Sad and Confused

I was to have my revision surgery tomorrow, but after thought and talks with my mom, I cancelled the surgery. My parents were scared and stressed and I did not want to cause them any heart ache. 

My parents and my son are my world and I need to be healthy for them, and they went through the lap-band surgery with me the first time. They know I need to do it, but surgery is scary.

Now I wonder if I should try Medifast or Nutrisystem? I do not have good follow thru, nor do I have good will power, so I am not sure about doing these programs. I really have a problem loosing weight and after "sacrificing" and not losing, I give up.  AND I was so good with the lap-band and no weightloss. I was committed and it did not work for me.

This was a financed surgery and it will continue to be until October 2012 (when my insurance would pay). I am SO SCARED that my weight will be out of control by then.

Help. Thoughts? Thank you.

Sorry you're feeling so conflicted, but if you're wiling to let other people make your decisions for you then maybe surgery isn't for you. I'm not trying to be harsh (honestly!) but surgery, as you know, is a big decision and if you're not going into it confidently then chances are you don't have the firm foundation in place (yet?) to make it work for you.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Hi Michele,

I dont have any good advice for you. just some empathy and lots of hugs. i am sorry that you cancelled your surgery. I was having some serious cold feet for the last week and nearly cancelled my surgery too. My parents, grandparents and friends all went through the stage where they were questioning whether i needed to do something so drastic and whether it would be safe or not. I am a single parent of a small child so i too have had worries about leaving him behind which led to many sleepless, tearful nights. Now, everyone is very supportive and doing everything they can to help me.

Maybe it will be better to do nutrisystem or medifast or weigh****chers until October. Stick with your surgeon and get help from the insurance coordinator to make sure you have everything ready to submit to insurance (any tests that are required for approval) that way you will consistantly be working towards your goal of being healthy but in October you can get right in for surgery and have it paid for by insurance rather than being financed.

I wish you luck!!! :) lots of love

Hi Michelle, I am in a similar position. Not sure what to do. My surgery isn't scheduled yet but I am not 100% committed to getting the sleeve yet. I have a small daughter and I am scared to go through surgery again and the recovery.

The thing is, in order to be successful at the sleeve, you're going to have to have some will power. And follow through. You'll need to be pretty strict with your diet and eat low carb forever, in small portions.   If you don't think you can do that then I wouldnt' go through with the surgery, personally. Or you'll lose weight and then gain it all back again and then revising to RNY or DS in a few years.

People might advise you to go with one of the malabsorptive procedures to help if you have trouble watching what you eat (DS probably sounds best) but personally I would never have a malabsorptive one so I wouldn't suggest one either.  I'm not a basher or a hater I just don't want it for myself.

Also, man if you could get insurance to pay in 10 months I'd wait, this crap costs a lot of money!  It would be good practice for you to begin the lifestyle change over the next several months and focus on maintaining your weight, maybe try to understand what causes you to go out of control (therapy maybe?) and see if you can get a handle on things before jumping into surgery.

I dont' know if this is helpful at all but I hope maybe it is a little...

Deep breath,  Relax and let yourself get to the place you need to be and then with great thought make the decision that is best for you!  Dont do it for anyone else.... Do it because its whats right and best for you.

I just had my surgery 2 weeks ago and I was scared and nervous as well as my parents.  My mother is a nurse and has had a patient of hers die of complications from gastric bypass so she was not my strongest supporter in the beginning.  Then she did some research on the sleeve and met and spoke with my doctor.  After this she was onboard 100%.  I did this because my joints were falling apart from the extra weight and after years of dieting including medifast and Jenny craig I no longer had the will power to try another diet.  That said if you can try one of these until your insurance will cover the cost for you I would go that avenue.  Save the money for any plastic surgery you will need after you have lost all your weight and have a new life.

You need to be healthy for YOU and then you can be healthy for the loved ones in your life. They know you need the revision. Yes, surgery is scary. I am terrified most days. I was a mess just doing the endoscopy. But how is cancelling a life saving surgery going to achieve your goal of being healthy? I don't know about Medifast or Nutrisystem but popular wisdom and experience in real life and on this board would suggest that none of that works long term. I know reassuring your family is important for your peace of mind. Have you asked your surgeon if he/she would speak to your folks and walk them through the procedure - maybe that would soothe their fears a bit? Good that you have time before you with the insurance. Good luck!!! Think of you and of the longer term...

Sounds like you could use some help to decide your priorities and goals so you can stop worrying about what you don't have control over, and working on what you do.

My mother was worried about my surgery too, but in the 10 months since, she keeps talking about about how much healthier I am, and how happy she is that I have a shot at a longer life.    I now expect to live long enough to be Grandma to my son's children someday.  That would not have been likely 10 months ago. 

Only you can really know what's right for you, and I hear in your story that you are unsure of what that is or where to begin.    Perhaps some time with a counselor or therapist would be a good idea, someone that won't tell you what to do or make decisions for you, but to help you discern what you really want in your life and encourage you to grow into your own, best, self.

Peace, knowledge and empowerment to you in the coming year!  Blessings.

hello-i know exactly how you feel. while i was researching and deciding and doing all the prep for the surgery i told no one. i was nervous but wanted to make the decision on my own without any negativity from others. somewhere around 3/4of the way through i decided to do it for sure. fter i met with the surgeon i told my boss and coworkers and kids (my husband knew) i waited to tell my mom and dad at about 10 days before the surgery. she took it pretty well actually.  as part of the process i had to have a psych eval (i think everyone does?)anyway, i followed up with one more visit with the counselor because i had so much guilt and anxiety over the surgery. she told me much of that was due to the surgery being elective and totally preventable and that is why ppl have so many thought of fear, cheating kids and friends out of you.  you will be safe.the surgeons have experience in what they are doing. i am one week out and was very happy with my procedure and after care so far.  good luck to you!

 Hi,

Dr Aceves did my revision from band to sleeve and I was so nervous and really, really upset and was having second thoughts.

Totally understand your cancelling due to being scared but in my case it was the BEST thing I could ever have done.  

The hospital, Drs, nurses and staff were amazing.

Good Luck and Happy New Year...