Sometimes you have to struggle to see the light

I hate OH really I do - deleted my longer post.  So, cliff notes version. 

Ive been eating like crap for a few weeks - stress, anxiety, you name it. But it really hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday when I had to walk back into my family dynamics - and well, I just couldn't eat enough. It toook me the last 2.5 years to really pin point my issues with my family and food - I usually only resort to really old behaviors around them. But they seriously drive me to the point of wanting to kill someone as well as a whole host of other emotions. So, I am ending up feeling disappointed in myself and the pumpkin pie I ate for breakfast (it was low sugar haha??) but...I think it was something I needed to go through to figure out WHY. I forced myself to stop and really think about the emotions that were driving me to eat.

So now I know. And now I know that - as horrible as it may be - my family is going to have to play a very limited part in the rest of my life. There's no changing them at this point, and I dont think there is enough therapy in the world to ever make me be able to deal with them. 

And, I know that this is temporary. I am going to try my best during my remainining 12 hours at home to get some protein in, and avoid any more crap...I dont expect myself to be perfect right now, but I am going to try. And i know that as soon I as I have my space, and my mental peace back - I'll be okay and desperately looking forward to being back to my normal routine. 

One of the best parts about my journey so far - I had the ability to recognize my family would never be a support network for me so I made the best friends who are supporting me through this.

If you are struggling, dont beat yourself up. Use it as a learning opportunity, and grow from it. There's a reason for everything. Just dont give up. There's always a light at the end of a dark tunnel. 

So proud of you.  That is all.  :)

You are awesome and totally inspiring.  Good luck on your upcoming plastics.

Family dynamics are hard i woke up in the middle of the night thinking about my family relationships, without stuffing food in my mouth to cope the sleeve has helped me face or begin to face how negative relationships can tear you down....Sometimes you gotta take a couple steps away from the people who bring you down to help yourself thrive, value yourself and emotional health...It hurts to do this but if you don't take care of yourself no one else will...good luck you are worth it,.....

Wow - that's a heavy and difficult realization.  But it sounds like it was a really breakthrough for you too.

Sorry your family isn't what they should be... but they are what they are, and I'm glad that you are eyes are wide open to how gravely they impact your health.  I'm so glad that you've built a support network - the "real"  family that you chose - that you can lean on.   I hope you can achieve that right balance in your life between your biological family and you chosen family to keep you mentally and physically healthy.  It'll take practice, I'm sure...  but you'll get it figured out now that you realize you gotta minimize the time with the biologicals.

I'm sure with your upcoming surgery it's really difficult to stay 100% on track.  I think it's amazing that you've had this major realization in the midst of all of this.   Embrace that gift and run with it.  (I know you love to run. ;) 

Amen to all of the above. You can't change others.  You have to find a way to fulfill your needs elsewhere. Once you do that, you actually are less vulnerable to their negativity and one day may be around them without the internal drama.

We've been doing this for a while. It will be 1.5 years on Dec 10th.  The real work has begun....life. We have to deal with stress and anxiety without self-sabotage.  This is it. We are in it my friend.

Ditto. Still working on it too. You are not alone.

Families are funny things.  I have 5 brothers and sisters.  We range in age from 45 to 65.  And when we're all together, we fall back into childhood patterns - someone's the boss, someone's the tease, someone's singing show tunes, etc.  It sticks with you for life.

You're right that your family probably isn't gonna change much.  But YOU can change how you act and re-act around your family.  And if that means limiting contact for awhile, then you do it.  But don't kick them totally to the curb just yet!

I can totally relate. I am proud of you. Take care of yourself.

Alison, you are so very special to me.  You have helped me more than you know.  Your struggles have made you the strong person you are today.  I will be keeping you in my thoughts & prayers constantly my friend.  I love you to death & I am so lucky to know you & call you my friend.

Take care of yourself.  I am here for you.