In case you wondered where I went

I just posted this on my profile.


It's Revision Time

I cannot lose anymore weight-in fact, I just keep gaining. I have barely any restriction and I feel hungry all the time. I am a statistic-one of the few who must undergo the second step of the DS after getting just the sleeve. I may only be able to do an RNY...it all depends on what is available to me.

There are good things going on with me. I am 2 classes (7 credit hours) away from my Bachelor's degree. I have a great career starting up and I am beginning to feel like a real and true "grown up"...at the tender age of 37! LOL

I just started on Humira to try and clear up my Psoriasis. So far, so good. I am also branching out and building a community for myself. I recently joined a Unitarian Universalist church and its youth organization. They let me in even though I am 2 years older than the age range (18-35). I am Jewish, but I enjoy the UU teachings of all paths and the messages. Its great to have a place to feel spiritual in.

On the sadder notes, I-of course-have gained back damn near everything I lost. I am back in a size 26W. I had gotten down to a 20W. I am winded after routine tasks and don't have any energy to get past daily tasks. Now, understand that I also have a very bad case of Psoriatic Arthritis. This all by itself causes severe fatigue, pain, and a host of other symptoms. Add in my fatness and you have the recipe for a girl who does only what she absolutely had to to make it through the day.

I am also very lonely for the dating scene. I have lots of friends-guys and girls. But I am so self conscious about my size and the coverage area of my psoriasis that I have all but shut down my libido on purpose. I am not happy with myself so how can I expect someone else to be happy with me? Short answer-I can't.

Therefore, I have decided that revision is now a definite for me. I have posted a few blurbs on both the revision and DS boards to feel out which way to go. Not surprisingly, DS people were adamant that I go that route. I understand their reasoning, but I feel they don't understand mine. I need help now...not down the line "sometime" when I can get through all the hoops begging for a surgery that is not as routine as RNY. I already went rogue and got surgery in Mexico. I am ready for the standard treatment.

I believe that a major reason I failed is because of the lack of ancillary support that I skipped by going to Dr. Alvarez. I would recommend him to anyone, but for me, I needed the additional support. I need to see a nutritionist, psychologist and have support groups available to me. When I had my surgery, I spent more time defending it than actually learning how to work it.

Now that I have seen my sister go through an RNY at the Cleveland Clinic, I see everything I missed out on. She has regular follow ups and a host of other ancillary services at her disposal. She is also nearly 200lbs lighter. I can't help it, I am jealous while happy for her.

Now, with all that be said, I have one large obstacle in my way. I have no insurance or money in which to self pay. My career is as a contracted employee. Its a great field to get into, but I am responsible for my own health insurance. I recently tested the waters to see if I was self insurable. That was a big fat NO.

I spoke with my employer and she recommended I take a 2nd job that could offer me insurance. I am lucky that I can telecommute with her, so a 2nd job wouldn't be too much of a strain on my schedule. That leads me to later this week as I have a job interview with a company that gives you insurance the first of the month following your hire date. Based on this, and the fact that they are known to hire almost everyone who applies (yeah, big turnover), I have already set up an informative seminar for August 6th at the Clinic and filled out their on-line survey. I am so ready to get this going.

If you asked me, I would love to have this done over December break. I will have graduated, my first job will be on a seasonal hiatus and I could just relax and recover. Of course, this is all just speculation and hope.

But, the simple fact is that I am now officially and actively pursuing a revision surgery. I am once again in square one and ready to make this life saving journey.

Thanks for listening.
Jessica :)

I'm really sorry to hear that things did not work out well for you. I'm sure many of us can sympathize about the regain, and I can only imagine it's a much harder blow to deal with after a surgery you had such hopes for. I truly hope that you can get a revision and get back to a healthier situation soon!

Can I ask one thing.. or actually a couple? When you say you have no restriction- was that something you had early out and slowly lost, or was it never really there for you? Can you eat a large amount of dense food like chicken now, or is it a sense of no restriction for foods that are deemed the sliders? And, you alluded to needing the support/nutritionists etc.. if you don't think it's a TMI question, what do you think was your biggest downfall?

Thanks,
Jo

Hi Jo!

I feel like my restriction fell away after about 6 months. Before that, I was like almost everyone else when they are a newbie-struggling to get my fluids and protein in. Then, suddenly, I was hungry and could eat whatever I wanted. That honeymoon lasted a few months without a gain...then that fell away too and I have been on the up trend for a while.

I made dinner for myself a few days ago and this is what I put on my plate...and ate all of without a problem.

3 oz. pork chop
4 oz. lite mac n cheese
2 oz. natural apple sauce
2 oz. green beans

I ate it all and was satisfied. That's a lot of food for me and while that was a fairly healthy and rounded meal, I can eat so much sometimes it disgusts me. Slider foods...well the only one I actually eat is cottage cheese and that keeps me filled up for a while, ironically.

There are a lot of issues at hand. I really do need consistent therapy about this constant hunger-both physical and mental.( I am not imagining my stomach growling!) I think I also need to have my PCOS re-evaluated for insulin resistance issues. If that is flaring its ugly head again, then I am fighting a battle I cannot win without intervention. (No health insurance...it stops everything.)

I am open to answering just about anything. I need support and you can't have that without owning the problem...and this is the only place I have ever felt that support.

Thank you for taking the time to read and post.

This is my place for support, so I get you there! And, as someone *****gains (big time), and has insulin resistance issues- you have my sympathies!! I know that after trying metformin with little benefit- the only thing that consistently helped STOP the gain was going low carb as it curbed the insulin issues. I'm one that will likely have to walk the very lo-carb walk to stay on the healthier side and hopefully continue losing.. I don't mind it very much, at least not now.. but again as I always say, I'm early out.. so things are still rosy. ((hugs)) Good luck on your journey!

Jessica I have a  friend that had the RNY surgery she regrets getting it done.  She had all kinds of help problems after having the surgery she went into a comma after coming out of her comma she had more heath issues than before the surgery.  As fdr you being hungry drink lots of water and no fried foods.

Thank you , Tim, for your post.

I am not sure how new you are to the WLS idea, but rest assured, I am quite knowledgeable on the risks and potentials of it. I have been a member of OH for 10 years and did not go into my VSG without fully understanding it. I have been to numerous seminars, doctor consults and walked my sister through her RNY last June. And, oh yeah...I had a VSG in October 2007.

I am sorry that your friend regrets her RNY. I know at least a dozen people (personally, as in I speak with them often) who have had WLS and of the RNY people, only one had a bad time of it and it was from pneumonia. Everyone else has had their expected ups and downs but has not had life threatening complications. My own sister had a stricture that she had relieved with endoscopy. I know what I am getting myself into (potentially) if I were to go to the next step.

My reasons for being on the boards are simple: most people here understand what I am going through in some way or another. They support me, offer me advice and commiserate with me through the good times and the bad. This kind of support is invaluable and I am so thankful for it.

I am sure you meant well in recommending I drink more and avoid fried foods, but frankly that advice is moot as it is akin to telling me to just have willpower. If you are a pre-op and have not actually had WLS yourself, then you cannot possibly understand the dilemma I am dealing with. It would be like trying to explain to you how bad menstrual cramps are..you've never had them. You couldn't understand it.

Thank you :)