Stolen from main forum, important read- skewed expectations

I'll say that #3 was an expectation of mine. I would lose x weight by y date

With over 200 pounds to lose, I had the expectation of being at a goal (not really sure of that number) at this point. This was not supported by the surgeon, shrink, PCP, etc. They explained it would not be possible in my situation but I had the attitude of "I'll show them". Well, I didn't make it. A disappointment--yes; a failure---no---just a small blow to the ego.

The other 9 on the list were/are not at all in my line of sight.

Another expectation of mine (and I hope I can explain this well) was that food/weight would no longer be such an obsession.  During my pre op life, food was probably the most important thought on my mind. Constantly planning what my next intake would be. I had hoped that would change with WLS---not the surgery itself, of course, but the change in lifestyle. Post op, I have become obsessed with staying on plan, planning, preparing, tracking, hitting my numbers, working out, etc. --all with the point of getting to some goal. I still hope that someday I can get to a weight that I can maintain without it having to be the center of my life. Does that make sense?

It's a good topic---makes you think and I hope you get some honest input.

Elaine

Elaine, yes- it makes perfect sense to me.. as your last paragraph describes me as well on many points. I still can throw down some really great food (and do more often now that I eat so little)- but my obsessive nature has shifted to the tracking, measuring.. planning. It's all good. It keeps us focused which I think is something really necessary.

I rather like her, and have since I was a lurker here.. History or no. Do I agree with everything she posts (or anyone for that matter), or even delivery? No, but that applies to everyone here! Do I value her input, straight-talk, humor, point of view, information, and where she's been? Absolutely. To each their own..

I can say that I hoped to be a fast loser that never had a stall, but because i researched and lurked here for almost a year before I had surgery, I felt i knew whatnto expect, even this second stall at six weeks out. I think perhaps it is a matter of the less people research and educate themselves about VSG and lifestyle changes, the more unrealistic the expectatiions.

Well I agree with the previous poster  (sorry I can't remember your username!) who said it really helped to read on these boards prior to surgery.  My recovery and experience to date has pretty well matched up with what my surgeon told me and what I read about on this forum.  In fact, things have gone better than I expected (except for post-op pain).  Since I'm only a month out, I can't really talk about the results of my expectations, only where I am right now.

The main thing that jumps out at me about the expectations she listed is that I haven't ever heard anyone claim that they got numbers 4-10 from a surgeon or other professional in a WLS program.  I'm sure there are total quacks out there though. 

Here is my take:
1.  For the VSG, the stats show that something like 70% of patients lose nearly all their hunger.  I did hope I'd be in this group, but I was never promised it or expected it.  A surgeon who promises his patients they won't get hungry is irresponsible.

2.  Who is trying to eat just a few hundred calories/day forever?  Other than someone who develops an eating disorder, who here is trying to exist on a few hundred calories/day? I honestly think this is Elizabeth N's subtle dig at all other WLS than the DS.  She has ranted about "starvation" diets before, nevermind that if you subtract the malabsorbed calories, the DS'ers seem to have about the same caloric intake as the other surgery types during the losing phase and in maintenance. 

I do expect that once in maintenance, I will be satisfied by the amount I can eat and maintain my weight.  I expect to eat high quality foods, consuming protein first.  I DON"T expect that this (being satiated) will happen if I am eating tons of carbs...this is information I gained from reading these boards. 

3 and 4.  Well I admit it.  I do have an expectation of losing X amt by a certain date.  It is a goal to shoot for, and I have realized it might not be the most realistic goal.  But hey, I'm gonna aim high.   And I have seen peeps with similar stats  Someone here said the goal should be to follow the program everyday because that is something you can control, and I like that.  Again, more info I gained from these boards :)

6.  Again, not sure where this one is coming from?  I tend to think its another dig at the other surgeries... who has expectations of needing to follow a rigid diet and exercise program forever?  My expectation is that I need to avoid snacking/grazing behavior, and avoid simple carbs.   I don't know if that is what she refers to as "rigid" or not.  Maybe other people do expect that they will have a rigid, several hundred calorie diet and be happy with it forever?  I don't know.

7-8-9 Well I agree and I think anyone who wants to lose weight, through WLS or not, has to face the fact that losing weight changes things socially and changes relationship dynamics, and not always in the way we plan or hope for.

