Hubby thinks I am taking the easy way out!

My story was exactly the same as yours, but I finally got through to my husband by letting him know how important the surgery was to me, and....how it would benefit him as well. Right now our sex life is almost non-existent because of how I feel about my weight-I actually get really upset with him if he chances to walk in on me when I am dressing....this should all go away when I can look and feel sexy again! I also suffer from back and knee pain that prevents us from doing all the outdoor activities we once shared together-once the weight is gone-he will have his partner back. Do you see the picture here? Write down all the pros/cons of the surgery that will and let him see it in black and white....men are visual (lol), give him the visual. :):) Hope this helps!

I agree with the last 2 posts.  I have this to add:  Your husband promised to be supportive.  I don't think he needs to completely understand or agree with everything you are thinking right now.  He will start to understand when he sees your commitment to this program and all of the work you are putting in, and especially when he sees your results.  So I'm sorry if this sounds rude to MR. Becky, but Becky, this is completely up to you.  Your body, your choice.  His mind will open- or it won't, but you will have done the right thing for you and he will have to respect that.  Good luck Becky.  I have zero regrets about my surgery.  I think you will feel the same way.

My surgery is not until July.  I read the posts on here every single day.    It helps me prepare myself emotionally and mentally.  I am learing of all the struggles I am going to go through like everyone else.  I am doing it because I have lupus, diabetes, high blood pressure, hemolytic anemia, and fibromialgia.  It is harder to live with an illneses that can shorten and worsen your quality of life than to have a surgery that will add years of life to be able to spend with with your loved ones.  What is even harder is him living with out you if your weight would cause you to have a heart attack or stroke or go blind with Diabetes or any other risk there is because of the weight.   

Alot of men do this because they are afraid of what the outcome will be.  I don't know your situation but most younger women who are overweight are self conscience about themselves and have a low standard about themselves.  I believe alot of husbands/boyfriends are fearful of what the results of the surgery will bring.  I know my husband was very supportive from the beginning and he loved me at 308lbs as he does now at 163lbs but there are alot of things I notice that he didn't do before.  Now, he opens doors for me and always wants to hold my hand in public.  He notices when guys look at me and try to come up and talk to me and guess what, it's not one of his favorite things when the other night I got my drink paid for at a bar with him right there, lol.  While your husband says he is supportive I believe that deep down, he wants you to try it the natural way because he knows you won't succeed.  I think he knows the success rate of the surgeries and has probably seen many fantastic results from pictures and I think he is just afraid of what you are going to become.  He is probably afraid that you will lose the weight and then, like most of us, get alot more attention, have alot more confindence and have tons more energy and almost become a new you.  Guess what?  You will become a new you, a better you, a healthier you! Trust me, do what you think is best, don't let anyone, even your husband change your decision.  This is the best thing I have ever done for myself.  It has actually brought my husband and I so much closer because I can do so much more! I wish you and your husband the best!

I am not sure if you are in the same boat as me, but here is what I gladly tell people that look down their nose at me for choosing WLS. 

I have a real and true addiction to food.  I had an abusive childhood, was sexually molested by my own father repeatedly, growing up.  I turned to food for comfort, and I am sure, subconsciensly, to protect myself. 

Even people that don't go through trauma do become addicted to food.  If I were an alcoholic, you could tell me that I need to muster up some good will power and just stay away from alcohol.  If I told you that there was a surgery that could be done, and it cures or dramatically helps a huge number of alcoholics, I think you would be excited for me.........I doubt you would judge me for resorting to surgery to overcome my demons. 

There is no difference between my food addiction and alcoholism.  In many regards it's even harder to "fix" on your own.  If you choose not to drink anymore, you can totally remove yourself from all temptation, and not be around any alcohol.  However, food addicts have no escape from their addictions.  We have to eat to live......do we have to eat simple carbs and fried foods?  No, but we still have to eat and constantly deal with our slavemaster. 

Weight loss surgery is not easy....we still have to face food every day.  We can still eat many simple carbs (especially Bandsters and VSG'rs).  So, every single day, I have to choose to eat the right things, but with the aid of WLS, I can only have a small amount of whatever I choose.  I have to work hard at this and remain vigilant....please remember just how"easy:" it is for an addict to stay straight, and you will know this is never easy. 

thanks for sharing your story

Amen to the advice from Father Don.

I took hubby with me, and the dr. explained how metabolism and obesity all work against those trying to lose weight. Hearing it from a professional in the field was what it took for my hubby to understand better.

Is he willing to go with you?

 Let me guess, He's skinny or Athletic and hasn't struggled a day in his life with weight?

There is NOTHING easy about what any of us are doing.  The popular misconception about fighting obesity is that we are just lazy.  We could lose the weight if we wanted to, if we would just make ourselves eat right and exercise.  That may be true in some cases.  In most cases it is not.

Even when it is true, recovering from obesity, morbid obesity, or super obesity, is not a natural state for the body.  There are tons of biochemical process that fight against us (Leptin, Ghrelin, etc).  Losing weight is not a natural state for the body and it will screw with our heads to try and maintain a stable weight - not a healthy one, but a stable one.  There is a recent study from Australia that shows a high percentage, i forget the exact number but it was well over half, who lost weight through diet and exercise alone regained all of their weight within five years.  The reason being that when they lost, their body acted hormonally to increase their appetites until they regained.

The other popular misconception is the just having the WLS (of any variety) will let you just be normal and you will lose.  I really hate that bull.  By haveing WLS you are comitting to a lifetime change.  Even if you completely ignore your diet and overeat your sleeve, you will forever only be able to eat reduced amounts of food.  You will forever have to take nutritional supplements.  Thats just the nature of having a sleeve.

The hardest work we have to do is to face ourselves and do the mental work and retraining ourselves.  If we are compulsive eaters, what drives our compulsion?  What tools are effective for us to change that behavoir?  If we don't exercise (for whatever reason) how do we get ourselves to a place where we can exercise, enjoy it, and maintain it?  

The truth is that the sleeve is just a tool to help us through the process.  Through removal of the bulk of the stomach we eliminate the production of Ghrelin (one of the mechanisms for increasing apetite).  Its main mechanism is to help us feel full with less food.  That is all the sleeve does.  The real work is done by us in sticking to our diets and exercising. 

I would tell your husband, with as much love and respect as you can,that you are doing this for you and the people you love, so that you can live a healthier and happier life together. Then tell him that he needs to shut the hell up until he knows what he's talking about.  

My husband wants to ask your husband something.

"Do you love your wife? 

If the answer is yes, then support her decision to take care of herself the way she wants to. Your job is to support her not judge her.

Blessings, Sharon (and Sharon's hubby)

Love this! So simply stated, yet so powerful.

Thank you Sharon! (and hubby too!)
Many Blessings to you as well :)