Dear VSG forum - my boyfriend has pretty much left me cuz I got fat & chose surgery
Oh, sweetie. I hope some of what's been said is sinking in... I can only say from experience that a huge, heartwrenching breakup, in the end, only makes you a better and more confident person when you finally know what you want, and what you DON'T want.
This man does not love you. You're convenient for him because you give him what he wants, and in return he gets to control and abuse you (and yes, this IS abuse)... if he says he loves you, then he has no clue what love is.
Please, for the love of God, do not ever let this horrible person be a father to your beloved future children, for their sake. Be STRONG, don't let him bully you into staying with him, and don't even worry about finding another man right now! Build yourself a solid foundation around YOURSELF, and when the right man comes along *****ally does love you for you -- and he will, and you won't believe the difference -- you'll be ready and able to build something beautiful. What you have now is not beautiful, it's toxic.
Please put yourself first and know that you will get through this and be so much better for it on the flip side.
This man does not love you. You're convenient for him because you give him what he wants, and in return he gets to control and abuse you (and yes, this IS abuse)... if he says he loves you, then he has no clue what love is.
Please, for the love of God, do not ever let this horrible person be a father to your beloved future children, for their sake. Be STRONG, don't let him bully you into staying with him, and don't even worry about finding another man right now! Build yourself a solid foundation around YOURSELF, and when the right man comes along *****ally does love you for you -- and he will, and you won't believe the difference -- you'll be ready and able to build something beautiful. What you have now is not beautiful, it's toxic.
Please put yourself first and know that you will get through this and be so much better for it on the flip side.
HW 258 SW 246.4 CW 166.8 GW 160
(reflects loss from all-time high weight in November 2009)
It sounds like he is the really insecure one. It sounds like he is so afraid of losing you he is making you hate yourself so you dont think you can do any better.
Run the other way, it will only get worse. It is hard, I know. Been there.
I dont think you can fix an emotionally abusive boyfriend..
Run the other way, it will only get worse. It is hard, I know. Been there.
I dont think you can fix an emotionally abusive boyfriend..
HW: 258lbs SW: 240 CW: 140 I am 5 foot 7 and 30 years old
VSG 12/21/10 Plastics: Tummy tuck, breast lift, and augmentation 11/3/11
Soon to be veterinarian!! xoxo
Darlin', if this was your BFF what advice would you give her? I'm sure you would tell her to close this chapter of her life and move on. Please re-read your post like you're reading someone else's and think of what advice you would give them.
You're a lovely person inside and out and you deserve a man who sees that and will help you to see that in yourself too.
{{{Hugs}}}
You're a lovely person inside and out and you deserve a man who sees that and will help you to see that in yourself too.
{{{Hugs}}}
Jean I'm 45, 5' 4-1/2" -- 315/272/230 -- 43 lbs lost pre-op
"Progress, not perfection..." ~Dr. Roger Gould
Breast reduction & lift - 11/11/11 (sooo wonderful!!!)
""""""""""What happens now? I really don't believe I could be with another man. and I probably wouldn't think twice about it if I didn't want a child. I love him, would want to be with him forever but how could I go through this and he not come around and support me?"""""""""""
What happens now...the painful truth NEEDs to smack you upside the head and kick your ass into gear getting away from the sorry loser. I don't care if he's gorgeous and/or is the best ever in the sack, or has mountains of money and things, or even all the above, he is a cancer in your life. Especially bear in mind that if he treats you this shabbily and makes you feel so bad, he will be the WORST. Father. Ever.
WHY do you love this asshole? He's a control freak, an abuser, and has no empathy for others. Men like this are experts at making women fall '"in love' " with them, and at making you feel like a worthless turd.
Even if you need counseling to break his hold on you, do it. When you learn to feel less hurt, you will laugh at the idea you ever condidered yourself to be in love with this jerk. And you will get interested in other men, but even if you didn't , it wouldn't be the end of the world. If you 'couldn't fall in love again' I think a sperm bank or even an anonymous one night stand in a city far away would be preferable to sticking with the jackass you describe. I'm sure he can be really sweet when he wants to (like if you actually try to get away from him, he will probably fly crazy first, then the flowers and promises route, in other words 'lies')
I'm NOT sorry to sound harsh. I was always falling in love with charming but actually BAD men when I was younger, and wish someone had made me see the light!
Oh, and another thing--don't delude yourself. Even if you lost every ounce of excess weigh and ended up with a perfect body, he would find plenty to make you feel bad, and even more reason to control you. There is NOTHING you can do for /oyourself to make this better (at least not permanently) because with people like this they WILL find a way to make you feel like **** about yourself.
What happens now...the painful truth NEEDs to smack you upside the head and kick your ass into gear getting away from the sorry loser. I don't care if he's gorgeous and/or is the best ever in the sack, or has mountains of money and things, or even all the above, he is a cancer in your life. Especially bear in mind that if he treats you this shabbily and makes you feel so bad, he will be the WORST. Father. Ever.
WHY do you love this asshole? He's a control freak, an abuser, and has no empathy for others. Men like this are experts at making women fall '"in love' " with them, and at making you feel like a worthless turd.
