I've lost my daughter

I went over this many time as to weather or not I would post this here.  I have decided to even though many will judge me and say harsh things.

On May 12th 2013 my 11 year old daughter took her own life.  We had no indication that this would happen and the signs we did see we considered normal parts of puberty.  So why here?  Because I want to tell you all not to wait.  If you are thinking about this surgery do it.  This last year with my daughter was better for her.  She got to be in gymnastics and play basketball.  Why?  Because mom wasn't too tired to get of the couch anymore.  It was because of the VSG.  It wouldn't have happened with out it. We got to do more living.

Also I want to tell every parent to talk to their children, because sometimes you have no idea how much pain they hold inside.  I didn't know.  My daughter was an extremely introverted child.  I thought this was just her personality and never though this could be possible.   Our children are exposed to suicide and the idea and it is important to ask them directly how they are feeling everyday.  It's important to ask them if they have ever considered hurting themselves. Suicided is the third leading cause of death for children and teens.  It's important to ask if they are being bullied at school.  That was true in my daughters case.  Again, I didn't know.  My point?  Talk to your children and know what is going on.  My daughter most likely suffered from Bi Polar disorder that her father had or depression which I had.  My son has Mood Disorder NOS and I feel I should have known my daughter would also have suffered from mental illness.  She just didn't show the outward signs that my son did.  She kept it all inside.  Mental Illness is real and treatable.  It's not different than any other disease.  It is just stigmatized and shouldn't be.  Much like obesity is a illness that shouldn't be stigmatized. 

I assumed my daughter was ok because she did well in school and never had any type of behavioral problems.  I was wrong.  She was a high achiever and a perfectionist.  She had what I assumed to be a strong social network with friends.  She was also very beautiful.  She kept it all inside and I though she was completely fine.  She was extremely intelligent even tested for gifted at one point.  She was so smart she was able to hide this all from everyone.

Don't wait!  Life can change in a moment! If you are considering taking you own life please get help.  People do care and there is hope.

Oh my God, I am so very sorry.  What a devastating loss that I can't even imagine.  Thank you for sharing.  Anyone with children can find themselves in a similar or equally devastating situation at some point, so I very much appreciate you sharing your story.  I will pray for you and your family.

HappieGirl, thanks for posting this. I'm glad you had a good last year with your daughter and can't imagine how difficult it was for you to write this in hopes that you might help someone.  I can't say how sorry I am that you've been going through this!

Jane

I don't know what to say, but I wanted to offer up some hugs for you and thank you, sincerely, for posting this. It's something we, as parents, need to talk about. You are right. I will cherish today for so many reasons. Love you.

My heart goes out to you. What strength and courage you must have to share this so that others will be aware. This is a good thing you have done and it honors your daughter's memory. I know she must have been beautiful inside and out like her mother. I am so sorry for your loss. Mental illness is not given the attention and priority it deserves. I tell everyone close to me when they lose a loved one to be comforted by their grief because the amount of grief is proportional to the greatness of the person lost. I know she will always be close in your heart.

No judging here!  I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for posting.  Our kids and even other loved ones go through so much and are masters at hiding things and sometimes we find out too late.  Please continue to take care of yourself and the rest of your family.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Big hug coming your way!

My sincere condolences. And hugs. You are a strong and wise woman. Your angel will always be with you. 

Wow, that's devastating. Thanks for sharing it, it's nice you've found something positive to remark on. Regardless, it's horrible. My experience is yes, they hide it the best from the people they are closest to. Hang in there.

I am so very sorry.  I will keep you, your family & everyone affected by this loss in my thoughts and prayers.

I thought I was about to read your post about "losing your daughter" in pounds, if that makes sense.  I have seen people post it like that before where they lost 80 pounds if their child weighed that much.  My heart felt like it dropped to the floor as I started to read your post.  I wish I could give you a big hug.

You are most absolutely right.  It's time to live in the present and not wait until tomorrow.  If you need to talk, I am here.  You can message me or I can even give you my phone number; just know there are people here to help and support you.

Take care of yourself my friend.