Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.......but.....

I dont think they did too much good this time around.....My Dad will not be having surgery. I was over at my parents house Friday afternoon, and my sister told me the news. I dont know the paticulars, other than the *team* of doctors trying to figure out if this surgery was for him came to the conclusion that it was not. They pretty much said if it was *just* his heart or *just* his lungs, they would chance it and do it for him. But he has problems with both. So, they told him no surgery..... I have not talked to him since he got this word, but Natalie did say she would call her surgeon Monday and see if he would take on a *hard* case. My Dad would be difficult, but I have the feeling he would come right on through it and be great on the other side. When I first got the word his PCP wanted him to do this, I felt peace in my heart, knowing this was the path he should take, and I felt fine with it...and knowing my Dad, he would want the chance at GOOD years, not just MORE of them, but MORE TO THEM......does this make sense?? I am just beside myself at this moment.....I want him around for as long as possible with no health problems..is this selfish?? Maybe, but I tend to get that way with the ones I love.... So, if there is a way, I will find it with a little help from my friends and maybe an or two. I need to talk to him and see what his feelings are on all of this to make sure I have permission to forge ahead, make sure this is still what he wants to do. He was looking forward to getting rid of the pain in his legs (AT THE VERY LEAST HELP THEM) and hopefully getting rid of diabetes..... Thanks again for all of the prayers, we need a few more.... Dianna

I know how you feel about this, but I would prefer to have him around for just a few more years, in pain and with diabetes, than to lose him on an operating table to a procedure that his surgeon feels is not "worth" the drastic risks because his BMI is not high enough. Apparently if he were a hundred pounds heavier, the surgeon would do it no matter the risks. I have had a few ideas of my own. Why not Lap-Band? It's not as invasive, it takes less time, and is a lot less stressful. There's no dumping, but he would at least be able to CONTROL the diabetes a little better. Maybe he doesn't lose all the weight. But some is better than none. And if his insurance doesn't cover it, well then maybe he could wait a little longer for that boat motor overhaul or whatever. As it stands, he is supposed to be going on a liquid diet next month, try a dietician route as opposed to a surgery one. I am sorry to say that I do not see this working very well without him being constantly babysat. He also mentioned that his legs felt LOTS better for that really brief time when he quit smoking, but he's picked it right back up again. I am willing to bet that quitting smoking would have a huge impact on the amount of pain he's in. Mom is going to see an arthritis specialist tomorrow, and if it works for her, maybe that can help him, too. Please don't think that I don't care by posting this. The man just got finished saving MY life. I'd carry him around on my back all day long if I could and it would help ease his pain. I'm just inclined to point out that maybe surgery is not the answer this time. Julie

Here we go with a little debate on the *board*.... The problem is not the surgery (Like I said, I never talked to him, I am only going by assumption, and you KNOW how to spell ASSUME) but the time he would be under anethesia is the problem. Which I guess this is not life saving enough for them to consider....if his heart went out and needed help, they would have him on the operating table so fast, our heads would spin...... I guess I am grasping at straws at this point, wanting him to live the rest of his years in the best possible condition, possibly extending his life. I do this for me but more improtantly for James.....I want to prolong his pain of loosing someone who is that close to him...we thought we had problems when Nana died, imagine James loosing Grandpa....I dont want to at this point, so yeah, I am being selfish....... And I dont know if I told you, or if you remember under all the drugs you were on in the hospital, but I wanted to thank you for having surgery, and not for yourself, but for me too.....I had seven and a half hours with my father of uninturrupted conversation, and boy did we talk about EVERYTHING...things I would not trade for the world for....so I thank you As always, hope you are doing good, keep up the good work, and I will get over there soon to see how you are progressing!! Dianna

Dianna, I do not think you are being selfish at all. I can understand what you are going through. My dad is disabled and lives with me and Steve. He is "boderline" diabetic (I think he is fully there now but we have to wait for mosre testing to confirm that) and he has cancer. I want him to get all better and have lost more years and to be able to live them to the fullest. It would be earth shattering for my daughter and my nephew to lose him...not to mention to me. I do not know what I would do without him. And if I read Julie's post correctly it seems like your dad needs to be "babysat" to do what he is supposed to do...well, my dad needs that too! I will continue to pray for all of you. Nat's Dr. is also my Dr. and he is awesome. I hope everything works out. When my surgery was denied the first time around 9 years ago (I think...can't remember when I tried!) I took that to mean that God did not think it was the right time for me. When I went to look into having it done this time I was approved in about two weeks so I knew in my heart and soul that it would all work out. Keep your chin up and let me know if there is anything that I can do for you! {{hugs}} Tammy C

Ok ... I know you both did not ask for my opinions but here is something from a person that lost her daddy . 3 years ago , knowing what I know now , I would have gone to the ends of the earth .. gotten him help .. second opinions.. what ever it took to keep him here with me , I would have done . But my time is not God's time .. and well .. he is gone .. While I understand how Julie feels and it is a valid point .. I understand her feelings o too well .. But I can honestly say that I have known those that have had worse problems than your dads and had this surgery and are living happy healthy lives today . The ultimate decision is up to your Daddy .. .. but having a cheering section does not hurt . I just know that if I could have been there for my dad . And been told how unhealthy he was , I would have done all that I could have . A second opinion is to me justifiable .. that is if Dad is willing to do it . I do know that Dr.Hutcher can offer your dad the guidance that he needs and will be very upfront if he can not do it . It is worth a try .. If this is a test than so be it .. and if your Dads's surgery is meant to be it will happen .. but when do we stop trying .. ??? I love you both and want you to know that while this is hard .. it is not the end .. Always, Natalie

I just want to tell you and Julie that you both and your whole family are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that your father finds a way to improve his health by whatever means possible so that he can be around for a good long number of years and can share in the much improved health and lives of his beautiful daughters (and their families too of course). Best wishes to you all! Kathy

Hi Dianna. I am not sure what your insurance situation is, but I do know that Dr. Schirmer at UVA does do some of the "harder cases" that other surgeons do not. Just an FYI. Hope you find your answers soon. ~Ellen

Oh my sweet Dianna....Always worrying about others...Well, Honey, I know this is hard but God knows what he is doing. If it is meant to be, it will happen...in God's time...I am here if you need to talk or for anything else...Love you bunches. Hugs, Betsy

Dianna, I am so sorry for all you are going through now, it has been awhile since i have been on the boards, have been very busy at work, but you guys are always on my mind, i pray that all will turn out good for you and your Dad, you are in my prayers! Lots of Hugs yvette

Aaaw sweetie - Im sorry to hear about your father and the additional challenges ahead. Without stepping on family toes - I have to say, I agree with Natalie's reply. Of course, that's basing it on "my world" if it were my family - like my brother or sister, who I love dearly. I would NOT settle for only one opinion. I'd be researching SEVERAL before I agreed that the risks of surgery outweighed the risks long term. Bottomline, the ultimate decision lays with your father - but I don't believe having ONE hospital/doctor saying it's risky is enough info for him to come to an educated conclusion. Hugs and positive thoughts/outcomes to all - Lei