It's baaaaaack

I haven't fully digested all of this yet...so, I haven't made any decisions.  Please don't respond with what I should and shouldn't do...and no flames please.

My ulcer is back.  It's 3cm, which is pretty big when you're talking about the surface area on which it lies.  The recommendation of the GI doc is to reverse my gastric bypass.  I haven't even begun to consider that all the way...and I would most likely choose to do a reversal/revision to a different WLS.  For instance, I might go from bypass to band or from bypass to VSG...I'm just not sure what my options are and I am still pretty overwhelmed.
In August, I will "celebrate" my 2 year surgiversary.  I've not even gotten close to my goal weight because of the complications and ongoing crap.  The reasons that I had this surgery in the first place no longer seem reason enough to have dealt with all of this.  For the most part, I was always pretty clear that God gave me the peace I needed to proceed with the surgery.  Now, I just don't know what I feel.
I look back and cannot fathom weighing over 300 pounds again.  I cannot fathom gaining back even some of the weight I've worked so hard to lose.  The reality is, if I reverse this surgery and don't do anything else...I will gain a good portion of the weight back.
Some of you can argue that I have the mind set, the tools, etc. to not go back there.  The truth is...and I believe this to be a truth for all of us who have struggled with this...the tools were there before the surgery too--yet, I needed to have the surgery in order to succeed enough to continue to push me to reach my goal.  The depression and the discouraging weeks upon weeks of little weight loss, plateaus, slipping up a tiny bit only to gain a lot, etc...I can't do that again.  The tens of thousands of dollars I've spent to lose weight...I can't wrap my head around it.

The complications that go along with a reversal are many and I'm not sure I'm willing to go through them.  Yet, I can't continue to live like this.  I'm not blameless in this by any means...my body is not revolting just because.  I have made some choices that have made it either harder to get rid of the ulcer or have exacerbated the symptoms.  But, we've all made poor choices.  I should be able to have a cup of coffee every few days--hell even everyday and not get an ulcer.  I should be able to eat spicy food without fearing that I will end up in the ER later.  I shouldn't know every f**ing doctor at Fair Oaks...and they shouldn't KNOW ME.  I shouldn't be the "frequent flyer" of the endoscopy lab...I've had over 30 EGD's in the past two years. 

I just want to be Lisa...the one who worked so hard to lose this weight and succeeded...not the exception to the rule...the one that is the poster child for RNY complications.  Basically, I'm screaming and whining and yelling--"it's not fair."  I have done the things I was told to do...and here I am, still dealing with it.

The thing that I need right now is prayer.  I need peace and comfort and for God to lead me to the right decision.  I have plenty of people telling me what they think I should do but, no one saying, "I'll support you no matter what."  That's what I need right now...even if you don't agree...I need my OH family to be supportive-like you always are!

If you made it this far...thanks for "listening" to me vent.  I'm not ready to sit down with Dr. Mo just yet...but, I will let you know when I've made any progress and what it is.  Thanks.

Holy Cow!  I wish you all the peace and send up prayers that you will make the decision that is best for you - whatever that may be.  Also,  I'd like to stand and say that I will support you no matter what!  Hang in there, Lisa! 

Thanks...I really appreciate it.

No flames here. Truth of the matter is.... you deserve to be Lisa. The Lisa you want to be and you, or anyone for that matter, should NOT have to go through or endure the hell you have had to go through just because you chose to have a procedure done that would or should improve your health.

You are a very strong woman to be able to handle all that you have had to deal with. What ever you choose, whether it be a complete reversal, or a revision to another WLS, it is your decision and I am sure I will not be the only one that will be here, supporting you and trusting in your decision.

I will pray that you are able to come to a decision quickly so that you won't have to continue to suffer longer and I will pray that this decision will give you some peace of mind and a better health. Prayers going out to you hun! And hugs!

Thanks Theresa...all I really want at the moment is to be healthy. 

no thanks needed Lisa. You so deserve to be healthy and I pray you and your dr's find what will help you get to that point!!

Prayers coming for ya.  I know you will make an informed decision and do what you feel is best for you.  I will support you in that.  Good luck!

Lisa sweet Lisa you do what you feel is right for you not what we think. In my opinion you have gone through enough and you need to get your life back and if that means to do a reversal than so be it. You need to just get well and stay that way. I love and will support whatever decision that you make and if I can help please let me know. I hope that what I have said helps just a little. Please stay in touch and let us know what we can do for you. You are in my prayers and throughts.

Pat,

Thank you...it's so hard sometimes when you have loved ones screaming in your head to do one thing when the rest of you is screaming something else.
Just thinking of ANOTHER major abdominal surgery makes me hurt.  The surgery, risks, recovery, etc....just too much right now.
I'm sort of slowly (or not so slowly if you ask some people) losing it...and I so don't want to lose it...my mind, that is.  LOL. 
The prayers are wonderful, thank you.

Lisa, sorry to hear you are going through this yet again.  You have been through so much in the past 2 years and you do deserve a break.  Your body, your life, your decision.  God will help you make the right one.  Prayers coming your way.