Celebrating today - lots of gratitude

Every day, i learn more and more about the importance of the mental side of this journey - my attitude, what I tell myself, how I react to things.

But today I am celebrating - I didnt really "do" anything amazing, but for me, it is, and Ive decided its worth celebrating. Not sure how since I can't go or do much but if nothing else, I'll do a happy dance in my head.

For the last 9 months, Ive struggle so much. Struggled to lose weight, struggled to maintain, and ended up gaining weight. 2 months ago - 60 days today - I hit rock bottom - and started on a new and better path. I did Whole 30 for a month, and ive been doing roughly 70% paleo since then - I went from eating cookies, sweets, fast food every day to cutting out all of that - i havent had any bread, grains, oats, rice, added sugars,dairy, sweets, fast food, nothing like that. For 60 days. For me that's huge. Now, Ive eaten enough lara bars (they are paleo friendly but not WL friendly) to make me scratch my head and think I might as well eat a damn cookie, but its the principal of the matter - im putting higher quality food in my body and that is worth celebrating.

Ive been suffering from crippling pain for a while now and it would be really easy to give up right now -the pain and anxiety is certainly making me eat more than I want to - but Im not gaining weight because I'm not eating junk. I want to be disappointed in myself but I cant. Im surviving and getting by, and by not beating myself up, I'm not sliding down that slippery slope. That was definitely my biggest problem for most of my life - every diet ended with the first bite of non-approved food, and even during my WL phase, if I had one bad meal, Id have a bad day, without fail.

Freeing myself from that in the last couple months has been the best thing Ive done for myself, and ive given myself a fighting chance at getting my extra weight off. getting there wont be about the number of calories or carbs I eat, or how many calories I burn - it will be completely about my attitude, my outlook, and my reactions to my choices.

Each day I wake up - I find something to be grateful for. Its made a big difference to me. Today, I am grateful that I dont have an extra 220 lbs to carry around with my bulging disks and spinal stenosis because I would absolutely be immobile. the next time im looking at gaining weight, I'll certainly remember this pain and think twice before going there.

I officially start my medical leave from work today so i dont have to work in pain - and so Monday, Im re-starting Whole 30 to clean up diet again. Im hoping to lose weight as that is what my doctor has asked me to do, but she also approves of the diet approach for the benefits to my body in helping with healing.

 

Good for you!  Celebrate, this is a big accomplishment and a healthy way to look at life.

Congrats!  I do hope the pain gets better and/or at least more manageable for you.

You have a lot to be proud of!! I know that there are many people on this site that are super proud of you and inspired by you, me being one of them. You were the first person that I felt a connection too when I joined the site. I remember reading your blog posts and your posts on here and just eating up the knowledge you had to share. I have suffered from debilitating pain for almost 7yrs now and it is an awesome excuse to eat comforting foods and not do any exercise. I used that excuse for years and it really is a legitimate excuse, but I realize that life was passing by me and I need to join in. I am thankful for you and all the other veterans on here that are willing to share their stories with complete strangers. You continue to inspiring me and I know you are inspiring others. Congrats on 60 days of clean eating, not an easy thing to do at all!!! Keep up the hard work!! You are a strong woman and I know you can do this!!

Wow 7 years is a long time!!! You know, I think its a totally awesome excuse but during my therapy session yesterday, I had to admit outloud that while eating makes me feel better for about 5 seconds while I scarf it down (cause you know, when youre eating out of pain...you are savoring your food) but then I still have the pain and anxiety. Im trying to find or make something to put in my kitchen to remind me of that. And the last thing I need is even an extra 5 lbs on my back.

I hardly think I should inspire anyone, but i continue to put it out there to help others. I am glad that you feel inspired by me :)

I think what you've done is pretty amazing, and under painful and hard cir****tances too!  I'm glad you're taking pride in cleaning up your diet and hope that you get some relief from the debilitating pain very soon.  

It took me too long to decide that I really need to be home on medical leave than killing myself for a job. I love my coworkers and feel horrible that they are already stressed and my absence will be super hard on them, but...I need to start putting myself first sometimes. its something im working on in therapy, so this was a big step for me. i  just HOPE i get relief from it too :)

Man is this ever a lesson we get to learn over and over again, no matter how much of a handle we think we have on it, that when things get difficult, food will help.  It doesn't, it really doesn't. 

For that first few seconds now (used to be minutes/) the pure pleasure of taste but then it's gone and you feel even ****tier for having done it.

I had some **** crash this week and I swear to you my first thought was that i deserved a cupcake.  I swear severing the nerve endings so that's not the first thing to occur to soothe is gonna be life's work.

I want to celebrate you and how hard you work to get yourself there. THERE, being somewhere you want to be in all this. It's really something.

 

You're a tenacious ******  They should clone you

So my takeaway from your post is that while our behaviors are important, it's our perspective on our behaviors that is critical. I've struggled too with creating drama where there really is none, and the results have been disastrous. Not to mention painful. I'm trying really really hard to leave the extreme emotional responses behind and instead focus on learning from my mistakes. So far, this new approach is a lot less painful and a whole lot more productive!

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO proud of you, Honey!  Mindfulness in every way will guide you through this period of time.  I know you will be successful!

Love you,

Ree xoxox

Hugs to you!  I know how miserable living with severe pain is.  It makes it hard to focus on the simplest thing.  I think it's great that you are finding a way to be kind to yourself.  Cutting out the junk must have been hard, but it tells me that you know you are worth the effort.  Good job!