And the truth shall set me free...part 5

So, that is how our friendship came to an end. Not from anything I did, but from her own reckless desire to have whatever she wants, consequences be damned, & no matter who she had to walk over to get it. I have heard that she’s telling people that I called her husband’s job 7 times…no, twice…& for good reason, obviously. She has told Theresa Marie that I have said Theresa was making up all her heart problems…again, a lie. And if what I’ve written here isn’t enough to clear my name & reputation, then maybe reading her own words written to me in a letter she sent to my OH email will be proof that she’s off the chain. For her husband & children’s sake, I have replaced their names with “husband", “daughter", & “son". Read her own words to me & then decide for yourselves if I deserve to be slandered in public or private or that my reputation should be sullied by the likes of her. I have stayed away from OH because I didn’t believe my credibility would be worth anything after all the lies she’s told. So I’m swallowing my pride & airing all this dirty laundry to bring it all out in the open. I did nothing to be ashamed of, nor did my son, except an error in judgment that he really didn’t know how to handle. It’s up to you all if I am welcome back in OH or not. But my conscience is clear. Too bad DQ can’t claim the same.

Ann,

How do I even begin.  I guess if saying "I'm sorry" was even close enough to enough, then I would say it a million times a day every day.  But, it's not enough.  I have been in self destruct mode for about a year.  I would say that since my major ulcer issues last year when I had back to back surgeries was the start of the downfall.  I have indulged in selfish and self destructive behaviors since then.  I have tried everything that I could to plow my marriage into the ground because I wasn't sure that [husband] cared enough to still be enough.  I felt alone and desperate really.
You were the one person that was consistently there for me and unfortunately, that meant that you got to bear quite a bit of the selfishness that I was dishing out.  I do want to clarify that the reason that I asked you if you would be able to pick me up at the hospital that day you were returning home is  because you happened to be the person that I was texting with at the time.  If I had been talking to one of my other friends, I would have asked them.  It wasn't a moment of me thinking...Oh, she's still helping her mourning husband, let me see if I can screw that up or be selfish...you have to know how hurt I was that my husband was standing in front of me telling me that HE couldn't spare the time or effort for me, and could I ask someone else.  I believe that you know that I was not trying to be selfish or nasty.  I also believe that you did not value our friendship as much as before since I had told you about kissing Matt.  I think that your respect for me had basically vanished and I was just someone you felt you needed to put up with.  I felt the shift in our friendship immediately.  I spent as much time away from my family as I could and almost liked the times I was in the hospital because it meant that I didn't have to bear any responsibility.  I felt cheated out of my "20's" because I got married so young.  So, I started behaving like I was 20 something in hopes that I would get it back.  But, that ship has sailed.
It wasn't until this all came to a head that I realized that those things are NOT what I want.  I was charmed and allured by the way that Matt was treating me and [daughter] and [son].  He was so chivalrous and kind.  He colored with [daughter] at dinner and opened doors for me.  He played with the kids and paid attention to them.  He showed me respect and I haven't been treated like that for quite some time.  However, in my marriage, I wasn't treating my husband that way...so, I wasn't receiving that treatment.  I projected my needs onto Matt and I did take advantage of his attraction to me.  I don't really think I did it consciously at first.  When I was hugging him good night that night that he went out with [daughter] and I-- I just let my thoughts spill out...my thoughts being that I really wanted him to kiss me.  It should have and could have stopped there.  But, the more we talked...the more involved it got.  And we both made a very conscious decision to have sex...like I said before, we planned it for a few days. [SHE planned it!] I went to see him the day after--and we fooled around a little and then I stopped it.  We had a long discussion that night about why we couldn't be anything more than friends.  I'm not sure at what point that got out of hand again...but, it did.  I think that we both wanted to love each other and be something we couldn't be.  I know that I was out of hand with the texting and calling, emailing, etc.  I know that it was nutty and I apologize for that.  I guess in some ways I was trying to hold on to what I had been feeling with Matt.  I was horrified and deeply hurt that he was denying everything and I was so angry when I sent that text about saying he raped me.  I am not a liar and I'm not psycho.  I do have some issues to work out but, I'm certainly not any worse off than most people.  I did NOT want to tell [husband] over the phone--but, had to.  I am blessed and incredibly lucky that he chose to stay with me and try to work on things.  We had several days of solitude at home-just the four of us.  [husband] and I got a lot of time to talk together and pray together. 
I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be.  I know that I have not been the wife, mother OR friend that I'm supposed to be.  I'm a work in progress and I am probably always going to be.  The only reason that I called Matt today was because he sent me several texts on Monday telling me that I ruined his home life and he wished [husband] would just come and shoot him and get it over with. [Matt never said any such thing]   I promised [husband] that I would block his phone number and yours from both my cell phone and my home phone and I did.  I also deleted and blocked you both (and Nino) from Facebook.  I removed you as my friend here on OH as well. 
I will not contact you any further and I don't expect to be contacted.  I am pretty upset over the loss of this friendship...but, I want to say that I did not destroy it alone.  When you called me a liar and a psycho *****you put an irreversible mark on this friendship.  I have never and would never lie to you as I have no reason to.  I have nothing to gain by lying to anyone...and I certainly wouldn't lie about such a serious subject. [SERIOUSLY??? She terrorized my family but I put an irreversible mark on the friendship? Yeah, ok.] I know that you will have great success with your weight loss and great success with your life to come.  I will ALWAYS consider you one of the most wonderful people on this planet.  I do love you and will continue to think of you and check up on you here on OH.  I don't expect anything from you.  I will mourn the loss of our friendship and pray that things at home with Matt return to some level of normal.  He's a good guy as I'm sure you know, and the decision we made will mark both of our lives forever.  But, please don't underestimate the fact that he was very much an active participant in this mess-even though it's easier to just blame me...he certainly played a very active role.  It doesn't matter now, and I expect to be the bad guy in this situation...because I AM the bad guy.  Just so you know, though, I know I'm the bad guy and I will be sorrowful of this whole situation for the rest of my life.  There is not a day, I imagine, that I will not think of what a mess I've made and that's okay.  I'm willing to own the responsibility and blame for my actions.  I hope that, in time, you will be able to forgive me for hurting you and your family.
So finally, the end is here.  For those that have taken the time to read this in it entirety, thank you.

