Trying to adjust..to no longer being invisable...

I was just having a conversation with three women this weekend about women and their self esteem.  No matter what size you are, what flaws you have, or how others see you... women are EXTREMELY hard on themselves.  I have never heard any woman say that they are perfectly happy with their body.  I've seen women whose body I would DIE for complain about one speck of cellulite or that their hair is too curly or that they don't like their freckles.  There is always something wrong with each of us, in our own minds. 

That being said, through someone else's view, we are totally different people.  I think that when someone loves you, they love you imperfections and all.  When you find the right person, none of these concerns will matter.  He will adore you and be happy that you are healthy enough to spend years with him.  And you will be happy that you don't have to worry about comorbidities cutting your time together short. 

Best of luck to you... and I say enjoy the attention and let it help build your confidence!

It really takes time to know someone enough to know if they like you for you or for your outside physical appearance.  If you meet someone get to know them and let them get to know you before this physical stuff. If he likes you for you, he wont give a crap about scars or whatever. And If he only cares about that stuff he is an asshole and you dont need him anyway. But getting to know someone and letting them know your life and struggles, learn their struggles, make a real connection then all the things you dont like about yourself won't matter, he wont care anyway. Nobody is perfect, nobody. If we only want perfection we better live in a fantasy world. Something real is the best thing on earth.  You are beautiful, no matter what, no matter scars, skin, pimples, thin hair, body hair, etc...  What makes you beautiful is the loving, caring and kind person you are inside. The outside is just frosting really... Just my opinion...

I am also quite a bit older than you; but also single (divorced a few years now). I understand the "not being invisable" thing in a way I did not expect to -- not at my age. I mostly just laugh it off, especially when it is from men that I knew "before" losing 119 pounds.... my teenage daughter thinks it's hysterical that men look at me now. People in general pay more attention to me now, it's an odd thing....a very odd thing indeed.

You are over thinking a bit.  Relationships and Food for us have a lot in common
before surgery Quantity was more important food wise and what ever came by and stayed a while was what we settled for in a relationship.
Now you eat a little of the best food you can get.  Do the same in relationships take little bites of the best people you meet until you fine that one perfect person who completes you and makes you realize that together you are more and better than each of you apart and then you will be able to eat "quality" for the rest of your life.
a little smarmy but true I think.

Girl, you are already better off than me. I am the first to say that no one EVER flirts with me or gives me a second look.. and others are quick to tell me I am f*cking oblivious. Apparently I am so convinced that I am not attractive that I 100% tune out people's attention, lol.. Since I am married, that is not necessarily a bad thing, but I just want to toss it out there.. You are gonna be fine. You are young- take the time you need to sort it all out and the love will work itself out in due time. You are beautiful, and you are coming to know it slowly. As for the scars.. most men will barely even notice them, and in the heat of the moment will def not care. Anyone who judges you negatively for where you came from does not deserve you anyway, so they would be doing you a favor by letting you know. You are gonna be fine girlie.. fabulous even..

BTW, I am gonna be in town Wens evening until Sun afternoon- we should meet at some point! How is your healing? are you driving yet?

Fawn- i should be around weds night and sat night and sunday morning if you have time to get together, going to my dads in harrisburg in between.

is your phone working? text me if you can

hugs!

I have a loaner phone from my daughter, lol.. so it works but its crap- and I have no numbers! I will look up your number in my old OH messages, and will text ya when I get to the city.

I could of wrote this!! I am going through the exact same thing!!!

 I totally understand how you feel. I was talking to my friend the other night telling her how it's so weird that now I feel like I have the choice when I go out to meet someone and I'm not just settling for whatever guy shows intrest. I have the confidence to say OH he looks nice and feel like I am good looking enough to approach him and actually have a chance.

I also struggle with "How do I tell" someone about the surgery etc. People in my support group said Why even say anything they don't need to know- but I struggle with that. If I am dating someone who was a gambler or a alcoholic I would want to know.I was a food addict and severely overweight- I'm not that person anymore-but I was and like any addict we all hope to never return there.

I have been intimate since loosing the weight- and the lights are def OFF- not the scars that bother me but my loose skin and deflated boobies. No complaints or questions but I don't know what's going to happen when they come.Funny when we were so overweight we carried our "Scars" on the outside and now we are hiding our scars underneath- I don't know what's worse.

If you ever want to talk please message me-I feel like we are going through the same exact thing right now.

Dealing with who we really are is always hard, in our situation we have the opportunity to learn more about who we are with the weight loss because we get to share experiences that we once deamed impossible. Becoming visible is good, and dont be afraid because if you never allow any one to become close, then you will never know if someone can truly appreciate the real you which is who you are today.

Getting noticed/drawing attention to myself is something I really dread. I'd like to be able to lose the weight without anybody noticing. And I certainly don't want anybody other than my husband to find me attractive. That would freak me right the eff out.