2 Days....

So there are only 2 days left till I start my new life with my new sleeve. I'm filled with joy and happiness to finally be in shape and be able to buy normal size clothing and not have to special order my stuff online. I find myself going through a mixture of weird emotions these past few days. It seems one hour I'm super excited and ready to get going, and the next I'm spacing out and freaking out inside wondering if I'm making the right decision. My poor mom has to constantly keep telling me it's going to be great, and you're going to be the hottest thing in Central Florida. I know that shouldn't be my main motivation but it does help. I know this is the right choice. I'm just scared and nervous I can't do it. But I have no choice. I will do it. I want to survive and have a normal happy life not filled with joint pain and back pain, and future heart or diabetes problems!! I'm 3 years away from 30 and I refuse to be obese in my 30s!! I just keep praying for God to give me the strength to get through the surgery and the first 2 months. I know once my eating gets back to normal and I see that weight falling off I'll be so excited and motivated that it'll be the catalsyt needed to continue on to loose the 224lbs that I need to drop. I use to lie about my weight becuase I was so embarrassed. Not anymore. I'm 394.7LBs...it doesn't define me, it won't define me. I will be 170lbs in my adult life. I will be in a size 10 in my adult life. I will succeed and have a happy adult life with a normal weight body. I'm tired of being Obese. I'm tired of being the "Fat" girl in a group of skinny minis. I want to be the pretty girl in the group. Let's be honest. The first thing people see is your size when you're big. The never look at you and say "Wow she's a pretty girl". It's always "If she could loose weight she's be beautiful". I'm beautiful now! I'll be even more beautiful when I'm skinner!! I've always been a fat activist and also refused to be judged based on my weight, so I would be the jokester or the "*****" because I wanted respect any way I could get it. I think that's why I didn't have the issues most obese children have now with bullying in high school. But I will tell you this. The guys that I liked never gave me the time of day. I never had a boyfriend through high school and had to settle for a subpar loser who was just a user. I would have had more self esteem. I think this started a slew of horrible relationship choices and settling. I'm not saying this is all caused by my weight but it had a huge factor to it. I'm excited that I have started to rebuild my self image even now to a stronger more confident woman who has higher standards. I'm taking this next year of my life and focusing on myself. Not a man, not anyone else but myself. I know this sounds selfish and yes it is, but I use to spend my life making other's happy and forgot how to do for myself. It's time to be ok in my own skin. I'm there now, and ready to make my outside reflect what I feel on the inside.

This is why I'm doing this. I'm not doing this for anyone else but myself. I'm just ready to start my new life.


Wow...this was a total ramble fest...

LOL

xoxo,
Mandi
 

That is a great mindset Mandi. I wish that I had done this in my 20's too as I lost many years to obesity. I'm 54 lbs down but I am on my way and know that this new healthier body is going to be a happier, healthier body with the same but changed beautiful person inside (if that makes sense). Best of luck to you!!!

Thank you Didi!! I'm excitedly nervous!! LOL 

I had a whole slew of emotions going on but I can tell you that I wasted alot of energy worrying about the surgery. Everyone is nervous before surgery......but glad your excited!

First of all you are not being selfish,  you should be #1 right now.  Only when you have children should you maybe become #2 but never any less than that. 
You are very lucky to be able to have this opportunity at such a young age.  Not to have to fight this fat monster will leave you time to conquer other things,  career,  family etc. 
I will be thinking of you and here are some good thoughts and prayers coming your way as you embark on your journey to a new and improved you.

Good luck and I'll be waiting to see your updates soon

Thank you ladies!! I'm just trying to be super honest with myself and those around me to get through this. I want to stop hiding and put it all out there. The good, the bad, and the ugly so to speak!! 

xoxo 

Oi!
That was a well written and inspired diatribe Mandi!
You have a business making other people look beautiful - so be selfish all you want and meke yourself happy...I say happy because you are a beautiful already OUTSIDE and In...
BTW: WhoTF decided to make BEUATIFUL so hard to ******g spell? I hope I got it right.
I know you will kick ass and "rock that sleeve"
Here is some inspirational music for you (I will sing this loud and horribly!)
It's a song by the baddest man around, more macho than Tom Jones, cooler than Lenny Kravitz, has more attitude than Eminem and could kick Chuck Norris's ASS....
The one, the only....Barry "The Big Dawg" Manilow!

"Caught up in a world of uphill climbing
The tears are in my mind
And nothing is rhyming, OH Mandi!

Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, OH MandiI
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, OH Mandi!

Yesterday's a dream I face the morning
Crying on the breeze
the pain is calling, OOOOHHHhhhhh MANDI!!!!

Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, OHhh **** MANDI!!!!
well you kissed me and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, OOOoooHhhhhhh MAAAAAaannnDDddddi!!!!"

The neighbor is now pounding his foot on the floor (my ceiling) I'll just assume that's applause for my performance. Happy sleeve to you girl!

Jason

Jason,


I swear you have become my number 1 cheerleader!! Thank you so much for that! The scary thing is I can actually hear you singing it!! LOL Love it!! 

Have a great time tomorrow getting sleeved! You're in my thoughts sweetie!! 

xoxo