Emotional ramblings...thoughts about eating disorder treatment

I am concerned about the inappropriate behavior of the therapist and your insurer not taking any action to address the situation and help you find someone else (I know more about that kind of stuff than actual therapy, and you've already recieved some good advice about that!).

Have you filed a formal complaint about his behavior?  If you call member services, they should be able to tell you how to make a complaint against the provider, especially if he is their employee.  

Also, have you considered legal action - -this is completely inappropriate behavior, and if you are up to it, it might help.  

If you have a state insurance commissioner or omsbudsman, you can also appeal to that office.  It's an office that oversees insurance companies, and here in Maryland, you can take your case to the insurance commissioner, who will investigate, and can help.

I am sorry you are going through all of this.  

The funny thing is...I'm an attorney, but the last thing I wanted to do was consider legal action because ive been way to emotional. Im starting to get more angry now...so Ive talked to some lawyers. I need to be in therapy before begining any kind of significant law suit though because it could easily cause me to just slide further down my dark hole. 

I filed a complaint with my insurer...they wont tell me what they are going to do about it. They are doing an investigation and as far as I can tell, he isnt working there any more but im not sure. 

I need to file a complaint with the licensing board but i need to be a little more emotionally stable before going through another investigation (the first one with the insurance company was enough lol). 

Im just shocked that my insurance company isnt bending over backwards to get me the help I need. They actually want me to go back into the building where all this happened and it's just not going to happen. 

In general, insurance companies are asshats. and even more asshatish when it comes to mental health.

That being said: if you ever feel like it's so bad, you can't be refused treatment if you walk into an ER and tell them that things are horrid and simply put, you need help now before something awful happens.

Does this therapist not take insurance at all? Is s/he willing to call your company on your behalf and try to get you covered? Some sort of medical necessity or something?

She tried pretty hard actually...she got further than I did. That's when I knew I really needed to work with her. 

Given her willingness, def approach her about the sliding scale. Figure out what you can reasonably afford and tell her that.

I've seen ppl for as little as $5 when I was in grad school. And when my friend (who is a psychiatrist herself) saw someone while she was in residency, she paid $75. She still sees the same therapist and I believe her rate is now in the $300-400 range, just to give you an idea of how much these scales can slide if you have someone who is willing to help, if even til you get back to work and can pay full.

Hang in there. You have done so much, even if it feels like nothing. Even deciding to change the eating and focusing on a Whole30 is something to be lauded.

Xoxo.

Sorry, I just have to say what a complete dick!  I want to fly to California and beat the crap out of that therapist...the pig.

Ugh.  Ok, I am not an expert on therapy.  I have had some over the years, some really good, some I got nothing out of.  I hope you can find someone that you can actually trust so that you can relax enough to work on your issues.

Sorry, not much help, but I am sending all of the positive energy I can muster your way!!

You may remember, but in another one of your posts I suggested these books, about CBT.  A therapist suggested them for me:

http://www.feelinggood.com/books.htm

This is great advise for how to find a great therapist, by a super famous San Francisco therapist.  She describes what to look for in a therapist:

http://drruthwetherford.com/

She wrote me about my eating and binge disorders and told me this:

"Basically, there is no sure-fire, concrete way to know if your therapist is skilled in the area of food addiction.  So I don't have any specific advice, other than using your own sense of how well you think/feel she is helping you.  Don't hesitate to ask questions and get information about what her thinking is about helping people with eating difficulties, and about you in particular.  Like I said in my video, it is very important that you feel she is helping you connect with her in a way that feels good to you.  Do you feel like she is respectful of you, not critical or judgmental, is intelligent and can help you learn about those aspects of yourself and your behavior that are contributing to your food addiction, is knowledgeable about physiological components of overeating/depression, is empathic with you and is creating a therapeutic alliance with you.  

If the answers to these questions are yes, then you are probably in good hands.  if you feel uncertain or ambivalent, it is very acceptable for you to get second/third/etc opinions, until you find someone you do have a good "fit" with.

