A real life situation that shows WHY some of us are militant..(very long)

(((Hugs)))

I know EXACTLY what you mean.  My slips start well before the food is actually eaten, and my disease is always telling me you deserve it, aren't you're in charge of your own life?  Also, my broken thinking usually tells me food is the answer to every feeling I have.  When I feel deprived when other people are eating ice cream, I usually find I'm just feeling deprived.  Nothing to do with ice cream, and certainly not fixed by it.  At least not for more than a few seconds before the "incomprehensible demoralization" sets in.

Log it and move on.  Getting back on track before more damage is done is the most important thing!  That is the *real* recovery for me, because I can't guarantee I'll never slip.  Anything that keeps us from getting back on plan (guilt, shame, remorse) is not productive!  We don't have to do this perfectly, we just have to do it.

Thanks for this powerful post!!

 I honestly think seeing my first "goal" number on the scale sent me into a bit of a tailspin, and I was trying to stuff the emotions by testing my limits and seeing how close to the edge I could go without falling off. Well I fell off last night, and I am humbled, like I said before it just serves to remind me that I am not CURED, I am still and always will be recovering from my addiction and playing that "how close" game is going to do nothing but get me burned. 

I get this, I really do. 

For me, there is such a fine balance between eating and not, and maintaining it is hard.  I see finding that balance as an end goal equal with losing a certain number of pounds.

I grew up with parents who expected perfection in every aspect of my life.  My sister and I were not seen as individual human beings, but as tools to boost their egos.  I have come to understand that my weight, in some aspects, is my way of saying "fuck you, I'm not perfect and not going to be," to them.  Therefore, if I require absolute perfection from myself, it is more likely to result in binging behavior than if I carefully plan a few controlled splurges. 

Part of my emotional process in healing myself and my head is to recognize that I don't need to be perfect, and that I am good enough right now, regardless of what I eat or don't eat.  I refuse to let myself believe that I will be perfect, or life will be perfect if only I reach that 160 on the scale.  If I do this...  then I will deserve to eat a cookie, isn't something that is conducive to my emotional process. 

One of the "Five Rules" that make up my surgeon's plan is "No Unplanned Eating."  Even though I'm not "militant," I also don't approach eating and treating myself with reckless abandon.  My approach to the holidays was to have controlled treats and to keep my protein up and my calories under my RMR (resting metabolic rate).

For Thanksgiving, I allowed myself to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner and leftovers from Thursday to Sunday and then it all went in the trash and I got back to my normal eating.  For Christmas, I allowed myself to eat cookies and treats for two days before and then over the weekend, but it all went in the trash on Monday.  I will allow myself to enjoy some champagne, chips and dip, and a dessert on New Years Eve, but then back to normal the next day. 

I allow my sleeve to keep me in check volume-wise, and it does that nicely.  I heed my own guidelines and when it's time to stop and move back to a more restrictive plan, I do.  Did it take white-knuckle willpower to avoid all those "last chance goodies" at work yesterday?  Yep.  But my splurge days were done and it would have been unplanned eating, so I didn't indulge.  I don't engage in "unplanned eating."  Treats have to be planned in a logical fashion prior to the point I make the decision about cookie vs. no cookie.

I do understand that there are people who can't do this.  I don't judge them.  I'm glad you have your sleeve and that it kept you from a full-blown half-a-pizza-and-then-some-binge.  We all have our own struggles along the way, and I'm really happy to share this journey with you. 

 I am 100% behind people finding their own way, what works for me won't work for someone else even if they have the SAME EXACT issues as I have. I think people need to remember that when we post we are posting from our PERSONAL place and to take the advice with a grain of salt if they want to. You take the knowledge you can use in your current situation and store or delete the rest as you see fit, taking it personally will only serve to either keep you from learning something new or seeing another point of view!

There are people on this board that I disagree with wholeheartedly, but I still read what they say and weigh it out and decide if there is anything I can take away from it. The whole "black or white" thing isn't really for me, but I can see that many who are that way are only coming from a place of caring and support, even if it comes across a little harsh so it does not bother me. 

You are doing fantastic, you have your head in the right place and you are such a great support to others! 

We all need to takle our food addictions and be upfront about how we're feeling. If you feel like that food is a trigger and it appears in your house then politly tell them take what you want and give or throw the rest away. I've done this a few times and most of the time they understand.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.  Like you, I must also be militant about what I put in my mouth.  I must always log everything (cuz that helps me to forego the bad choices if I know I have to log it) and I know about that whole "rationalization" bull**** my head does.  I really wi**** wasn't that way - but it is what it is - so I put my big girl panties on and deal with it...I'm glad you see this in yourself so that you can deal with it.  As you said, I see myself in some posts (like this one) and hope that this open communication helps others.

You have a great day too!

Deb

HA, I think I was wearing my big girl panties on my head last night, I was so turned around and backwards. I have had a handle on this thing for so long that I was sure I was "cured", but it sneaks back and bites you when you least expect it, reminding me that I am and always will be recovering! 

Excellent post.  Thank you so much for your honesty and openness.

And it perfectly illustrates why I am so "militant," and my family members don't understand why I can't have *just one cookie.*   I simply can't/don't.  It will lead to a slippery slope for me.

Maybe I'll be able to be more lax in maintenance, but there's no room for that in my journey to goal.

Again, thank you.  Your post touched me.

 Thank YOU for your support, it's always nice to know I am not floating around here on my own and that I am not crazy (well, not totally crazy :) 

This is actually good. You are VERY self aware. Which, no matter how you eat, I think is the single most important part of any healing you can do.

Like I always say... know yourself.

I have had conversation with my husband so he knows to tell me when I'm getting out of control. It's hard for him. Telling someone you're screwing up with what you're eating is hard. But I need that. Luckily, he's only had to ask once - and it was a planned thing so we talked about it and he was like "okay, that's kinda cool that you know what you're doing."

NOT to say I've not screwed up. Let's not talk about the pumpkin pie filling. NOT in a good place that night. LOL