesterdays cooking (yay for dry meatloaf and veggie soup). 

Im getting an epidural friday before my beach excursion. If im still in pain monday, we can blame it on the boy :)

You can find the Monk fruit sweetner at Wal mart. I saw it a couple days ago. Close to yhe Stevia, etc...

I wish I could give you the motivation but, it must come from you. I firmly believe you can do it.
I had back surgery 3 years ago for a herniated disk. I had always had back issues but, Oh! BOY was this different. My left side was numb and my butt hurt like you wouldnt imagine.
Lose the weight the best way you can. Worry about the little details later.

I wish you well...in both meanings.

I know you are super sick of weight loss mode, but if you can hang in a little longer, your back may love you for it. About sweeteners, my friend in NC has some super horrid food allergies so she is extremely limited by what she can eat. She uses stevia, monk fruit and coconut palm sugar when she craves something sweet. She is allergic to wheat, soy, corn, and rice so baking is a challenge. She uses coconut flour and almond flour to make muffins, etc. She tells me that she got used to it and feels so much better. Have you checked out possible food allergies for your stomach issues? My friend was having lots of stomach problems before her allergies were discovered. She has lost some weight too because she isn't bloated anymore. I know it's a long shot, but at this point, relief would be worth the exploration. Enjoy the beach.