Lemme just say this......

Under confident...... you can work up to and it is VERY attractive........

Over confident....... is not very attractive and hard to bring down.......

I think your at a good place.....just find somebody who will let you grow and you both can grow together......

frisco (the sensitive man)

This is kind of a musing so here goes..

My life has changed very much this last year. As my body has transformed, my brain hasnt totally caught up.

One of the biggest adjustments has been trying to handle no longer being INVISABLE. I went from no attention to more attention than I can handle. Constant. Yes, I mean from men (and women too sometimes!). Its quite trippy.

I'm to the point where I want to choose. I don't want to just go for who picks me. If I am interested in someone I want to be the one who chooses. I have a say. I know what I want physically, mentally, everything...But I still don't have my confidence. I question myself...I wonder if I am good looking enough and all the other BS that comes with that.

Then there is the whole deal of wondering how the heck Im going to explain all this to someone else. How do I explain my stomach, my scars, everything. Will I be judged? Will someone want to be with me in spite of these things?

I sometimes feel like a fake, like the package I project is hiding all the flaws underneath.
All of these things keep me from getting close to anyone.

I wish I could just accept how kick ass I really am. Part of me knows it. Part of me knows Im an awesome catch...but then my confidence falters and I question myself..I hate it.

Okay, let's pretend I said all of this. What would you say to me, because I've read enough of your posts to know that you'd say something and I mean that in a good way. :-)

LOL. You sound like my therapist!  She is always reminding me if a good friend were feeling or going through the same things as I am that I would tell that friend something encouraging, and wouldnt be as hard on them as I am myself.

This is definitely something I am working on, not being so hard on myself and being kinder and more gentle and more understanding to myself and my feelngs. Can't believe I have to re-learn it..but I do.

I think the key is to first realize that you were a catch before surgery. If guys didn't see it before surgery, well that was their own blindness, not yours. Don't take other people's problems and mental limiations and make them your problems.

The fact that you didn't love/like yourself, or you were too hard on yourself obviously didn't change with surgery and weight loss. The fact that you didn't think you were deserving didn't change after WLS/weight loss.The thing is, those are other people thoughts and judgements that you are allowing to affect you. It's your choice to believe those things or not about yourself.

You can just let it go. Really. Stop laughing. I'm serious. Let this **** go. Fill your thoughts with other things, like vet school in the Carribean (or however that is all working.)

There are lots of good men out there. When the right time and the right man squoosh together, you'll have yourself a keeper. In the meantime, start writing down the qualities you want in a partner. Then the harder part, start eminating those qualities.

I have a feeling you can figure out an asshole from a good guy in about 30 seconds. Don't waste your time on the ********

You only deserve a good guy if you DECIDE to deserve him. If you settle for a jerk then that's all you deserve.

Sounds like I've been through this? Yup. That's the lecture I got from my Mom. I have an awesome husband now, but only after dating my fair share of ********

My mom used to say - There are many people in life that will catch your eye - but only a few will catch your heart - pursue those! Be with someone who knows what they have when they have YOU!

You are amazing, bright and beautiful - the only thing that can hold you back now is you - Let go! Life sometimes is funny and when you are not looking amazing things come into your life. You have such a bright future ahead of you. Any man that loves you will love you inside and out. Those scars are part of the landscape of you - its part of your journey in life - and you have SO MUCH MORE AHEAD for you.

I have always enjoyed reading your posts and living a bit vicariously through your journey - being quite a bit older than you (just celebrated 49th b-day) and the mother of 5 - I read your posts from a mothers eyes. I am so proud that you have had such success - getting into school, reaching your weightloss goal and now your plastics. Oh I wish I had taken such control when I was your age. - You really are kick ass!

thank you for reminding me of things i sometimes forget..

somewhere in my head i know i have amazing things in store, that there are great things waiting for me if i am ready to accept them and go after them..there is no rush..this life of mine is a journey, not a race.

hugs to you and i cannot wait to see your progress after your plastics in spring.

There is a difference in being Proud and having Pride. Pride is self centered arrogance which you show no signs of in anything I have ever read from your posts or comments.

But you have plenty to be proud of, you saw something in yourself you didn't like and you changed it, you ignored the criticism of others as you went through this process and you came out a winner. When you reached your goal your attitude changed so tremendously that your Dad, stepped in with Pride in his daughter and made sure your journey was completed by financing your plastics.

I am a 47 year old man I have three sons, and I would do anything for them I could to help with their self esteem and intestinal fortitude.

What I am ultimately saying is stand proud, and the right man will find you and there will never be anything to explain.

Enjoy you deserve it,
Charles

I asked one of my best bud guys about this topic soon after surgery when I spent some time looking at my scars in the mirror.  He said that very few good guys would be put off by my scars and the ones who were put off would never be man enough for me.  You have so much going for you that you should choose the best and the best will be happy to be with you.  You are doing great things with your live don't let some scars that will fade in time get in your way.  The right guy will love you for you.  Have you ever met an athlete that wasn't proud of his scars?  You've done battle with a monster and survived.  We should all be proud of what we've been through to get to where we are.  Just be yourself and you'll shine!

Love, love, love the comment "you've done battle with a monster and survived!"  So true and so well put!

Treat yourself with respect, and you'll attract people who will treat you respectfully.  This is the advise I give all young women -- particularly when I'm doing volunteer work, mentoring, etc.

Your scars will be the least of anyones worries.