8 month progress and thoughts...
I'm learning.. to let go. Let go of the pain that caused me to use food for comfort. Let go of the hurt, let go of the guilt.. let go. Just let go.
I'm learning to show gratitude for my new life. .my rebirth.
I am mindful of what I put into my body, and still allow myself the occasional taste of a treat.
I'm down 107.5 lbs, and feel a million times more blessed to have been given a new lease on life.
My biggest blessing.. biggest AHA moment.. the most thing I'm the most grateful for.. my son and how resilient, compassionate and caring he is. He is my entire world, the reason I had this surgery, to not burden him with my care any longer. When his Dad passed away, my own mortality hit me like a cement truck. Every breath I took, I felt like I was one step away from leaving him without either parent. I had to find a way to stop doing that to myself.. to him.
I was teasing my son, asking him.. what he thought about me dating. He said he thinks his Dad would want me to find a way to love him and let him go from my heart just enough to make room for someone else share my life with. His Dad passed away, will be 4 years in April coming. I said.. well, the other night when I was out with the girls, a young guy wa****ting on me. My son said.. of course he was Mom. You are beautiful, and you looked the prettiest you've ever looked that night. He said.. look at how different you look now! I said.. not that different buddy, but half way there.
He said.. Mom.. know what I miss the most about you losing weight? And I asked him what.. he said... I miss helping you get something you dropped, or putting your socks on for you.. or tying your shoes. You do all of that stuff yourself now, it's like you don't need me anymore. I just hugged him, and told him... that those are the kinds of things he never should have had to do for me, and that I'll always need him.
VSG on 04/05/12