Family & Friends

I'm having surgery Dec. 15th.  I just told my best friend of 20+ yrs. about my upcoming WLS surgery She is not supportive at all. She feels that I should be able to cut calories, exercise & lose the weight on my own. She has asked me for yrs. if I eat right & I told her for yrs. I do. Now she is saying I was not forthcoming with her about my eating habits. I tried to explain that I eat pretty healthy BUT I do overeat at times. I also explained being insulin resistant & having high cortisol at times has made it very difficult to lose weight & keep it off. She told me she's not buying it. I either eat bad or have an endocrine issue, it's one or the other. This is only part of our conversation! I felt drilled & judged. I truly understand her worries, I'm worried too! but an hour long phone call drilling me about this choice is a little too much for me to handle right now. I have gone to 4 seminars about WLS I have researched the **** out of it, I have taken the damn high cortisol into consideration when I made this WLS choice but why should I have to defend myself!? it's my choice! I feel like I'm damned if I do I'm damned if I don't!  This conversation has turned me off to telling anyone else about my upcoming surgery! The only people I have told is my parents. Any advice would be great.  Did you guys tell your friends & family before your WLS? 

I am not sleeved yet but I'm not telling a soul. My husband will be the only one who knows. And I know my BFF would be supportive but I'm ashamed I couldn't do it "on my own" so I just don't want anyone to know. If I told her and my BFF responded in that way, however, I don't think they'd be my BFF anymore. Friends are supposed to be supportive and non-judgemental (even if they are thinking it doesn't mean they need to say it). I'd give one chance for an apology and if one was not given, I'd be saying goodbye.

Wow! That must have been an excrutiating conversation. Not just because she disagrees with your choice to have the surgery - but because she is so totally accusing and judgemental. When I have told others I've had a mixed reaction - but even those who think I am making a mistake have given their whole hearted support to me and expressed understanding that only me and my doctor (and my hubby/close family) can truly know what is best for me. I've been very blunt with folks that they do not have to AGREE with my choice - but that I EXPECT them to support ME as I work to do what is needed for my health. Not sure if your freind knew in advance that you were considering this - or if it was a total surprise to her. If it was a surprise then perhaps she needs time to adjust and feedback from you on what you need/expect from her. Losing friends or having relationships end due to a personal change to improve your life is something I have experienced in the past and know first hand it is not easy. I encourage you to think about this friendship and it's value - if it is important to you - then give her another chance and educate her a bit on how and why you've come to this decision and that while you respect her opinion - you expect her to respect your decision.
I hope it all works out for you!

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.  Sounds like your friend may have her own issues or just doesn't understand what it's like to be fat and feel powerless to change things.

I haven't told a soul besides my medical team and my hubby.  Not even my mom, sister or BFF knows.  I'm sure some of them may suspect it by now, but it was my decision and mine only.  I feel very blessed to have an understanding hubby and he's been my rock.  I also use OH and my local support group and my therapist as my support.

I simply did not feel that any one else's opinion, good or bad, mattered once I chose to get this surgery.  I'm a very independent person by nature and rather private, so that solidifed my decision to keep it private.  I mean, I don't share my high blood pressure with others, so why this?

Anyhow, I'm sure 99% of my family, friends and coworkers would be supportive, but again, I feel it's my own private business.  All they need to be concerned with is my health and happiness.  Both of which I feel very good about. 

Best of luck!

Thank you for the fast replies! :)  I really value my friendship with this friend & I pray she will understand in the long run why I'm doing this.
This was a surprise to her. I knew she would not support me so I decided to keep this decision to myself, unfortunately I'm  horrible at keeping my emotions in check, so when she kept asking me what was on my mind, I could no longer keep it a secret, I broke down and told here which lead to that awful phone call.
She did leave me a voice mail apologizing, she said she was sorry about backing me into a corner & will never talk to me about WLS again!   

She did leave me a voice mail apologizing, she said she was sorry about backing me into a corner & will never talk to me about WLS again!   

sounds like an apology with a big fat BUT in it.
WLS will be a big part of your life for the first 6-12 months - so for her to never talk about it, because of her issues is really unfair.    does she have a weight problem?

the best you can do is surround yourself with those who are positive & supportive.   

I tell most people who will know anyway because they are in my immediate close circle. Some are very pisitive, some are worried and scared (like me!) and say things to that effect, some say nothing (to my face) and some say "you don't need it! You look great!)... Yeah, right...5" and 200 lbs! Sure! I look great! One, whose BMI is 33 said she wished she could qualify and she might self pay if I survive mine! LOL!!!! My children are totally gung ho, husband is terrified but supportive and I am not telling my parents. I think everyone has different experiences and reactions. Good luck! Hope your friend comes around! Glad she apologised.

I didn't tell anyone besides my gf about the surgery until the weekend before (surgery was on a Monday).  Great decision on my part, if I do say so myself.  I am not super open about it, but my friends and family know.  When it's too late to change your mind, I find people are more accepting.

Sounds like you know your friend and she was probably upset cause she felt like you weren't upfront with her for a long time, then this surprise...her reaction was still...whoa...but she did call and apologize, which is great.

I told  my mom, sisters, close cousins, three friends, and my godmother.  I know my family, so eventually the word spread through the grapevine anyhow, which I was fine with.  Other folks, not really.  Everyone's gonna have an opinion, but if you are already nervous and a little scared, (like I was), take your time.  They dont have to be OK with it, only you do.

Thank you for all the awesome replies! :)

An above poster asked if my friend is overweight, she is not. we have been friends since high school neither one of us had weight issues and then 6yrs ago after the birth of my son I began to blow up like a balloon! She never could relate. I struggled for six yrs. trying to get this weight off! I'm tired of it! I'm ready for a new & healthy future!