Dear VSG forum - my boyfriend has pretty much left me cuz I got fat & chose surgery

Baby girl...you deserve alot better AND you never know. Maybe you will find someone that isn't so controlling who accepts you for who you are!!

I agree with most on here...kick him to the curb and lookout for those that appreciate you for YOU!!!

Find some faith!

 I thought my first husband was the love of my life, my soulmate.  After being married for 17 or so years and three children later...I was embarrassed to eat in front of him.  My weight was one of the reasons our marriage failed.  I was never going to be good enough for him and I felt guilty every time I ate something HE thought I shouldn't be eating.  After being divorce for 6 years, I met a man that loves me any way I am!  I was 155 on our first date and got up to 207 and he still loved me!  I felt such a freedom that I never felt with my first husband!  Now, we just celebrated out 10th anniversary and he still loves me at 133 and going down!  When I decided to have WLS, I did it for me and no one else and he supported my decision.  You will find someone else, someone who will love YOU for YOU just the way YOU are!  YOU deserve better because YOU are worth it!

Beverly

Reading this brings back memories to the abusve manipulative relationship (just like yours) that I was in. I felt I didn't deserve better, and would'nt admit that while in the relationship. They beat you up verbally soooo bad because of their own insecurities....yes, he has issues! Nobody treats others that way unless they have issues. You deserve to do what makes you happy with yourself, not for him. If weight loss surgery is what you want then you do it. !!!  He also is waaay controlling. They don't control because they love you so much they control  for some issue of their own. Unfortunetly we hardly ever realize how bad it is until we are out. We always think we love them soooo much (mainly cuz they have killed our self esteem) . SOmeone who loves you doesn't make you feel bad everyday! Someone you can't live without doesn't dictate how long your sandwhich should be or how big the bowl of popcorn you eat is. Go through the weighloss surgery and when you feel better about yourself and become more independent hopefully you will realize your worth more then being with him. Good luck to you =)

So sorry you have to go through this..I promise you though,  you deserve better. I hate to say it but I bet when you lose the weight, there will be something else for him to b*tch and moan about. And you said, how you can you trust him and you are right. You need someone that will love you regardless. I mean, think about your weight gain during pregnancy. Jeez, what would he make you feel like then...good luck with your decision,

Shannon

What a sad post...you can't even depend on this man to answer your phone calls, yet you don't believe you could be with another man and are even thinking of having a child with him.

I know change is hard, but I hope you understand that things don't have to be this way. Life is full of options.

Lindsey

This is not love.  This is a co-dependent pseudo-relationship.  You deserve so much more.  I know that when you are on the inside, and you are the one with feelings for this person you can't hear and see what others say beyond what you think you feel.  But if I could have one wish for you - it would be finding that person that makes you feel beautiful no matter WHAT.  That is your other half, your best friend, your soul mate.  Because they are out there, and they are worth having.  Just as you are. They aren't perfect, just as you aren't perfect.  And neither of you expects the other to be.   

It strikes me as interesting that you can see what he is doing here - yet you chose to allow him to pull your strings.  I have to say, that seems even worse to me than a person who is in denial and ignorant of what someone is doing to them.  

Sigh.  This just makes me sad.  No one deserves this.

"I really don't believe I could be with another man'. Weeeeeeel, you'd be surprised. Wait until the inches come off and 'the chase' begins. Tell him to educate himself on the forums and to shut up; you have enough things to deal with.

I'm not being flippant. I'm dead serious. You need to seek therapy. It can strengthen you and your perception of your worth. You have been abused. Your way of viewing yourself could be harmful to your health, surgery results, and future.  If you have a child with him he will feel more entitled to control you. God loves you. This man does not. Love yourself enough to realize that. Love your future children enough to at least attempt to provide them a loving home. There is no chance of that with him... even if he cries when he comes back.  Good  luck and God Bless.

BTW, a part of you knows this- that's why you wrote on this forum.

 I have another comment.  The thought of you bringing a child into the world with this person makes me ill.  How WILL you feel when he treats your little girl the way he treats you?  How WILL you feel when she develops an eating disorder and self-esteem issues?  And how WILL you feel when she accepts less than in her relationships with men because that is what she knows and thinks she deserves?  After all, mommy did.    God, I literally feel ill thinking about it.  

Boys are dumb, throw rocks at them!!  I am sure that in his own stupid way he is telling you these things because he cares about you and wants you to be healthy and happy.  He just doesn't know how to say it kindly.  That said...I would still kick him to the curb and find yourself someone that isn't so harsh.  You deserve someone that loves you and is kind to you no matter where your weight is.  Sure we all need a kick in the tushy once in awhile, but sounds to me like that is all he does. What is he gonna say when you are fat full of child?   And yes, if he truly cared he would support you through this process.  You can do better for yourself darlin!