I apologize for all bad thoughts....
I've been coming to this board for nearly a year now, maybe more, and there have been many times when I've had bad thoughts about people on here.
I've heard people complaining because it's taking more than a week to get their surgery scheduled. I had to wait 16 months to get mine.
I've heard people griping about the weight not just "dropping off" like water off a duck's back. I've had many stalls in my eight months. I'm in one now.
I've heard people with bad pains coming here for advise rather than calling their dr's office. I'm a chicken when it comes to pain and very paranoid so I call them, visit the ER, etc, when something feels wrong.
Personally, I've had bad thoughts about even the good posts. The people who got their surgery scheduled quickly, the people who've had no stalls (or at least haven't publicized them), the people who seem to drop pounds at a whim, the people who can follow the "rules" to a tee.
I know, I am jealous. I'm trying to potty train my toddler, going through my monthly cycle, trying to plan a family move in four months, and I'm weaning myself off my anti-depressants right now, so I may be snappier than I mean to be. It's why I've tried to seriously avoid posting anything at all lately. A good friend told me today that I have two faces: a public face and my private one. The public one is all happy and friendly and the private one is dark and sad most of the time. Fake smiles, you know?
So, I apologize to everyone for letting my dark side show and if I had any negative comments or bad thoughts, please forgive me. *deeeeeep breath*
Remember, the devil made me do it.
Hugs,
Tonya
405/379/255/180 (high/surgery/current/goal) 5'5"
Up and down the same 3 lbs for the past 3 weeks.
Oh, Honey, everyone goes through the dark times...that is why your friends are here for you. I have had alot of the fake smiles lately but there is always good that comes out of the bad although at times we have to really look for the good. There are reasons for everything. If you ever need to talk, please email me..I am there for you.
Hugs,
Betsy
Girl we ALL go through one form of this or another I don't care who wishes to truly admit that or not. I've been through some SERIOUS dark times in I'd say the last 6 months and of course times before then but the point is we are a family and sort of like a marriage. We are here for one another in sickness and in health and definitely in good times and bad. Just vent and feel better. We are perfect. We are human. Sometimes your the winshield sometimes your the bug. Just hang in there. Keep in mind there is ALWAYS someone in much worse cir****tances than us and we have to rely on God and know that he is the light and the way.
Hugs,
Kat
tonya,
sweety there is no need for an apology..
everyone goes through these times and that is what the boards are for we are are good friends and we are here to help each other though the good and the bad..
take care and keep your spirits high!! you deserve it you have come along way.. and your doing great!!!
dont worry so much about the pounds it happens to all of us i go up and down all week and this month i have only lost 2lbs. i think the last 30lbs i have will take some work. but beleive in your self you will get there.
god has given you this tool and he will show you how to use it.
you can do it!!! i know its hard when your just not losing. it makes me just want to scream but it will start up again in no time at all..just have faith!!
loveyah, holly
Tonya-
Not to worry. We are all here for the same reason and we all go throught the "ugly thoughts" thing. Heck, Aunt Flo arrived....AGAIN! So, I hate EVERYONE this weekend (hehehe).
Like you, when I feel ugly, I just keep it to myself (well, as much as I can). So, don't worry. You're fine.
As for the weight loss. I know, it really stinks to see some people who sneeze and it all falls off, and others who have to fight every moment for their quarter pound. But, here's my take on it. I am a slow loser. I have to fight for every pound. But, I think (and this is what gets me through it, whether true or not) that I work a bit more diligently than others (I know many who don't exercise or anything). And because of that, I lost very, very, little muscle and gained alot of muscle (which buts calories). In fact, I did not lose any muscle until 5 months out (1 1/2 pounds of it) and I had been sick for 2 weeks and unable to exercise. My nut. told me that people start to lose muscle about the 3rd month out.
Anyways, the other thing that gets me through is is that it isn't a race. It's frustrating, I know. But, this is your journey, and your body is driving the bus. So, sit back and let them (I know, better said than done).
Just relax. You're fine.
Jill
263/182/145
Tonya,
We all feel that way at some time or another. I went through a lot to get my surgery approved. I tried to have it done about 9 years ago and was denied. I did not fight. This time since I work for the insurance company I did a lot of research before meeting with the surgeon to make sure I would get an approval. I was approved rather quickly from the time the papers were submitted, but I had been doing all of the other things for four months before any of that happened. I was one of the lucky ones because I had the actual information right in front of me. I did not have to call someone and hope they were reading and explaining correctly. I have been on many stalls in my almost one year post op. When I find myself in a slump I try to up my protein and change my exercise routine up a bit. I do not follow all of the rules (please no flaming on that subject). I eat hershey's kisses about twice a week (just two or three but I know I should not have any) and I take small bites of a brownie or a cake. On the days that I do this I "punnish" myself by walking an extra mile or doing an extra 10-15 minutes on the eplicital. Both my cousin and my aunt are right around 20 years post op. I have seen what they have and have not done. I have watched my cousin have the surgery done twice (first time was a success but he ate ice cream a lot and had it done again about a year and a half later) and my aunt just had it done again about 6 weeks ago. Her first surgery was with the staples and hers came a loose about 10 years ago. They both gained all of their weight back plus some. I do not want that to happen to me. I have been in several stalls over the past 12 months. I am in one right now. I am scared that since I am almost at one year out that my "honey moon" phase is over. A lot of people quit losing at one year out. I have 10 pounds to lose to be in a "normal" body weight. I have more to lose to be where I want to be in my mind. I am happy with were I am right now. I can not remember the last time I weighd under 200 lbs. I am no longer on high blood pressure meds or using a CPAP machine when I sleep. This tool was provided to me and I know I need to utilize it to the maximum. We all have slips and not many of us can follow the rules all of the time. It takes a bigger person to admit that they do not follow through 100% of the time. I personally think that the difference is having a "bite or two" of something or having a "BAG/PIECE OR TWO" of something. None of us eat like we used to. It is okay to slip every now and again. Just jump back on the wagon! Please let me know if there is anything I can do or if you just want to chat sometime.
{hugs}
Tammy C
Hi Tonya,
I think every body here, including my self feels this way every now and then. It is human nature. I too am a Navy wife, with little ones, with all the other lovel things that come with that. I haven't a date yet for my surgery, but I am in no rush, because I am learning so much from all of you. I live in Va Beach too, and if you want to meet some time for a play date and let the babies play( i have a 6, so she is n't so baby, but I have a 4 and 18 month old who hang tough) I can meet you. Seriously, vent all you want, I find that if I type it out, and then never send it, I still feel better. Well now that biggest two are Howling at me. We have had along day, and I was certian that they were asleep. Ha ha jokes on me. Well, vent girl, vent. I have seen and felt the support from this board. Email me, if you want to. I love talking to other military spouses. I am from Va Beach orginialy(sp?), so my friends here are not military and don't get it, so I stoped trying. I've never been a big fan of the support groups either for the ships because of the whole women clique thing. I don't feel that as much on here. Well, I am praying for you and every one on here! Cindy
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