I'm an addict and I hate it...

Like many of you whove read my posts know.  I regained 25lbs and have been desperately (or not really) trying to get it off since the first of the year.  I AM happy to report it's down about 3 lbs, but we're talking 11 MONTHS here.

Anyway I've been BACK on the wagon since I believe Tuesday.  I've decided some hard truths to end the rest of the year and hopefully, prayerfully and with strength I can get to where I was.

Some truths I'll share.  I track my weight at the end of every year I weigh myself.  Just to keep it in check.  My goal weight USED to be 200 and I maintained that weight within about 10lbs.  My range was 195 to 205.  Then I changed it  to 180 (this is ironically when I started eating out of control and gained from 195 to 216.  Anyway I looked the other day to see what my weights had been on the last day of the year and here they are:
12/31/2007 = 285.4 (year of surgery)
12/31/2008 = 213.6
12/31/2009 = 205.0
12/31/2010 = 216.6
AT that realization I was like OH so it's not as bad as I thought.  I still am fighting to get to my 195 but I'm NOT as upset as I was.

So that brings us to today.  Right on the OTHER row from me EVERY Thursday there are always sweats and treats etc.  I've promised myself with the exception of Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day I will stay an adequate distance from sugar laden carbs.  WELL I didn't realize TODAY was Thursday until 30 minutes ago when I walked by and saw those DAMN boxes.  As any true addict I walked OVER to the boxes and stared.  In that moment I wanted a donut so BAD.  In THIS moment I want that donut so bad I'm about to CRY.

I just HATE how I'm feeling right now.  I will NOT eat the damn donut but the fact that I'm about to cry over it is so frustrating....alas as I always do just wanted to share.

Ms Shell

 HI MS. SHELL,
STOP CRYING AND REALIZE YOU HAVE GIVEN YOURSELF AND WEAKNESS TO GOD AND HE IS GONNA SET YOU FREE!!! THE FIRST STEP OF BEING AND ADDICT IS CONFESSING!!! YOU HAVE CONFESS AND NOW IT'S TIME TO GET OFF THE PITTY POT AND STOP BUYING THE DRUG AND PICK URSELF UP AND BELIEVE AS YOU TELL YOUR SELF THAT YOU HAVE COME TOO FAR TO ALLOW A DONUT, CAND BAR, CAKE ,CHIPS BEAT YOU!!! YOU ARE YOUR FATHER'S KEEPER AND YOU WILL WIN!!! BELIEVE IN YOUR SELF AS GOD HAS YOU AND GET BACK TO THE GYM AND BECOME THAT BETTER YOU!!!
HAZEL822

Aw wish I could give you a great big hug and tell you how wonderful you are. They say once an addict always an addict and god knows I'm right there with you. What has helped me is that I aglow myself one day a week to eat those bad things sad but I look forward to that day and the other days knowing that I'm not deprived for ever that in just days I can have thatcookie or candy it helps sometimes I have a night where I literally eat a while bag of cookies or five candy bars sure I feel sick and swear I won't do it again but every once in awhile I do. Unfortunately this was no magic pill and it is still hard work every day most people think it is easy but only we know the struggles so dont be so hard on yourself except who you are and take one day at a time and celebrate your success. You ar awesome xoxoxo

I think this kind of post shows the power of food addiction and the lengths we have to go to when we fight it.

Anyone who is on here knows that you are committed to this forum, on here daily, and still you have to fight this addiction. This is exactly what we mean when we say 'they did surgery on our stomachs not our brains'..

It seems like you know where your weakness is and hopefully you will be able to reach your goals and fight the good fight against food addiction. I hope you can gain the strength you seek through faith. The fact that you can share this with others will certainly be helpful.

Hugs

 
Rice.....

Rice is my Heroin.......My drug of choice......

If I have an un-doing......it will be rice......

So far....me and Rice have an understanding.....were just friends with benefits right now......a quickie now and than...... 

Let me know if I can do anything for you.....I  probably can't tell you anything new that you haven't heard before.....

frisco (my OH sig name was gonna be RiceBoy)

Giggling at Frisco's FWB with rice!

I soooo feel you. I didn't buy any chocolate to give out for Halloween, because I knew I'd eat it. I bought twizzlers and smarties. I just threw out the last of the smarties today because I'd rather they fed the trash than anyone I know. And my roommate made the twizzlers disappear.

The work goodie bowl is not right beside me, thank God, but I did go over to it a couple of times and even smelled the chocolate but walked away!

This is so damn hard. But you've done the hardest part already, starting. You can so do this. So can I. So can we all.

Ms Shell, I am going to give you a big hug!!  Thank you for writing!

Sugar is an evil, wicked beast - at least when it comes to me.  The first time I got off of it - 26 years ago - I was sitting with my gf  watching her eat a bowl of ice cream.  I burst into tears.  She said "why are you crying?"  I said, "because I feel so deprived that I can't have any."  And then she said, "I think you just feel deprived."  For some reason, it was like I'd be struck by lightning.  I really realized she was right, that I really was feeling deprived, and the ice cream wasn't going to fix it.

I think of my addiction as a monkey on my back, and it tells me awful lies so I will feed it.  Like, "Why are you depriving yourself?  Everyone else gets to eat ice cream!  What's wrong with you??  Don't *you* deserve it, too??"  If I am not taking care of myself, I believe it, it starts sounding just like me and not my addiction.  I give in, and the next thing you know I'm dancing with a 900 pound gorilla.  He's leading the dance, and it isn't going to end well. 

That donut doesn't have power over you, it's just the monkey that wants to be fed.  Ignore the monkey and cry if you need to!  That monkey wants to kill you.  You don't have to do what he says.

[Sorry, I know I can sound like a nut case...]

 This makes PERFECT sense to me, and almost brings me to tears.  I feel like I am fighting my urges every minute.

I'm 2-1/2 months out and losing like crazy, and I love that.  But I want, I want, I want - all the time.  I'm not HUNGRY - I just WANT whatever.

I just ate some delicious smoked salmon, so why do I want chocolate??

I have nothing to add - just big hugs. 

I so hear you, but i know if i give into it i wont stop, so i keep walking away, i dont know that it will ever get any easier but I think knowing that you have allowed your self two meals that are coming up soon means you know its coming to an end..., for me what i have done is started eating half a protein bar at night a choc coated one, it prob not much better than a candy bar but at least i know im getting in 10g of protein when i do it and its not affecting my weight

Is there any kind of protein bar that you actually like that you can take to work for the "thursdays" to help you eat something sweet?

or maybe you can make a shake cake for thursdays and top with whpped cream so you have your own treats that will not be the undoing for you.

there was one on the main board a few days back that looked  pretty good that might work...

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/4466780/Just-because-that-DS-er-shared-her-recipe/#36948342