jealous?

good afternoon all! 

i think i touched on this subject in Jan/Feb when my girlfriend decided to have WLS, she as well as all of us has struggled with her weight for years, she's divorced now for 2 years and was in the position to do it, so after she was approved she let me know that she was getting it done.  i was ecstatic for her, totally happy for her  and thought it was the right time in her life and it would make a big difference for her.  i supported her in everything she did, was there for her at her bedside when she had it done, gave her advice and pointers and shared my experiences with her.  BUT..i noticed that i felt kinda jealous that she was having it done, i went through some weird emotions with it.  i am four years out, had the RNY in Feb 2005, since then i have gained weight. maybe its insecurity?? she is 7 months out today and has lost 80 pounds and is now 10 POUNDS LIGHTER THAN ME.  i knew that she would well surpass my weight and i am still happy for her, she's feeling great, looking great..but i feel ...i dont know what i feel.

has anyone experienced this? ..am i jealous? ..or am i just insecure about the weight ive gained? maybe a combination of both?

your thoughts please

hugs,  dawn 

somehow my post and HOTMAMMA's post got tangled!  LOL 

That is wierd Dawn (not your situation - but the post getting tangled).   I feel for you  - this has to be hard.  My guess is that you're more upset with yourself for the weight gain.  That is neither jealousy or insecurity - just you punishing yourself.   We all know what we need to do when the scale starts to creep up and sometimes its hard to push ourselves back into the good habits but l know you can do it!  Hang in there girl - you have done awesome and look great!!!   4 years out!  Truly an inspiration!!!

Hi, Dawn:

I think Tina put it very well.  Sometimes how we feel about ourselves colors how we feel about others and their situations.  My guess is once you feel you are back "in control" and feel good about what you are doing for yourself, the rest will fall into place.

This Board is great for support, and there is another forum. BOTT (Back on Track Together) on OH that is very good as well.

Hang in there, and your friend is lucky o have such a good, supportive friend by her side. 

Hi Dawn!  I actually had the reverse situation.  One of my good friends had surgery before me & then I had mine and she "jokingly" made snide comments when I surpassed her and did "better" than her.  Now I can look at her situation and see where she didn't follow the guidelines and that is why she didn't do as well, where as in the beginning I followed everything on the line.  Each situation is different and everyone does do differently.  It is important to remember that we are individuals and our bodies are not going to be the same.  Now I too have gained about 20 lbs.  It is frustrating and I am struggling to get back on track.  It is a slow process right now.  I have ideas and a strategy but can't seem to get it all in place.

Now my sister has been considering the surgery and I can see where I would be jealous in that situation.  I hope that if it comes to it I will be able to control it.  I would say you are probably experiencing a combination of both jealousy and insecurity.  Probably part of you feels like you did it first, it was your deal and now you are having to "share" it.  If you decide to work your tool and get back on track we are here to support you.  Take it as an opportunity to help your friend, talk to her about your struggles and share the journey.  Perhaps it will help her on hers.