Hardest thing i've ever done

To make an appointment with a therapist :-/


I've always known I had issues with food and so I've worked on those issues as much as I can by myself - I'm very aware of why/when I eat and my relationship with food, and for a while after surgery, I thought that I had things under control, but honestly, as Ive spent more time learning about eating disorders and disordered eating/thinking - the more I realize I need help. I recently just went through an entire month of bad depression/anxiety I believe stemming from a lot of these issues - I feel better now, but I'm still suffering. I get really tired of thinking about food every minute of every day - and it's getting worse the further out I get and the more desperate I feel to get to my goal. Combined with some obvious body dismorphia - It sucks.

But, I just made an appointment and I almost feel relieved. I have been against therapy from the beginning because I have had so many bad experiences and I do not like to talk about things - ever. Really, I don't.  I have gotten a little bit better about it lately though and so I'm going to give it a shot. I also started reading a little bit more about eating disorders and it's enlightened me - it puts words to the way i feel that I never would have been able to express - so I feel just a little hopeful that maybe there's relief in my future - I know i have a long journey ahead of me, but for now, I am putting my sanity before my goal weight.  My scale is going away, and I am going to give the next month of my life the best shot I have at making good choices independent of the scale.

I guess this was all prompted by booking my ticket and surgery date for plastics in November - I realized I am going to need to find a way to get a grip here so I dont get all this work done and face a real risk of regain in the future.

Now I will just have to find someone to drag me to the appointment and force me to go....:)

You are brave. I pray that your experience will be a good one. I have been thinking about going to overeater's anonymous. But I keep telling myself I don't have a food addiction. Hmmm...does your therapist offer group discount?? LOL. You are a strong, determined woman. You will be okay.Realizing you have a need to seek a therapist is a big step in itself. And also keep in mind that if you don't "click" with that therapist you can look for another. We support you. Let us know how it goes.

Good luck Alison, I really hope you find someone you click with- that's a biggie. This is a huge deal, and you will make it work!

I think my problem might end up being that im just soo resistant to the whole idea that i'll never figure out if I click with some one or not. But...in an attempt to improve my life - I will try to be more open minded. I need therapy to prepare for therapy lol.

I hear you. I am so not a "sharing" person with anyone but my closest, closest friends.. and even they don't get the really deep talks, I save (most) of those for my long-suffering husband, and he knows I'm a nutter some days, but weirdly- he sticks around?

Sometimes it takes going through a slew of pros to find someone you don't just dismiss as soon as you meet them.. I've met my share of fruit-loop therapists that just made me look at them and think "really?? really?" But there have been a couple that were really good.. 

 I have the same issues with therapy.  You are braver than me.  

Hey - I am pretty sure Glendale isn't that far away... I could come and drive ya lol.  
(tho I am not sure, as I am geographically challenged).  lol

I just moved to Lancaster this weekend :(((( It's about 60+ miles from DT LA. Think nothing but desert!!  (or, to make myself feel better, I just think that i live in the dessert).

Hey!  Lancaster!!   My 1973 VW Beetle blew it's engine in Lancaster at 3:00 AM after my friend & I got a wild hair to drive down & visit friends (I was living in Folsom, CA, at the time) == we had $7 in pennies & a Chevron card!!  Oh to be young!!!  I hope you enjoy your new desert living, but mostly I hope you are able to surrender to the process of sharing for your growth.  I've been in counseling for the past year & have a therapist that I respect and like.  I knew I was going toward surgery & I knew it would cause some mental challenges so I wanted to be 'in the process' and comfortable with the 'sharing' part.  I still have a long way to go, but I think you are brave to take this route!  Good Luck!

 Love ya, girl

You're doing the right thing. 

Thanks :)

I know I am - but this is stil hard. But, I know that I made a commitment a couple years ago to be a better healthier me, and I cant ignore my mental health anymore than my physical.