When kids call grownups fat.....

As an elementary teacher I have had to deal with this a few times, but how I handled it differed in different cir****tances.  One litte boy (5 years old) matter-of-factly told me one day that I was "big" because I ate too many sweets, and I figured immediately that he was repeating what he had been told because he was overweight.  I forget exactly what I said, but I do remember that I handled it gently.  

Now another little girl (6 years old) pointed out my "fat arms," and I really trounced on her because I had seen her being mean to others and manipulative in the classroom.  Apparently my reaction startled her because even before I could call home, mom was in apologizing in person (although she made excuses that I thought were pretty lame), and the girl apologized too, at which point I was able to talk to her calmly about how hurtful that kind of statement was. I teach her now, several years later, and it's never been an issue since that time.

Oh yeah, it's different in the classroom! I had 2 kinder kids let me know. "You're big! You're big like this!" As they stretched out their arms and got all excited. My response was that they were "really little." A 3rd grade student with Asperger's told me "You would be really pretty if you lost some pounds." She was actually giving me a compliment though and I thought it was cute. I took it as she thought I was already pretty but I'd be prettier if I was skinny.

Your looking awesome, Congratulations..... I think you nailed it, shes only 3 and its your changes that have taught her the real lesson for her own life (but it will have to be repeated)..... LOL, the speaking out loud part takes some time for them to get over, there will be more teachable moments for that part, to come! 

I feel for you - I have four kids, and while they're good kids, occasionally they've let loose with clueless comments like that.  I guess it''s part of childhood, and other than an apology and talking to the child there's not much more to be done. 

I'll never forget that once one of my children and I were walking to a hospital parking lot when we saw a man who is a little person.  My son asked me why he is so small.  The man stopped, I explained to my son that it is rude to comment about other people's appearance and that he should apologize.  The gentleman was so kind; he shook my son's hand and introduced himself.  He explained in simple terms that he has a genetic disorder.  He then asked my son if he liked it when people point at him and stare at his yarmulke and tzitzis (we are orthodox jews).  When my son said no, then he asked him why.  My son just says that it makes him "feel weird", and the man said that when he's pointed at it makes him "feel weird" too.  He then told my son that he's also Jewish.  It was very cute - my son's face lit up and he gave him a big "Shalom Aleichem" and "have a gut shabbos"!  Point was made, and quite impressively.

Thanks for all of your advice. I guess I had a super sensitive reaction to it, because I feel like ppl still stare at me and think "fat girl"

I am going to talk to both of them (the 3 yr olds) tomorrow and show different colored ppl, different hair, different eyes, different sizes and focus more on how people are all different.

 My son has Asperger's and he asked me last week when I am going to be skinny already. He is 12 years old, but expected the surgery to magically cause me to be skinny. I had to explain to him that his question was hurtful and that it will take time for the weight to come off. Now, he compliments me every day. I think we just have to educate our children, whether they are young, or on the spectrum, it is our job to teach them to be socially well behaved. After all, they are a part of society and want them to fit in!!

Leah

 i think your situation is a bit different than that of kids in the u.s. where obesity is so prevalent.  i work at a day care and have been in early childhood for over 20 years.  children have pointed and laughed at me, (all over age 4) and told me "you're too fat to jump/dance/climb/play " etc... it does hurt and i wonder how they know at age 4 to make fun of someone.  if they are alone with me, they may ask it differently, "why is your belly so big", etc... and to that i respond that people are all made differently, and go about describing friends of their's with brown hair, blond hair, glasses, etc... 

now for your children,  my opinion is you handled it wonderfully.  it sounded like they were truly just curious and needed an answer at that exact moment.  

great job teaching about tolerance and diversity!