How Do We Approach People Who Are In The Same Condition We Once Were

I just wanted to add that I would never tell someone "you should....", I would simply share my experience with them.  In fact, that happened today at my niece's birthday party.  Unfortunately, the woman I was talking to had already looked into it and her gastro told her that her PCOS and various other gastro issues make her too high risk for any surgeon to take the chance.

I'm not one to ever bring it up, and now that I'm further out, I rarely talk about my surgery. I would tell someone that I had the band and VSG if it came up. I've had people ask me back when I was still losing, and have sent 5-6 friends to the same surgeon for VSG.

However, I do not think it's my place nor my responsibility to "share the gospel" of weight loss surgery with other obese people unless the subject is already brought up.

Plus, some people are very sensitive about their weight, their insurance might not cover it, they might not have a problem with their weight. I have been in a group of women discussing surgery options, and one friend who is at a size 20, said "well, I'm not miserable, YET so I'm not doing surgery". Far be it from me to dictate another human's perception of misery. I admittedly was NOT miserable weighing 270lbs, I have a lovely husband who loves me at any size, met, fell in love and married me at 270lbs, before him, I dated rampantly, had a great career, an amazing son, tons of friends, an active social life. I had surgery for a lot of vanity reasons in all honesty. I had zero co-morbidities, but I refused to get pregnant being obese. And, in the end my biggest driving force was to get pregnant at a healthy weight, and have children with my husband.

I would have been pissed if someone,especially a stranger, would have come up out of the blue and "shared the good word" on any bariatric surgery especially if they do not know my personal situation/experiences. What if I had already had WLS and dropped 100lbs, but they didn't know that I was struggling to lose the last 70-100lbs more???" How embarrassing would that be??

Start up a blog, get your name and story out there, but allow people to come to you.

 
This is what I'm finding.......

The more weight you lose.......the more people approach you or bring up the subject..........

During WL people are interested......but there is a wait and see posture......

Kinda like.... "Right On Dude.....Lookin good!"




Being at goal for a while and people "see" results......Kinda like "He made/did it"

I've gotten:

- Hey..... we gotta talk......
- You get the Lapband, ByPass
- Can I get you to talk to my friend, cousin, mom......
- My Mom wants to know what surgery you had.....

My cardiologist called me and asked me if I would talk to one of her patients about WLS........

frisco

For me the magic words were "it's covered by insurance. It's not considered cosmetic surgery."

Before that, even though I knew about WLS, I never considered it.

Once my neighbor who was having WLS said that, I did the research and had it done.

Then of course, Jenijeni, my best bud, who took me to my first appointment, asked the docs if she was covered, and when she found out she was, she scheduled and had the surgery too.

I would NEVER EVER guess that WLS would apply for someone at my former weight if my PCP didn't mention the possibility to me. I thought it was only for MO people. I consider myself a well-informed person... but I had no clue someone who weights 215 pounds would be approved for surgery. so in my opinion, not everyone knows about it and the possibilities...

I thought about making small cards with the OH site address and give it to individuals I see around who are obviously suffering from their weight (i.e. hardly walking etc). this way trying to help others wouldn't be THAT embarrassing for them (or for me)... actually, OH should make little flyers we could print. funny thing is my surgeon had OH flyers which he gave me when I did my surgery in MX...

I see so many of people who could use some help in the NY subways, it's kind of sad... there is a "cure" and honestly they don't seem to know about it. who would chose to keep being semi-immobile if they knew the possibilities of this surgery?

there is something fundamentally wrong with how information is divulged by the government and institutions regarding eating and solutions for the obesity problem.

For me, I have had the surgery and am down almost 50 pounds, but still SMO. I will admit I am a pretty sensitive person, but for someone to approach me, not knowing my story, and start telling me about weight loss surgery I would be hurt. You just don't know where people are in their life ya know? Now, I am excited and tell everybody about my surgery, but I have been on the end of people trying to help me who I was not close to and it backfired big time. My sister is the one who finally told me she thought I should have surgery, but she is my best friend, and I know if it would have come from anyone else I would have not responded well.

I know your heart is in the right place. You have discovered this miraculous thing and want everyone to reap the benefits. Just letting you know what this admittedly sensitive person,would feel like.

I had this happen to me. When I was in art school I had a prof that had gotten lap band and after class one day asked me to stay after so she could talk to me. I assumed it was about one of my projects to something related to her class. And BAM, she blind sided me with, "have you ever considered having weight loss surgery?" I was floored that she had the gall to ask me/ talk to me about something that was so personal and not her business at all.

Needless to say I was incredibly angry, upset and hurt. I told her that my weight was none of her business and if she didn't have anything school related to talk to me about that I'd be leaving. She seemed hurt that I wasn't instantly open to having that discussion but I was hurt she presumed to tell me I should have surgery! I left and didn't speak to her for several months.

After a lot of consideration I did realize the reason she had spoken to me about it was because she was happy with what she'd done and wanted the same for me. And I made it a point to explain to her I understood why she had done it but it was still inappropriate.

Shortly after that I started my research. Either way, it is not your responsibility to "save MO people from themselves" or to preach to people that may not want to hear about it. If someone asks, that is completely different. Talk about it, talk about it til you're blue in the face. But don't assume that just because it's want you wanted it's what everyone wants.

Just my 2¢.

 I know that the number one regret on this forum seems to be "why didn't I do this sooner?" 

But, I believe that we all come to this decision based on timing whether it is because someone talks to us about it at the right time or we begin to see others who have had it or we read an article somewhere about how it works. In the end though, I don't think you can help someone decide to have the surgery who has not reached the right "time and place" in their head and heart to do so. 

Like so many things, I think this kind of change has to come internally. So my advice would be to talk about yourself, if you feel you have that opening to do so, but not to try to advocate or preach because frankly that can and does often backfire. 

The thing I hated most before were those "testifiers" that would try to come up to me and preach about their new found weight loss and how everyone should have it done. I PRAY that I NEVER become one of those people. I would ask them "what is going on in your life that is so messed up that you would approach a total stranger and suggest something as serious and life altering as this?"  If you are in some sort of conversation and this is a mutual topic then I would give info on an as asked basis. I think this is why a lot of people jump into this for the wrong reasons. Pressure and bullying can take several disguises. Just my opinion.

Exactly