Secret Sleever

I agree, tell who you want to tell when you want to tell them. I have told very few people. I am not ashamed, I just don't feel it's any ones business.  Although I don't think many will ask me anyways, because they have seen me go up and down over the last 14 years. I will answer questions for those that I talk to regularly if I feel like it, but people that don't even say Hi, can kick rocks like the previous poster said. You don't owe anyone any explanations on your medical history or personal business.

I've read this discussion with great interest because I'd like to keep my surgery to myself for awhile at least.  I'm an extrovert so may find it difficult NOT to tell people if they ask.  But at this point I don't feel that way.

This is an intensely physical and emotional decision for all of us, to get this surgery. 

I respect your choice and think you've gotten some great responses, some that I plan to use myself when the time comes.

I work with ********

I if I worked w a different set of people -yes I would tell, but you can't assume everyone works in a la-la I love u co-worker atmosphere. People around here stab each other in the back like mad. I guess when I get my boobies done I'm supposed to share that too huh?

I say thanks for noticing, my gallbladder was removed and I mention that. I also has gastritis and a developing ulcer and I mention that. People don't go beyond that to be honest with you.

No shame in my game- I just don't talk to these folks like that. My friends know though.

I tell them "a lot of hard work" which is all true. If they persist in asking how, I tell them, it's a long list.. how much time do you have? I vaguely say "Support groups, a strict low carb diet, exercise, therapy, slowly building good habits, drinking lots of water and a ton of other things."

Then I trail off and usually their eyes glaze over because what they are really looking for is a quick fix, and they don't ask me again. That works like a charm every time, without mentioning surgery, and all of those are true for me. Saying it was ONLY surgery WOULD be untruthful and misleading because I DO work hard at this and I have to WORK my sleeve.. there is no magic.

I choose not to tell people because I know there are many who don't understand or judge, and also because I don't want to answer a bunch of questions about it. I had already lost a bunch of weight before I started my job so it wasn't an issue there. I prefer to share my personal business with those who I know care about me and I am comfortable with.

Most of these people do NOT need to know.. the information is useless to them as they only need to lose 10-20 pounds or they are thin and just being nosy. In fact I do not tell new people often that I've lost a lot of weight, because I know it's a double edged sword.. they will be impressed with my accomplishment but then probably wonder how I GOT to nearly 400 pounds.

Also I DO have a degree in psychology and am very comfortable with my choice. It can be very psychologically damaging to be judged, cajoled or see lack of support. IMO it's better to share information with those that will only give you positive reinforcement as this journey is hard enough emotionally without dealing with that crap.

Some people are lucky that they never get negative responses, but a lot of people think that WLS surgery is the easy way out, and I work way too DAMN HARD to hear that.. it honestly upsets me, and I'd rather not be upset. I can't tell you how much I have to work on top of my sleeve to get where I am. You probably wouldn't believe it.

 Well said!

Ok I'm late but I am appauled that some of us are so judgmental. I am a private person, so I don't tell people my business and I don't ask people about theirs. I don't think it's a lie, to not reveal your business. I have a friend who is dealing with cancer and when people ask her how she losing weight she does not scream from the roof I have colon cancer. It's not shame, or being in a closet, it's because working through that process is enough with out all the questions or the constant spotlight. I think it's the same with wls, you my at some point later in our journey feel like talking about it. For me I don't want to discuss this with you just like I didn't want to discuss being obese before. This is not easy physically or mentally, so not talking about it is ok, if that's you. So as my teens say "DO YOU"

I say , as I said in mfp, high protein,low carb and low fat...but I'm to above telling someone, I don't wish to discuss my weight and eatting with them.

Oh yeah, I tell people at my job high protein, low carb, low calorie, portion control and exercise. That's not a lie.

I work with complete *****es and I don't want them in my business. Why do I need them in my business? I don't give a **** about their personal lives and I don't ask them **** and they are only asking to be nosey. They aren't asking because they care about my health, they just want to gossip and I refuse to feed their retardedness. If they find out, they find out but I won't offer it up. Now, I will straight up tell some stranger at Wal Mart about my surgery and not give a **** but it's up to me who I tell and who I feel comfortable telling. It's not about lying. If I had herpes, cancer, an ingrown toe nail or I was newly pregnant, it'd still be up to me who I told and whether I was shouting from the roof tops or private about it. People have just as much right to talk about it as they do to be private about it. I don't see anyone screaming out their marital problems from the roof top on the daily... that's because they're private... and a lot of people feel that way about surgery too and not because they are ashamed, just because it's private.

well, I AM a therapist !

My take is that I told almost no one. Why ? A few years prior to this I had an exploratory surgery, I had large tumors on in my ovaries. The doctors thought the worst, as I was 50 years old....and my mom had died from undiagnosed ovarian ca only 5 years before that. I told a couple people at work, before I went out on leave. I was very lucky that my tumors were, for the most part benign, but I did have some postive washings, and was treated with radiation. I came back to having every single person in the building of maybe 400 people know about my abdomen, my radiation, everything; all without me knowing they knew. NEVER AGAIN.

I told my 85 year old dad, my 18 yr old daughter and one dear friend. That was it.

To anyone else, "a medically supervised diet, and exercise." What I weigh, and what I eat, and my medical history is my business, and no one elses. When somone says "oh, my you have lost a ton of weight" I say "thank you for noticing" and compliment them on something. This turns the conversation away from ME and creates a diversion, and that's that.

MY body. MY business. Nuff said. NO psychological meaning, no reason, nothing like that. Just no need to share personal bodily functions.

 i have told family and friends, but not coworkers.  They have been asking a lot lately.  I don't lie, but I also know they make a lot of assumptions when I answer: " It is a combination of things.  Surgery, side effects, diet, and exercise and probably in that order."  The part that they assume is that the surgery is one of the many cancer surgeries.  I am very careful to share that I feel great and the cancer is fully managed and such, but I also do not care to go into details about either the cancer or the WLS at work.  I have a boss that can be difficult because of medical issues, so it is just not worth it.  

I am a HUGE privacy nut.  My business is my business, and this is especially true when my medical issues could be and have been used against me at work. 

 you can always say you are on a very restricted calorie/carb diet.  all true!