25 days from suregery and struggling to stay on course...

I would love to blame my recent lapses in judgment on the Holiday. but that's not real.  I would like to say that having my parents stay with me, demanding I make my "special ribs", or "homemade pizza" is too much of a barrier, but that would also be an excuse.  Both of the things are a legitimate influence, but still no excuse.  I even found myself falling back on the old excuse that "Dammit, I cooked everything I am going to try it this one last time... which translated into 2 days of outrageous eating ( 3 if you count the work potluck on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  The truth is these past few weeks I have been out of control.  I think every since the surgery became real to me I have been panicking at the thought of losing "good food" all the while I consciously know that food that is really good for you is not my problem.

The fear of rejection by my family when I no longer provide them with food escapes is terrifying, ( and completely imaginary!) The " this is the last time I'm going to have this so I'll make a memory" method is ludicrous and all of it just adds up to me judging myself harshly which doesn't change or improve the situation.  Today 25 days away from surgery I started doing different and for myself.  I tried having protein smoothies in the morning ( designer whey, with a banana, skim milk, raw sugar packet, and frozen fruit.) thinking I was on track but was told by a good friend that I am far from it.  I had no clue it was supposed to be just the powder and the delivery system (milk, water, etc...)  I thought I was helping.  Today I had an Atkins day break shake, a protein bar, and some string cheese.  I'm hiding out from my family because they want to know "what's for dinner??" and I'm not sure I am even on the right track.  My life, in so many different areas, seems to be spiraling out of control and unmanageable at times; which is ironic since it's my job to help people figure out how to manage their family life in a healthy positive way...

Whew!  that feels better.  I have no idea if anyone will read this.  I don't think anyone can help, but it feels better to be able to be authentic, scared, flawed, and hopeful all at the same time. I know others have felt this way.  I would love to hear how you got through this.  Right now my plan is to be compassionate with myself, and forgiving.  I'm only human and I'm allowed to make some mistakes ( thanks Billy Joel!  HA!)

 

Sometimes, just letting it out will help.

Don't worry, this happens to everyone.  We're human...we're flawed, but that's what makes us beautiful.  This new life isn't a sprint, it's a marathon...it's a lifelong journey, some "mistakes" are going to happen.

Don't get so down on yourself.  Food addiction is not easy to overcome.  But with help and focus, you'll get there.  

Thanks for the encouragement, I did feel better after putting it out there.  I feel like I can put it behind me and start focusing on what's next.  Thanks for the response!

Oh my gosh! I feel the same way. December 17th is my day and I have been eating everything as if I am never going to again ...Come per op liquid diet I know I'm gonna have a struggle. We will be OK.

I am glad to know someone else is feeling the panic like me!  I know things will be okay for both us.  It's funny how we can get so focused on "never again" when that's not even a real thing, it's something i make up to justify "one last piece..."  Thanks for responding and letting me know that I'm not alone!

You are so right! We are all in this together. Thank goodness for OH

I've  been doing terribly for the last two months.  I keep feeling like I just have this one more opportunity to eat what I want.  I know it's counterproductive, but I keep doing it!  I've gained about 15 pounds.  I hope it's water weight! :-)   

I'm starting my two week pre op diet today, and so far, so good.  I'm not worried about it because I have no choice and so will do it. My biggest worry is going back to my next appointment and facing my bariatric surgeon with this gain.

 

 

Sheesh!

Gemmie 02

Here's hoping our doctors understand the panic, and that they are secretly anticipating it.  The doctor wanted me to lose 30 lbs before surgery, as soon as he left the room the nutritionist said 18 is reasonable... lol I'm shooting for 23-25 to try to make them both happy!  Good luck with your surgeon, I think in their field they have to be compassionate people.

I'm sorry you have these feelings. Pre op is hard once you have a surgery date. I think your feelings are pretty normal. Hell, I cried over pizza pre op and Im not one to cry over anything. Post op I still cook for my family the way I always did. If we have tacos I eat everything but the shell, if I make a pizza I only eat the topings, everything is pretty much the same for my family. I cook every meal that I did pre op and just make a slightly different version for myself. Life 7 months out (and down 144 lbs) is pretty much normal. Food will not be the same for you as is it is now. At least in my experience. Try and get past the "last meal" way of thinking. I know it is much easier said then done...but just remember all the food will still be there after surgery. You will get this all figured out and stop beating yourself up!

Thanks Holli(?)

I admire your strength, I don't know that I will be able to cook the way I used to.  I have been trying to prepare my family ( Husband and sister) that I won't be cooking like before, and they will have to take up some of the slack if they want to keep eating  as much as they do now. They both report that my surgery is the starting point for their new lives as well (somehow subtly indicating that i am still responsible in many ways for their nutritional intake.)  Here's hoping that me taking charge of my life and moving towards being healthy inspires them to do the same.  I know for a while there are going to be some foods I can't have around me until I am stronger and more prepared to say no.  Thanks for the encouragement and for responding!