Ann you have a pm. I have not posted on the boards in months. I do look every now and then, but do not usually comment anymore. "she" always seemed fake and I am sorry she took advantage of your family. I will be praying for you.

Thank you, Brooke, for your support & your prayers.  It was not an easy decision to post all this stuff, but I just couldn't keep silent any longer.  You all have the right to know what you are dealing with, & what kind of damage can be done if not careful.

It is unfortunate that a situation like this had to happen and so many lives were affected.  I wish healing for all.

You are so right, Courtney, it IS unfortunate...and was so unneccessary too.  But it is what it is, I guess.  I wish healing for us all as well.

Being in a simular situation Im very upset to see this post here on OH. OH is to be a positive place for all to come too. The nature of these posts does not have anything to do with WLS and should have been handled as privately as possiable. If you felt the need to express your concerns you  should have addressed the person for which this was intended for again privately. Some of the contents in your posts are of a very personal nature and should have been handled in a personal manner, not everyone on this board has been involved or aware of this situation. Sorry to have to be the one to post this but we have seen how this has turned out before and when the truth comes out at a later date and this  just is not appropriate for this forum.

Melinda, to some extend I agree with you.  And I did try to keep it private.  But when I am being slandered & attacked & being made the butt of mean jokes, I just couldn't keep quiet any longer.  And if you think about it, this does have to do with wl issues.

I have said many times that I believe mental health should be just as integral a part of our journey as every other aspect, rather just a one-time pre-op requirement.  I have heard it said often from those that are post-op that they are experiencing odd feelings or odd behaviors & wondering if it is related to wl.  It absolutely IS related.

As for why I posted this on OH, that is because this person has been spreading lies & rumors about me to OH attendees.  I have stayed away from OH because I did not want to have to interact with this person.  However, I miss my OH family.  Yet, how could I come here when my reputation & credibility has been so brutally attacked?  Yes, some of the content was very personal...& it was difficult to swallow my pride & post it all.  But those personal things were intregal parts of the overall picture, or chain of events.  Believe me, I did speak to my son about this before I wrote anything.  As he said, she's already been spreading it around, so why not bring out in the open...the REAL truth, rather than her colored version of it.

I respect your right to voice your opinion wholeheartedly.  But I also feel it my right to defend myself, & enlighten people as to how wrong things can go with some people.  It upsets when that for the most part, the only time she comes here is to tell her tale of woes yet again...it's very manipulative & attention-seeking.  These people come here with trust in their hearts, & hoping to reach out to each other in friendship & kinship.  How can they do that if their trust is betrayed?

At any rate, I appreciate your opinion & if you are offended, then I appologize for that.  I hope that you can understand my reasoning though.  I also hope that we will remain friends.  As I've already said, my conscience is clear on this matter & I just needed for the truth to be told once & for all.  No harm intended to any of you.

Hello Ann,

Glad to see you back! Hopefully the worst is over and lessons have been learned in your experiences with your "former friend". Give you and your family time to heal.

Diana

Thank you, Diana.  I appreciate your support.