Even if you need counseling to break his hold on you, do it. When you learn to feel less hurt, you will laugh at the idea you ever condidered yourself to be in love with this jerk. And you will get interested in other men, but even if you didn't , it wouldn't be the end of the world. If you 'couldn't fall in love again' I think a sperm bank or even an anonymous one night stand in a city far away would be preferable to sticking with the jackass you describe. I'm sure he can be really sweet when he wants to (like if you actually try to get away from him, he will probably fly crazy first, then the flowers and promises route, in other words 'lies')
I'm NOT sorry to sound harsh. I was always falling in love with charming but actually BAD men when I was younger, and wish someone had made me see the light!
Oh, and another thing--don't delude yourself. Even if you lost every ounce of excess weigh and ended up with a perfect body, he would find plenty to make you feel bad, and even more reason to control you. There is NOTHING you can do for /oyourself to make this better (at least not permanently) because with people like this they WILL find a way to make you feel like **** about yourself.
I agree with just about everything said here but I feel most haven't gone far enough in their warnings. Please listen. I've been there. The most likely thing that is going to happen is that the emotional abuse you are experiencing now WILL turn into physical abuse and then will likely not stop with you but any children you might have with him. Please understand staying with him could end in your death or the death of a child. Please don't take that chance and get out now.
hw 292.5 sw 270 cw166.6 gw 120 hgt 5' includes 22.5 lbs pre-surgery 46.6 lbs to go
YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!! No man (or woman for the guys) is worth taking this type of verbal abuse. Someone who truly loves you, will love you no matter what! I was once in an abusive relationship like yours and had the same thoughts you did; Can I find someone else who will love me? Can I love someone else? Blah, blah, blah... and guess what I did! I have found a wonderful man who loves me for me! It is a wonderful feeling to have and everyone deserves to be loved no matter what! Kick his ass to the curb! I know it is easier said than done right now but know that there are some wonderful people out that and you need to feel confident in yourself that you will find him. He sounds like bad news for you.
I will end it with this.... YOU ARE WORTH IT! Know that about yourself. I'm sure you wouldn't want this relationship for your sister or best friend so why accept it for yourself.
I hope things get better soon for you.... (((HUGS)))
I will end it with this.... YOU ARE WORTH IT! Know that about yourself. I'm sure you wouldn't want this relationship for your sister or best friend so why accept it for yourself.
I hope things get better soon for you.... (((HUGS)))
Val 
"Turns out is not where but who you're with that really matters!"
~ Dave Matthews
"Turns out is not where but who you're with that really matters!"
~ Dave Matthews
Zee,
You have to leave this loser TODAY!!! He is abusive and it will not get better with time. IT WILL BECOME WORSE!!! I spent my early twenties with a loser. He left me for someone else. The best thing that ever happened in my life! I wasted so much time, changed so many life plans, and lost some friends...All for a loser!
After he left I decided to focus on me. I finished my Master's degree, lost some weigh at WW(gained back), and worked on my spiritual relationship with God. I felt good!
Six months later I met my husband. I was not looking for relationship due to finally loving me! I feel that I had confidence and others could see.
My husband is the sweetest man on the earth. He is positive and loves me at 260 pounds and he is a athletic 170. He has never mentioned my weight and he is not fully on board with vsg because he thinks I am fine, lol! He loves me so much (sometimes I think it is too much. I feel smothered at times, lol) Good things comes to those who wait!
Get yourself together and I great guy will follow! Good luck to you!
Stephanie
You have to leave this loser TODAY!!! He is abusive and it will not get better with time. IT WILL BECOME WORSE!!! I spent my early twenties with a loser. He left me for someone else. The best thing that ever happened in my life! I wasted so much time, changed so many life plans, and lost some friends...All for a loser!
After he left I decided to focus on me. I finished my Master's degree, lost some weigh at WW(gained back), and worked on my spiritual relationship with God. I felt good!
Six months later I met my husband. I was not looking for relationship due to finally loving me! I feel that I had confidence and others could see.
My husband is the sweetest man on the earth. He is positive and loves me at 260 pounds and he is a athletic 170. He has never mentioned my weight and he is not fully on board with vsg because he thinks I am fine, lol! He loves me so much (sometimes I think it is too much. I feel smothered at times, lol) Good things comes to those who wait!
Get yourself together and I great guy will follow! Good luck to you!
Stephanie
I met my initial goal of 160!
I feel so sad that you don't know your worth...You DESERVE THE BEST!!! From your post, it doesn't seem like you are getting the best...Love is patient...Love is kind...Your boyfriend doesnt' sound like he is either one of these things...Know your worth...YOU DESERVE THE BEST!!!! VSG surgery is not easy and the journey is long and difficult...you need someone supportive by your side to pick you up on the days when you feel down and hopeless. He should want you to do whatever it takes to make you happy..Love is patient. Love is kind.... I will pray that you find the courage to know that YOU DESERVE THE BEST!!!!
"The will of God will not take me where the GRACE of God cannot protect me!"
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