Trying to adjust..to no longer being invisable...

This is kind of a musing so here goes..

My life has changed very much this last year. As my body has transformed, my brain hasnt totally caught up.

One of the biggest adjustments has been trying to handle no longer being INVISABLE. I went from no attention to more attention than I can handle. Constant. Yes, I mean from men (and women too sometimes!). Its quite trippy.

I'm to the point where I want to choose. I don't want to just go for who picks me. If I am interested in someone I want to be the one who chooses. I have a say. I know what I want physically, mentally, everything...But I still don't have my confidence. I question myself...I wonder if I am good looking enough and all the other BS that comes with that.

Then there is the whole deal of wondering how the heck Im going to explain all this to someone else. How do I explain my stomach, my scars, everything. Will I be judged? Will someone want to be with me in spite of these things?

I sometimes feel like a fake, like the package I project is hiding all the flaws underneath.
All of these things keep me from getting close to anyone.

I wish I could just accept how kick ass I really am. Part of me knows it. Part of me knows Im an awesome catch...but then my confidence falters and I question myself..I hate it.

Isn't it strange how our minds can override reality. I still look in the mirror and see the big chick. And I really freaked out when people started noticing me - people wanted to be my friend all of a sudden (I don't think so. You don't see me fat, I don't want to hang out with you thin). But it is important to remember that even the fittest person on earth has flaws, so the people we should want to be with should be just fine with all the flaws that come with us.

For me, I have found that I am much more comfortable in my own skin, have more confidence, and no longer really care about meeting someone. I used to get bummed because I was still single, but now I am really enjoying it and I'm not as willing to let it go. Never saw that one coming.

It's even more complicated than that because some people are just friendly and don't mean anything more than that.  Good luck figuring out the difference between friendly and amorous.  If you find the answer, let me know.  I have always assumed people were just friendly until I later discovered some of them wanted more than that.  I felt stupid and disappointed more than once because I am ONLY interested in friendship.  I have a way of assuming their intentions would mirror mine.  So much to learn.

I lost 100lbs years ago and kept it off for more than a decade.  When i lost it i has PS, lots of it.  tt bl thigh lift.  I was single.  i also wondered how i was going to explain the "scars".  do you know i never did once?  I did have one boyfriend who wanted the lights on but before weight gain at 115 lbs i was never such a fan of the light so it was no. But i do have to say there was a lot of outdoor sex, in the daytime too,, but mostly clothed.  maybe TMI, but i guess that is to say it didn't make me inhibited. To this day i never had a man ask me about the scars.  I was naked and gonna have sex with them, that was enough.  As for attention i just enjoyed it or did not.  i did not see all attention as flattering but i was fine with turning it away.  I have to say this is probably just me i was like this at 225 also. i never felt one way or the other with or without weight.  i was the only one in my family at that time with a weight problem and all my friends were beautiful and slim and they still got entangled and broken by ********  

I think when we lose we expect everyone to see us with the eyes we see ourselves with.  People who've come so far and achieved so much but to those who have just met us we are just the person they met.

As far as choosing someone, it's as hard at 115 as it is at 225.  I'm not one who was ever attracted to a lot of men but when i am i am.  I don't like dating particularly but when someone comes along who moves me I'm front and center. I've just gone on too many dates that i knew i was not going to be interested in.

Maybe you just haven't met anyone who makes you want to get motivated.  You've had a lot of big changes very quickly.  Relationships are kinda like slow weight loss they happen on their own schedule. I'm sure your down time has you contemplating every aspect of life plus your belly button. 

Thanks for posting the reality of this.

If you don't mind me asking, how hard were the recoveries for your plastic surgeries? I know I will have to have some but that terrifies me (I'm still early out so I have some time). What gave you the courage to proceed instead of just dealing w/the extra skin?

I hope I'm not being too personal but I just want to prepare myself for what's coming down the road. PS after was always a fear of mine.

I know how you feel.  I'm constantly aware of the women who are undressing me in their minds.

Just one of the unwanted side effects of WLS.

LOL phred, Im getting hot under the collar just reading this post! wink!

Sassy, you are beautiful! If I were a guy and just found out what your scars are all about I would think to myself "This girl will not let anything stand in her way of a successful and healthy life and that is attractive in itself." A guy loves a confident woman who knows what she wants. You are that woman. You are 'Sassy'. Congrats on all your success. You look great and are an inspiration to all of us.

thank you for your kind words..it means alot to me.

Keep your standards high and reach for the stars.
Choose the guy who loves you the most .
take that sleeve and run with it....go for yours . Thats whats up!