how do you deal with it?

OK so i am a navy wife. I live in military housing and most of the people here are so nosey . I had to tell my neighbor about my wls because my hubby being in the navy we need help with the 4 kids while i was in the hospital.
 Ok so now everytime we get together,  she has to annouce that i had wls. It got on my nerves and i told her i rather her keep my personal stuff to herself and not tell everyone she introduces me to. Ok that being said i thought she got the point. Oh no.. at her party lite party  she puts it on herself to let all her guess know. Arrrrghhhh.  Well one of her guest makes the comment. "  Its people who think its ok to eat and eat makes this world so obesit ..and then use wls surgery because they can"

I wanted to knock her into next week. I was stopped. But i just wish.

By the way she is a big girl so i thought it was really funny she said that. My neighbor is now kiss my butt because she didn't know people would react like that. She is so clueless thou i know she will do it again. S o decided to stay away from her but thats going to be hard she lives next door. How do i handle this?

Hello Danie,

Glad you are doing great. I know the feeling. I didn't tell anyone about my surgery except for one person, thinking I was confiding in her. Silly ME.

My best friend passed away in April 2009 and I never had to worry about her repeating something that I told her in coonfidence. This new person I thought I could trust because I have known her for so long and we get along great. You just never know people.

As my dad would say "treat her with a long handled spoon" lol you know I'm country. Just be cordial and respectful. A real hi and bye no real conversation and if any conversation, I wouldn't discuss the wls with her anymore. Its a shame when you can't trust people.

Another side of the coin...just go ahead and let people know. At first I was a little shy about telling some people and then I just decided to be open about it. I don't usually volunteer the info but 99% of people will ask me how I lost the weight. I tell them I had surgery.

But your neighbor should keep your secret if that is what you requested. Shame on her for doing that.

There will come a time when it will be hard to keep your WLS a "secret" simply because of the rapid weight loss.  It is entirely up to you how you want to handle it, but from personal experience, I found it much easier to just not make a big deal about it, answer people's questions when they came up, being open about it, and in the end it paid off because I was able to dispell a lot of misinformation people had about it (such as the woman who made that comment).  Just another way you may consider handling it...hope it helps.  :)

I am not really keeping it a secret. I have no problem letting others know well that is people that i know that is. I just wish my neighbor would stop telling every tom dick and harry. I rather tell people i know because i can almost tell how they will react. most of my family and friends have been there for me. Its the ones that don't know me and don't know what i have been through in the last couple of years that always have something to say.

This was  a tough one for me too.  Because l only told a few "close" friends but then one day someone let it slip and there it was out in the open.   So, l embraced it!   I said l'm taking this year off for "ME" and l'm getting healthy and stronger for "ME" so l can be around for my family.   Not one person said a word and now everyone is very supportive.    l didn't want to be like Star Jones and say l was on a great diet!  LOL   The truth shall set you free!

It is a shame that your neighbor had to keep sharing your info.  Perhaps you can explain it to her again and let her know that you would prefer to chose who you tell.  There will be people *****act negatively; about the surgery, about how skinny your are getting, etc.  How you react is the key.

Statements in response to negativity about the surgery itself that I have always liked:
1. There are so many misconceptions about WLS, I am so glad my surgeon and I communicate and the plan I am on is concise.
2. Some people do feel negatively, why do you feel that way? Let me tell you the facts as I know them (then you have the opportunity to dispell the myths)

Statements for negative comments about too much loss:
1. Well my doctor has set a healthy goal for me & I am working towards that goal.
2. You are just so used to seeing me heavy, I am still considered overweight, need to lose more to be considered "normal"

Hi Danie.  I can tell you are upset by what happened.  I get the feeling that it's not so much that people know about your wls, but rather two other issues...1.  YOU want to be the one to say something about it, & 2. it's a trust issue...both very important.

To tell or not to tell is a very personal issue & I respect however you choose to handle it.  As you can see, many of us have chosen to put it all out there.  And why not?  Think of all the hoops we all had to jump through just to get the surgery in the first place.  Not to mention simply making the decision to have it in the first place.  Then there's recovery from the surgery...pain & suffering.  And now learning how to make this tool work for us.  Personally, I'll be damned if I'm gonna keep all that a secret! LOL  I've worked hard...we all have...you are.  As for that snotty ***** at the party, you say she's a big girl?  Sounds like sour grapes to me.  Being the mean & hateful person that I am, I'd have said something like "so when does YOUR diet start?"  Course then the fight would have been on, so maybe I would have just thought it to myself, but then just smiled at her & maybe say something like "Honey, you have NO idea."  Perhaps that would have sparked open conversation from the others...genuine interest, in which case the ***** would have given you the opportunity to dispell the misconceptions & rumors about us wls folks.  There's always a graceful way to turn a negative into a positive, but in the heat of the moment it's easy to miss that opportunity.  So maybe you'll handle it differently when it comes up again.  And believe me, it WILL happen again.  The key is to find a way to handle it that doesn't detract from your personal grace & charm.  Of course, there will be times when you're just gonna have to flick on somebody cuz they need a 2x4 between the eyes before they "get it."

As for the neighbor, there's two ways to handle her.  One is the way you've already mentioned...keeping her at a distance.  OR you can invite her over, feed HER the same thing YOU are gonna have for lunch, in the same portions, & educate her as to what you are going through.  And then impress upon her again not only that you don't want her to be giving out your business to everyone but that if she continues then ya'll cannot continue to be friends because you can't trust her.  Make the trust an issue rather than the wls.  Try using the phrase " I feel _____ when you ____ because ____.  Fill in the blanks & be honest & calm.  When you are confronting someone about something they did, if you put it on a feelings level, they are more apt to listen to you without feeling attacked.  I further suggest that you clearly outline what the consequences will be if she continues to disrespect your wishes, which would be no longer being friends.  Maybe this person just doesn't know HOW to be a friend.

I wish we didn't have to live amongst ignorant people with no sense of propriety or manners, but we do.  Too many people speak before they think, or they think & don't care.  It's up to us to learn how to be the bigger person & not allow that other person to pull us down to their level.  And it helps me to remember that there's a difference between ignorant & stupid.  Ignorant means you don't know any better, but stupid means you DO know better but don't care.  I can deal with ignorant, but I got no time in my life for stupid.  Does that make sense?

At any rate, you know we got yer back, girl!!  I'm so proud of you & I'm glad you shared this with us because once again it's a learning process & this is an important issue that we all face.  So thanks for trusting us & sharing with us.

Thanks Ann,

 Your words dug really deep with me.  You are all right it was a bit of envy, she came and said she was sorry and that she herself wanted the wls but was too scared. I laugh and then gave her the facts so now is in the process of start her wls journey. It's funny but i guess her comment was supposed to be some sick way of getting some info out of me. Her biggest fear was that she would never be able to eat any good food again. (her words exactly) I told her that was not the case.

 I guess some people just need to be educated on wls. It is sad when people start talking out of there butts about things they have no clue about.

We're all here for you, Danie.  And I just LOVE the suggestions Courtney made.  I'm afraid I'm the typical bull in a china shop so C helps keep me grounded...lol.  So do a few other people...they know who they are...wink wink.  Diplomacy is not my strong suit, but I'm always up to the challenge of bettering myself (is that a word?).  God LOVE you newbies...you all are stirring up some really good questions & getting superb responses.

Too funny that Miss Thang actually wants the surgery for herself.  Odd way of going about it, but see...a negative turned into a positive.  And you get to be an inspiration for someone else & maybe even become her life saver.  It's all good.  I'm proud of you!