10.  I agree, its importance to realize that with any surgery, the weight can be regained.  Researching the stats on the surgeries shows that.  We all have to realize that we could be on the unfavorable side of the statistics if we don't follow a good plan.

I thought that losing the weight...Would lead to being off meds.

Still have high Blood pressure...My Doctor said plenty of skinny people have high blood pressure.

Still have high cholesterol.

Still on meds for both.

Well i think that people hope for outcomes and perhaps have expectations until they are debunked.  I don't really see it as damaging.  I think when you get married you hope/have the expectation that you will be together forever.  Otherwise why bother.  When you get pregnant, you hope/expect that your child be healthy.  When you start in college your first day you expect to graduate.  I don't think this makes us fooli****hink it makes us human. 

Every week there is a post on here with someone stating that their Dr. has told them they will most probably only lose 60% of their weight loss because that is what the stats say and there are tens of replies from people who tell them they have lost 100% of their weight.  So is it unrealistic of those posters to believe/hope they will not be one of those other ordinary people who have managed what even Dr's are saying is not the norm?  There are people on here who are surprised when they are hungry because they have been told in all probability they will not be hungry with this surgery.  Is it therefore unrealistic to expect no hunger? I don't think so. 

The thing is that living it, is different then hoping for it.  Do pre-ops hope their lives will be better? That their spouses will desire them more. That they will want to go and show off their new bodies in perhaps a way they never wanted to show off their old? That one they lose the weight, they will be one of the ones that will keep it off?  Of course they do.  When life delivers them something different, they find a way to adjust. 

I presume the original poster is a vet or at least has had some time with wls.  But if any of us were to think back to pre-surgery, no matter how much research we did, we would remember just how hopeful and naive we perhaps were.  I don't think it's damaging, i think it's human.  Then we adjust, it may take longer for some, but what are we going to do?  The reality is almost always different.  But it's only when we've experience that, that we truly believe it.

My expectations: 

Well since this is my second wls they weren't much.  I expended most of my energy on the first and so second time around i was wiser.  But i did have some.  I expected to lose weight with the sleeve.  for the most part i have not.  I expected to be able to eat and swallow and not be afraid at every social event, that i might hurl on the person sitting opposite me.  this i accomplished.  I gained 30lbs between my band failing and my sleeve, then i lost 10 before surgery.  I expected by my three month surgerversary i would have lost that 20lbs and perhaps another 10.  I've lost neither.  I've adjusted because what else can you do.  But i sure loved the dream before the lap band. Even the memory of it is kinda fun.

Very good post. I'm already seeing my own struggles return. Definitely a stress eater - but only if the stress is mid level. When it's high I don't eat at all. Bad on both accounts!

I just keep talking to myself and need to get back in to my counselor, been 5 weeks, should have only been 3 but illness and work got in the way

So everytime I open a post like this with such good information it helps me realize that my slip ups are just a signal that I need to fight harder, learn better tools and recommit. And remember I'm not perfect

Thank you for posting this, I believe it has a lot of merit.  I am grateful that I went to a very knowledgeable surgeon at a Center of Bariatric Excellence.  I knew this was a very serious commitment and my biggest fear was/is failure  My surgeon as not coached me to the extent mentioned in another reply, but did supply me with solid statistics and realistic expectations.  Over and over, it was emphasized that this is only a tool.  I had success losing and maintaining weight loss twice in my life which my surgeon said statistically improved my chances but I was given very real expectations and statistical information.  The one thing my surgeon did say to me that I personally could be 100% successful.  I do track my food daily using spark people and my exercise.  Honestly, I am not exercising like I was prior to returning to work in September.  I will resume a a daily regime because I know that is key to not only weight loss by a overall health, both physical and mental!  I am personally grateful that I chose to enter therapy just before my surgery at the psychologist's recommendation pre-surgery, and that I found an expert in addictions.  I eat between 1200-1500 calories per day and include complex and a small amount of simple carbs each day.  My most important goal is to not engage in emotional eating.  I have had the gift of no ravishing hunger physically but emotionally, it's been a roller coaster but smoother now than ever in my life; I'm also postmenapausal:)  I can finally say today, that I would do this surgery again.