Ready to not be the "ugly best friend"...

My friends at times in the past have called me anti-social, lazy, homebody, hermit, all because I tend to avoid going out on the town…and I’m really not. I’m just tired of being the “ugly best friend"…the “blocker"…the fifth wheel. They have no idea because most of them have never struggled with weight or confidence in the way I have…they go crazy if they feel they need to lose 20 pounds…hey, try 100 pounds!!! I was invited out tonight to a meet & greet before an event and I have to inflate myself with confidence I don’t feel right now, and it just hit me how much I look forward to really feeling more confident about myself, and not being the one sitting at the table nursing a drink while they get asked to dance and get flirted with. I know I’m not ugly, but I know I don’t like myself at this weight and can totally see why no one else would. Glad you guys are here to share this with…never been able to talk to my skinny friends about it and I think some of guys maybe can relate.

Very well said! Looking forward to hearing more from you. I'm so glad I discovered the sleeve - its one of the best things I ever did.

Thanks Pat, looking forward to saying that myself 6 months from now!!

My two best friends a lean with curves and look like movie stars and it's hard to go out with them especially knowing that guys always think of me as the DUFF. DUFF= Designted Ugly Fat Friend

It's sad because I once had  stranger in a crowded nightclub ask me verbatim "Why do you guys always have the prettiest faces and the worst bodies?" I think I was 21 years old and that crushed me. I still didn't have enough courage to get my weight under control. It's been sad but now with my tool and the gumption I needed years ago I am going to take the world by storm. I will be fit, sexy, and proud to be a new person on the outside.

OMG...what kind of jackass says something like that!!! That would have crushed me too!! I can't believe that...had I been with you and heard that we could have stomped him together!!! 
I can't wait for my "How you like them apples" moment, especially with those guys I spent time with, who then proceeded to ask me if my friend was dating anyone...AAAARRRGGH...the worst!!!
You are totally going to take the world by storm and I'm right behind you!! 

Wow girl.  So much to be going through.  I totally get what you've faced, but have been blessed with enough of an attitude to get out there and have fun whether guys notice or care or not.   If we wait for Prince Charming to invite us, we'll miss the dance.  

When younger, I admit that I tried to find things to do that were fun for me without having to rely on someone asking me to dance or stuff.  I would get the girls out bowling, or shooting pool, playing cards, listening to music, or whatever.  If guys showed up and flirted with my friends, it's OK because we were all doing something together that doesn't require pairing up.  If guys didn't show, it's still OK. 

Not that it was always easy or worked out fine, but taking responsibility for my own fun got me out of the house and helped me develop my sense of self.   At 52 years of age, I can now say that I'm important enough to deserve to have a good time.  I also know where to go and who to invite to enjoy it with. 

My volunteer groups give me great opportunities to share my gifts with others, and a wide number of people, married, single, women and men to work and have some fun with.  I found groups through church, Habitat for Humanity, ecology groups like Sierra Club or the National Audubon Society, and the Humane Society.   I've worked fundraisers for AIDS, MS, Diabetes, Cancer and Heart Disease groups.  Whatever your interest or passions--go for it.  You will find other's that care about the same things and it's a way for your best characteristics to grow and shine through.

Bottom line, you are in charge of your life, and I have faith that you can find your way to get out, get busy and find fun.   Hope this helps.

Thanks MN Mama!! I do go out, just not often.  If I really want to do something, I just have to boost my confidence up...you know what they say...fake it till you make it!!!  I still enjoy my life, I enjoy being with friends, but I just look forward to a time when I won't need to do that.  I'm not a hermit by any means...I just don't like being put in situations where I will be looked as a "DUFF" as VegasLABound called it!! Also, a lot of time spent with my friends is going out and eating or staying in and snacking...so that's another thing I'm going to have to change...

I personally have lost many friendships because I too am a "homebody".   At the time I thought I just enjoyed their company when I would go out but now that I've lost nearly 65# I'm not so much the "homebody" anymore, I do go out and have fun with my husband.  But Its a different kind of going out...it doesn't include going to the bar and getting loaded.  It's now going to the mall and walking around, going to the movies, going out to lunch or dinner (which is more cost effective for us since we share a plate lol)  I think in the last 3 months we have gone to the bar once (for karaoke) and it was nice being the sober ones haha

I think perspective changes a lot after surgery, and once the weight starts coming off the old confidence that was once shoved so far deep inside it starts bursting through.

Best of luck to you on your journey,

~Amanda

Wow, am I all too familiar with those terms "anti-social, boring & HOMEBODY". So you go out hoping things will be ok and the entire time your uncomfortable and can't wait to leave while they are having a ball. You even see the plus size women in the club who are having a ball and being asked to dance. That just makes you feel like your crazy because your trying to analyze what are they doing that your not, they are bigger than you and seem to be having a blast! It's about being confident and comfortable with yourself and at this weight I'm not. So I'm looking forward to my vertical sleeve and new confidence! Pretty soon we'll be posting how much weight we are loosing and how much better we are feeling!

Yes, that is exactly what I'm talking about.  Some people just have that confidence...and I've even been guilty of thinking "she looks crazy out there", or "That outfit doesn't look good on her"...but guess what...she's having a great time and I'm not!!!  Soooo over feeling like that...

You're right, that will be us someday, we can start working on that now because we have taken a huge step to change our lives!