Couch 2 5K...Round 2

Well OH friends, I lived thru another session of C25K last night!My grand-daughter, M, had an orientation for a summer internship and couldn't come with me.    I really missed her.  I had thought about taking Gus the Wonderdog but he would've gotten tired and laid down in the middle of the track after about 5 minutes.

The Kentucky weather smiled on me and it was a balmy 90 degrees with lower humidity and a nice breeze.  That didn't stop me from sweating like a hog!  The Fibro Gods were also feeling generous because I wasn't in any pain (at least not Fibro pain---I was sore though).

On Wednesday night, I did my homework like a good girl.  Got on the treadmill and jogged/ walked for a mile.  Didn't feel too bad.

On the way to Thursday's session at the park, I had a long talk with myself (If you've read my other posts, you know that I am kinda teched in the head and talk to/answer myself).  So anyhoo, I said "Self, it doesn't matter what anyone else does.  This is not a race.  So what if the Large Lady and the Old Lady and the Rode Hard Lady (see Tuesday's post for a cast of characters) can all out do you.  I bet they didn't have surgery to change their lives a few weeks ago.  Don't compete with them.  Just try to outdo yourself.  Do more tonight than you did Tuesday night."

Self answered "***** please.  You know it bugs the bejesus out of you when you see those people ahead of you on the track.  Don't try to blow sunshine up my butt.  You're fat, old and you have shin splints like crazy.  Let's just blow this taco stand and go get a beer.  You'll probably lose weight anyway this week without killing yourself".

"Now you know you can't have a beer. Besides, STFU and for once in your life and give yourself a break". 

So the argument continued all the way to the park. vs

I was dressed in my hot pink shirt, my black yoga britches and had my hair pulled up in a very unbecoming twist.  I had the ta-tas strapped down like they were going to jump out at someone and was ready to roll.

So we started our "warm-ups".  Good golly Miss Molly,......warm-up???!!!  After about 5 seconds, I was sweating and my face was as red as a freshly f****d {ahem, "bred") Fox in a forest fire.  But the stretches actually felt kinda good.  Then the little Leprechaun that is our instructor said  "Now we'll do 20 jumping jacks".  Jumping Jacks???!!!!!  REALLY?  So like a good sport, I did those friggin' jumping jacks,  just hoping the ta tas wouldn't escape their industrial strength lashings,  praying that I was coordinated enough to have my legs apart when they were supposed to be and not look like a complete dork.

After our "warm-up" (pant, pant, wheeze, gak), we were told that we were to locomote our behinds around the 0.8 mile path 2 and hopefully 3 times.    Say what?  I must've looked like I was about to faint or  because the Leprechaun told us that we didn't have to run all that way unless we wanted to.   Ha.  Like "want' has anything to do with it at this point.   She was kind enough to tell us that it was fine if we walked the whole way but that we were to try and push ourselves a little.  Little did she know, I was pushing myself to even be there.  But I felt better because that was just a mile and a half total for 3 laps and I usually walked that several times a week anyway.

So we took off.  This time, I didn't stay at the back of the pack the whole time.  Most of the time but not the whole time. I probably "ran" (boy is that a gross overstatement) about a half mile total and walked the other mile at a pace that was a little faster than comfortable for me.  Of course, I was the last one to finish. 

While we were doing our "cool down" stretches (what a misnomer that is!) I heard the Rode Hard Lady mention that she was 56.  56???!!!  That's just 6 years older than me.  I felt sorry for her.  Somebody should've told her years ago to just say NO (to the tanning bed, wild ways, something..).  But I can't talk, she ran the whole freakin' 1.5 miles.  Then the Old Lady (that I thought was at least 80) said she was just 61.  Dear Lord, what had happened to these people?  Then they started talking about how they did such and such in Zumba class this week and how kickboxing was such fun, etc., etc.  DAMMIT people, this was supposed to be for fat, out of shape people like me!!!  No wonder they were running circles around me.  Another classmate mentioned how she ran track in high school but hadn't run all year since she graduated.  I was amazed!  No wonder that she had run the whole time and her make-up hadn't even smeared!!  I really wanted to slap the cute right off her face.  Then, to top it all off, the Large Lady told the Leprechaun that this class wasn't as hard as she anticipated because she was used to walking 5 miles a day.  WHAT???  Dad burned, here I was sweating my guts out, having an internal argument with Self to get motivated to "get back out there" and these people were talking about walking 5 miles a day, Zumba, kickboxing and other stuff I didn't have the energy to even think about????!!!!  Well butter my butt and call me biscuit, I was ready to go all crazy on them and SHOW them what kind of damage a tired, fat, sweaty, sore, woman could do!  Zumba my a**.

