Sometimes you have to struggle to see the light

I know what you mean about family. I have a brother that I see once a year. It takes me days, sometimes weeks to calm down from the few hours I spend with him.

Thank goodness I have another brother that awesome.

I know you know this, but don't let them take away your joy.

You are brilliant, and strong, and insightful.  This journey is very much about learning to deal with our emotions differently than we have become accustomed to dealing with them.  It ALL about learning what our issues are and then either overcoming them or learning to face them head on.  I too have used every oops as an opportunity to do a post mortem on what happened.  Three and a half years later, I can tell you that I am just not the same person on many different levels.  This really can be and should be life changing.  I am so proud of you and I send you my love and my hugs.  I am always here if you need to talk.  We can continue to learn and lean on each other. 

Your post is perfect for the upcoming holidays. Most of my family is supportive but I have quite a large extended family who just don't understand my struggle. They try to be supportive in their own way, but I really hate being a "number" as in how many pounds have you lost sort of way. The first comment made by one of my uncles when I told him my number was, " wow, you've lost a MayBell(my aunt)". That was not what I wanted to hear and not the frame I wanted around my victory. They were never satisfied with any measure of success and they never will be. I have to work on my people pleasing and just F-ing stop it!! They are good people and they mean well, but I eat my way through our holidays...not this year. You have set me on the path that I must now prepare myself for this Sunday because coconut custard pie is NOT how I want to start Monday.

Thank you, as always, for sharing your stories. Hugs and much love to you!

I know we shared some cliff notes on our crazy families when we where together, and I have to tell you that you are making a VERY wise choice. I have limited the access I give my dad and his wife to me and my family and it has changed me in so many ways. After I was able to step away from him I was able to evaluate my feelings, untangle them and order them, which makes it possible for me to have him in my life now without fear that he will be able to hurt me, or trigger the complicated emotions that used to be tied up in the relationship that would bring me to self destructive behavior.

Focus on you pretty lady, get where YOU need to be and once you get what YOU need, you can start to reevaluate the situation and see how to fit them into your life (if you even decide that is something you want!) without sending you back to old habits. It's a hard decision to make b/c we want our "family" to be our rock, the place we go for comfort and support, and when it isn't it can be an almost debilitating road block, but you are stronger then you think and you will get it figured out

Good for you!  I am bookmarking this thread so I can go back and re-read as needed your elegant and truthful stating of this problem. 

Hey Allison,

Thanks for your eloquently written note, I am sure so many of us can identify with you. You are only there for a short time and then....Plastics...right? Onward and upward my friend!

Heather

((HUGS)) One day we will meet. I will buy you a drink of your choice and we can talk families. Just know I know what you are going through. I love you.

Now that I don't have my food crutch I am plagued with intense anxiety when dealing with my family. It is a brave journey your embarking on. You will find the right place for your family and you will know, as I think you are realizing.

In this world in the end we have ourselves. Family is not always blood. I have realized this as I look back on my 44 years.

You will preserver and conquer. You will also be a Sexy skinny contoured *****

Family can be a blessing, a curse, or a little of both. I totally understand the whole family dynamic crap. I have had to completely cut off my alcoholic (semi-violent) brother. My parents where, lets just say, not good ones. I had to grow up way to fast and I believe some of the junk I endured as a young person contributed to my food issues. But, I was fortunate to have good adult role-models in my life that helped me, I just didn't see it then.  

I do think that some of our close friends are better than family. They are supportive by choice, not obligation. Also, true friends won't fake affection for you, family, they're different. If my parents were still alive, they would not have been supportive of my decision to have VSG surgery at all. My friends, they understand.

It is good that you are recognizing the family crap. Now that you understand it, it will be a little easier to deal with it.

Alison,

What an insightful, inspiring and amazing post.  I also have difficult family issues and can very much identify with what you are saying.

You are strong, brilliant and resilient.  You can do it.

((hugs))

Marie