For my own clients who have any physical complaints, I recommend that they have a thorough evaluation by a naturopathic physician.  If you are unfamiliar with naturopathic medicine, which is a bona fide branch of medicine, you could learn about it by researching online, or there is a good book which gives an overview of it: The 7-day Detox Miracle, 2nd edition. If you want to find a good naturopathic doctor..."

I did end up seeing a naturopathic doctor locally, who has helped.

I am now seeing a top CBT therapist in my city and I *think* he is helping - it is a little too early to tell as I am having trouble with too much sugar in my food right now, and carbs.  But the Sleeve is making it so I can't really overeat.  I like my therapist since he is super smart, and heads up the State's Psych Association, he is this year's president, so he is really top dog and has been a CBT therapist for 30 years.  The therapist who did my Psych Eval for the Sleeve referred me to him.  I am grateful that he is totally covered by insurance!  Before, I was paying $160 a session for therapy.  It was killing me!

Good luck!

Therapy worked for me.  I saw a woman who specialized in eating disorders.  I'm surprised that you have so few options. 

I was in therapy for the first 6 months post-op because I knew that my emotions led me to almost 400 pounds. I was also determined (and scared) to not let this huge financial investment go to waste.  That being said, therapy sucked at first.  I would leave and go eat a burger before I had the surgery.  After the surgery, I didn't have that as an option so it got raw.  What do you do when you lose your main coping mechanism?  You get serious about finding others.  But it wasn't pretty.

I picked my therapist for a few reasons.  First, it was recommended by a nurse that worked for a medical diet program.  Then I researched her credentials. I read what she wrote and what was said about her. I noticed what other things she was involved in like a support group for eating disorders or lectures to physicians on eating disorders.  I got a sense of her expertise.  Then I went twice and trusted my instincts about her.  I didn't like therapy but my instincts told me that she was good.  BTw, I first saw her a year before the surgery.

What made her effective for me was her focus on how I perceive things, described things in my head, and treated myself. She helped me recognize how mean I was to myself. It is counterproductive to my goals to be mean to myself. Now, I love me. I'm flawed and fabulous.  Trying to be perfect created anxiety that I couldn't handle.

 

I hear your frustration...as I also have had run ins with therapists.

I will say that I dove into CBT as part of my VSG  pre-op req from my Doc. I got lucky because he is the best and the most effective therapist I ever had.

It helps that he's in his 60's, has grey hair and a fluffy gray beard and stach...very grandfatherly so I trusted him immediately.

I went knowing that anxiety is my biggest issue that drives my eating, but instead of focusing on deep breathing crap...he listened for first 2 sessions...then WHACKED (figuratively) me over the head with it. He helped me to realize that

1) I hand over control to others despite my own need to control situations and this struggle for control causes anxiety for me.=Now I take control by saying or doing what I want before getting someone elses input...so I put myself first.

2) He helped me realize I use the word "need" too much...and this is anxiety producing because if I feel that "I NEED to get home on time and get dinner on the table for 6 pm and get out the door by 7pm to get kids to hockey practice". If I DON'T...then what will happen? He made me go thru the whole thing...dinner is late...will kids hate me? Will anyone die if dinner is late? Do I NEED to cook dinner? You only NEED certain thinks in life to live...we may WANT...but not NEED. Hmmmmm...made me really think.

3) What about not confronting someone...what was I afraid of? He walked me thru specific situations in my life and asked nitty gritty questions that made me realize that alot of what I THINK I need to do, and situations I avoid that are stress producers...really cause me anxiety and  that with practice I can control.

Fight or flight.

I now have pictures of Bugs Bunny and Tazmanian Devil in strategic locations and anxiety situations come up...this visual goes like this: I have to be bugs bunny, all cool calm and collected munching on my carrot, while the crazy person or out of control situation spins like a tornado all around me. Nothing is permanent and it willl pass...and I will still be there munching on my carrot. Anxiety attack quelled.For me it really works!! He charges $125 also.

I wish you could come up here to RI so I could introduce you to him. He's the bomb.

I hope you can find what you need. You have come so far and to have to deal with now really sucks.

Peace to you

~Deb

I wish I could find therapists like that...the ones I have met with...they completely missed the issues, the point of me being there...it was like...they could give me their baloney feed back "hey im listening' but they never really "got it".  but IM sure i'll find one.