I told the Leprechaun after class that I wasn't pushing myself any harder in the heat because I just had surgery a little over 7 weeks ago.  I told her that I felt bad that my fitness level was so far below the rest of the class.  She was very understanding and kind.  She told me that she admired me for even trying this class so soon after surgery.  That made me feel good.  I wasn't trying to make excuses.....I just felt like she needed to know in case I keeled over or went  psycho and mutilated someone that mentioned kickboxing or something.

It's supposed to be suffocatingly hot her this weekend but I don't go bac****il Tuesday.  We have "homework" for today, tomorrow and Monday but I can do that on the treadmill in my nice, private, cool basement while I watch NCIS and the history channel.  The Leprechaun said to take Sunday off.  How kind (can you hear the dripping sarcasm in that?)  Sunday afternoon I am going to go see my 4 year old grand-daughter in her first dance recital so I don't have time to sweat.


Will keep you posted on my continuing saga.

You keep me laughing.  Keep up the good work and keep up the posts.  I will be looking forward to next weeks!!

Thanks!  I am damned and determined to finish this class even if I don't end up "running" a 5K at the end!

You really need to save these for a book.  They are terrific.  Congrats on making the effort.  I can definately relate to how you're feeling.  I took a Yoga class this past winter with all these skinny, flexible young women.  The instructor was terrific she would show the skinny minnies how to do party trick poses and then work with me on not throwing out my back.  Keep it up, it will get easier and the pounds melt away!

Cindi

The bad thing about sonme of the positions she puts us in is that she tells us "don't forget to breathe" while we are doing it.  BREATHE???!!  How can you breathe when your gut is smashed, your legs are twisted up around you and your boobs are up under your nose?

It's gotta get easier....the only way it would get harder is a tortuous death!

Had to go refill my crystal lite bottle and settle in for a good read.
Love your ongoing saga. It keeps me laughing.
Looking forward to the next installment....I will be sad when the challenge is over (probably sadder than you!)
Good luck and haul a**!

Oh, don't worry about when this challenge is over  (see my other posts before this challenge).  I am one of those people that things just "happen" to and I always have a warped way of looking at them.  My husband gets tired of hearing about some of my foibles so I bestow them on my OH family.

You are such a great writer!! I have thoroughly enjoyed the two installments thus far. As Elaine said, you just have to keep going and going to these classes to keep us entertained!! ( glad I'm far away so you can't slap me!! ) haha

You need to submit these "articles" to your local newspaper. You could really get people in your community moving! Then you could be a local celebrity and we could say we "knew" you first!!

Keep it up. It is just great!!
P.S.- Sounds to me like you are doing awesome!! No zumba, kickboxing , etc. and still doing good!

Don't worry...I wouldn't slap you.

There is NO WAY I could submit my articles to our local newspaper.  My husband would kill me.  Our local paper won't print anything unless you submit it under your real name and it's a failry small town (60,000).  My husband has a high profile, public service job and is often in the paper.  I too work for a government agency and believe me, the last thing I want is any noteriety.  Besides, if I put it in the paper, the Large Lady, the Old Lady, the Rode Hard Lady and the Leprechaun would be able to identify themselves and might come lynch me.

Thanks for the compliment, but I'll just share with my OH family.  If I ever publish them, it will be with a Nom dePlume so no one can identify me!

Eventually, I will be Zumba-ing and kickboxing circles around their butts! 

Yay another post! Love them and keep them coming (that means...you have to keep going!) :)

I think you are doing so well and I give you much credit. Yay you!